“You’ll make an amazing teacher—I don’t know why we didn’t think of it ourselves.” His gaze was full of love and pride, and it stole all the oxygen from my lungs. Then he blinked hard and when he opened his eyes again, the light that had fired in his eyes faded away, and his voice had more distance. “Did you get any credit for the accountancy subjects?”
“Not as many as I would have liked, but yes, I got some.”
He blew out a harsh breath. “How weird is it that I didn’t know about your career change as it was happening?”
“Yeah,” I agreed, then there was nothing else to say. We’d done what we’d been worried about all along—ruined our friendship. We weren’t quite strangers, but new things had happened in my life, and Finn was hearing about them standing outside a high school auditorium, in casual conversation.
Not sure what to do with my hands, I fiddled with my scarf. “How are things with you?”
“Much the same. Still can’t get a reed flute to sound right,” he said with a half-hearted attempt at a smile.
“Finn, I want to say sorry.” I didn’t meet his eyes.
“Why are you sorry?”
I made myself look up at him, and face the pain in his dark blue gaze. “I knew moving out, leaving, would be pretty much the worst thing I could do to you.” He’d admitted he equated love with abandonment, and I’d reinforced that for him. Even if he hadn’t said the words. It had been all I could think about when I drove away from his house that final time, hating myself for walking out on him, but still going. “I’m probably the only person who understands that about you, and yet I left you anyway.”
His brow furrowed. “Don’t apologize. You had the strength to do the right thing.”
He thought that was the right thing? My knees wobbled, turning to jelly, and I reached to lean a hand on the brick wall beside me. The night I left he’d wanted me to stay, and that had been heart wrenching. But him agreeing we should be apart? Not wanting me back? That was somehow another whole level of worse.
I removed my hand from the brick wall and tightly laced it with the other in front of me. “Still, I hate that I hurt you.”
“Seriously, I’m the one who should be apologizing,” he said, his eyes pained. “I should have paid more attention to what you’d said about needing security and stability. I should have put it all together before things went as far as they did.”
A sob worked its way up my throat, but I swallowed hard until it was under control again. “We played with fire.”
“And we both got burned,” he said, his voice so low I only just heard it.
The side door burst open and a swarm of girls erupted into the night, chattering and giggling.
“There she is,” Finn said, pointing to a tall dark-haired girl.
Amelia barreled over and threw herself into her brother’s arms. “What did you think?”
“You were incredible,” he said, smiling down at her. “The best dancer in the whole concert.”
“Aw, you’re just saying that because you have to.” But her eyes were bright. His opinion clearly still mattered to her more than anyone’s, and it melted my heart.
Then she looked up and saw me and propelled herself in my direction. I caught her in a hug. “He’s right, you were amazing.”
She beamed. “Thank you for coming. This means everything to me.” She looked from her brother back to me. “You’re talking again. Does this mean you’ll move back?”
My heart broke a little bit more. I opened my mouth but no words came out.
Finn cleared his throat. “Amelia, we’ve discussed this.”
She nodded but the desolation in her eyes just about undid me. Then she blinked and it was gone, and she flashed a bright smile. “I’m just glad you came.”
Her name was called by some other girls and we both looked over. One of them was holding a camera up and the others were beckoning her over.
“Gotta go,” she said to both of us, then took off.
I hadn’t given her the present, but I couldn’t stand there waiting with Finn for who knew how long for Amelia to come back. It hurt too much to be with him and not have him. Especially after what Amelia had just said.
I had to get out of there.
Reaching into my bag, I retrieved the small, gift wrapped box. “Would you give this to Amelia for me?”
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know. It’s just the pendant I made in the silversmithing workshop. I wanted her to have something to remember the night.”
He frowned. “I didn’t think of that. I should have gotten her something, too.”
I glanced to where Amelia was bouncing around with her friends. “Believe me, you telling her she was the best dancer is something she will never forget. She idolizes you, you know.”
He laid a hand on my shoulder. “Why don’t you wait and give it to her yourself?”
I flinched at the touch and he dropped his hand. More than anything I wanted him to put that hand back. Put it back and draw me into his arms and hold me close. My throat closed over and I knew if I didn’t go now I’d be a blubbering mess in about three seconds.
“I can’t, Finn. I have to go.” Before he could say another word, I turned on my heel and got the hell out of Dodge.
Chapter Nineteen
Finn
That night, after my sisters were asleep, I did something I hadn’t done for a few years—I checked in on them. When my parents had first died, I’d checked on both Billie and Amelia several times a night. The grief counselor said it was a combination of a normal grief reaction—worrying that another family member might die—and the sudden responsibility for them—worrying I’d fail in my duty to keep them safe. Whatever it was, it had been a whole heap of worry.
And tonight it was back with a vengeance. Though, I wasn’t thinking either of them were in any danger, it was… Actually, I had no idea what it was. All I knew was that after seeing Scarlett tonight my chest felt like it was ripped open. The world was off center, wrong, chaotic, and I needed to make sure Billie and Amelia were okay.
Billie never closed her door at home, so I stopped in the doorway and watched her sleep for a moment. She’d been trying to cover it, but she was still mad at me for screwing things up with Scarlett. They’d always gotten along, but since they’d started working together, they’d become good friends.
Next I moved to Amelia’s room and quietly opened the door. Her light was out, but the moonlight streamed through the window, so I could see her sweet face. She’d gone to bed happy after her night of triumph, and I felt that as a huge blessing. Since Scarlett had left, Amelia had been more downcast than I’d expected. Scarlett had probably been right when she said Amelia wanted her little family unit together, and Scarlett had definitely been part of that.
Unlike Billie, Amelia didn’t blame me for the breakup—she was just so sad about it that it split my heart in two.
A breeze wafted through the tree outside, so the moonlight appeared to move in the room, landing on the framed photo of our parents and the open gift box on Amelia’s bedside table. The star pendant that Scarlett had given her. She’d loved it, of course, and texted Scarlett to say thank you.
By screwing up, I’d hurt not only myself and Scarlett, but also my sisters, and I hated that more than I could bear.
I drifted back to my own bedroom and found Harvey on the bed, asleep, with his teddy bear held protectively under one leg. The night Scarlett had moved out, she’d apparently given him a teddy that she’d had on her bed. It would be covered in her scent and he adored that thing—even though he occasionally chewed its ears. That first night, Harvey had checked all through the house at bedtime for her, then retrieved his teddy and settled in on my bed, which was where he’d slept every night since.