“We…” must eliminate all risks.
“Yes?”
“She…” must die for me to marry the Moon.
I realize these are his words, not mine. I will not say them. Not now. Not ever. Even if I may have condemned my mother before, now that I have regained my senses, I will not order her executed.
The gagargi’s thin lips draw back, revealing his crooked teeth. “Out with it.”
But my father’s light is pure silver. The bead in my cupped palms blooms in amber. It is the key to everything. The Great Thinking Machine needs human souls for fuel. A human soul is amber in color. I think of the swan, how the gagargi stroked its forehead. I think of myself, lying with my head on his lap as he drew circles on my forehead and muttered words of… devotion, I assumed, but what if…
No, it is too terrible, too horrifying to even think of. I have wanted this empire to change for as long as I can remember. Gagargi Prataslav and I share the same goals. He would never… I glance at him, and find him staring hungrily at me from the other side of the room.
Oh, he would. He would have me order my mother executed, have me marry the Moon without ever realizing what I was doing. For even as my father can see into my soul, if I were still under the gagargi’s spell, I would think it my idea and my father wouldn’t turn me aside.
“I will not do it.” I lift the bead higher, before my face, and bask in the glow that is both disquieting and comforting. My hands tremble with my fury. But my voice is as regal as ever. “Even if you have somehow managed to steal a part of my soul.”
“Don’t you dare to—” The gagargi strides toward me then, regardless of the Moon’s light. His black robes flap in his wake. His boots strike hard against the rough stone floor.
“Stop.” I extend my hands toward the gagargi. The bead rolls so close to the edge of my fingertips that I am sure it will fall. Yet, somehow, it remains there, but only barely.
The gagargi halts as if he has hit a wall. He offers his palms at me in a pacifying gesture. But as he speaks, his nostrils flare. They are red inside, as if he were about to bleed. “Everything is all right. Nothing has changed. Just put the bead down, Celestia. Let us talk in peace.”
This is the confirmation I needed. If I put the bead down, he will regain his control over me, I am sure of that. And after my defiance, he will extract even more of my soul, until nothing remains but an automaton crafted for his purposes. It is awful to realize the truth. I really don’t matter to him—a soulless shell would suffice. For with me by his side, married to the Moon and bearing his child, he could rule the empire all by himself.
“Everything has changed.” I pry my palms apart. The bead rolls into the widening gap, so bright now. I have lost a part of myself irrevocably. But I would rather lose it permanently than let a man like Gagargi Prataslav possess control over me. “I will not become one of your soulless automatons.”
The Moon blesses me with his strength. I part my hands. For a moment, the bead just floats there, suspended in the air. Then it drops. Slowly, slower than it should. The gagargi dashes toward me, regardless of what my father might see. But it is too late.
The bead shatters as it meets the floor. The impact jars my every bone and muscle, as if I were the one slammed against the cold tiles. I fold onto my knees, spreading my arms to brace for the impact.
Golden haze blinds me. Pain binds me. It is my enemy that I have to thank for recovering from this daze.
“You stupid, stupid girl,” the gagargi shrieks, descending to all fours before me. He lifts one hand up, fingers twirling shapes. I realize he is trying to capture the soul strands that coil above the shattered bead.
He may not have them. But how does one capture back one’s soul? The strands coil toward me like a lost child rushing to greet her mother. Could it be as simple as to…
I bend my head down and inhale as deep as my lungs allow, even more, until it feels like they will explode. The shimmering tastes familiar, of midsummer roses in bloom mixed with endless fields of pristine snow. Even upon the first breath, I feel invigorated, stronger, faster. I inhale more, and I see… green grass under bare feet. Mist rolling to cover poppy fields. Alina laughing as she runs through dawn. Merile petting her dogs in a white wicker chair. Sibilia dreaming of her debut, of short-sleeved, sequined dresses. Elise sparkling on the dance floor, red-gold curls forming a halo around her head. But I can also see and smell and taste and feel the blue skies that stretch on forever and clear-watered blue lakes that are perfect for nesting.
“Stop resisting me,” the gagargi curses, and slaps my cheek. The impact is so hard that my head lolls sideways. The memories fade with the sudden, blooming pain. But they aren’t lost. If I were to want to do so, I could easily recall them.
“Never,” I hiss, even as sparks cling to the edges of my vision. Defiantly, I fan the air between us, bringing the last lingering amber strands toward me. I suck in the air. This is my soul, not his to toy around with.
Gagargi Prataslav, still on all fours like a snarling bear, raises a paw at me. He attempts to push at my shoulder, but I evade him gracefully. He growls at me, “What is mine will be mine forever.”
But that is where he is wrong. He may have fooled me once, but he will never fool me again. There are no soul strands left for him to catch. “You will never have me.”
I feel whole again, or at least in control of myself. Whatever I have lost, I can hopefully regain with time. I get back up on my knees. I sway onto my feet. I need to make it out of here, back to the palace to warn my family.
“Celestia, Celestia…” The gagargi stares at me from under his thick, black brows, and then he rises to his full height. He is tall, dark, and menacing. How I ever found him anything else, I don’t know. I regret that mistake, even as I know that will not be enough. Unless…
Captain Janlav stands by the door, staring fixedly ahead. He truly is under the gagargi’s control. If I can dash past the gagargi, I might make it past him, too.
“My little defiant empress-to-be.” The gagargi’s gaze deepens, widens. I can feel his voice winding around me. He can’t resist trying to see if he can still manipulate me. I steel my mind against him. I brush his words aside.
“Ah!” The gagargi taps his forehead theatrically. But this experiment of his, it has revealed that I can stand up against him now. “Ah, my dearest Celestia, it is of no use to fight against me. When the revolution comes we must all choose whether we are with the victors or whether we are but one of the victims.”
“Without me by your side,” I say, spitting the words out, circling around him, forcing myself to maintain the eye contact, until it is me who is closer to the door, “you will never rule the empire.”
Mother will believe me. My seed will believe me. Together, we can craft a plan. Surely we can prevent this coup attempt from turning into the revolution the gagargi desires.
“Well…” The gagargi stares at me, and his dark gaze intensifies. In it lies a challenge. And more. I recognize treachery now. “We shall just have to see how things pan out tonight, won’t we?”
I flee to the door then, past the dazed Captain Janlav, out of the laboratory. I don’t dare to look back as I scamper up the steep stairs, away from the gagargi’s ghastly chambers, into the entrance hall. I must stop what I have started. I must protect my mother and sisters.
“Run, my dearest Celestia, run!” Gagargi Prataslav’s words roll against my back, cold and heavy like waves about to drag one under the surface. “You may run as fast as your little feet can carry, but you will be too late. The revolution starts tonight, and you will be safe only with me!”