My heart sinks, for it is as if the ground were drawing me toward it, as if it were just a matter of seconds before it will swallow me altogether. My seed has calculated the odds and come to a grim conclusion. He has accepted his fate.
I will not resign myself to mine. Not before I have explored every possibility, no matter how unlikely they are to succeed.
“We do have one troika.” I must hear his reasoning. I can’t just welcome defeat, return with my sisters to the train, and leave him here to die.
“The gelding in the middle is lame. The troika’s right runner is broken.”
I shake my head despite myself. No wonder the soldiers by the stable are snickering. They know any attempt my seed were to make would be doomed to fail. They want to see him try, I realize. And worse, the gagargi wants me to attempt to defy him.
If I were to try today, he would win. If I don’t try, he will win. My prospects are bleak indeed.
“The gagargi wants me to tell you that you belong to him.” My seed spits on the ground, the snow trampled ugly brown by hooves. He is disgusted by the words that he must part with. “The next time you try to flee, he will have one of your sisters shot.”
My enemy knows me too well. I can see my life unfolding before me. He will blackmail me into appearing by his side and bearing his seed. Once he thought he could have me marry the Moon while spellbound to him. Now I doubt he will let any gagargi perform the ceremony, lest my father learn of his foul ways. I can live with my own pain, but not with the knowledge that further actions on my part will hurt my innocent sisters.
Elise has halted at the end of the street. She is waiting for my signal. But she has stared at me for too long, and this has intrigued Captain Janlav. He studies me, suspicious. Even Merile and Alina have noticed that the plan isn’t progressing as it should. They no longer play with the dogs.
I wave at my sisters to return to the train. This plan is foiled beyond recovery. We must salvage what we can.
“I am proud of you, Celestia,” General Monzanov says. Mother thought him the best strategist to have walked under the Moon for centuries. He knows when a defeat is inevitable. He doesn’t waste time dwelling on it. “You have found yourself a formidable foe. Though the situation might seem bleak now, that it is not. You are a daughter of my seed. You are the empress-to-be. You will defeat the gagargi one day, and your victory shall be great.”
My breathing comes in short gasps. I swallow back tears, the lump in my throat. He believes in me, the one who failed the empire. How can he be so sure of my victory, when even I doubt myself?
He places his palms on my shoulders and presses a kiss on my forehead. His gray beard tickles my skin. His frostbitten lips feel warm. This is how I must remember him. All this will be gone in mere moments.
“Go now, with your head held high. Take your place as the Moon’s wife. You will come up with another plan. You will triumph. You will succeed.”
I kiss his cheeks, twice on each side. Then I turn around and march back, following my own footprints. The icy wind chafes my face, my forehead, as if trying to erase his kiss. Tears burn in my eyes, but I will not cry them. Not now, not ever, for my sisters must not see me despair. I can’t allow the guards see me waver either. There is a chance they don’t know of what came and will come to pass, no matter how small that chance might be.
My sisters await me on the train platform with the guards in a crescent behind them. Elise’s smile falters as she takes in my grim expression. Sibilia closes her eyes and sighs. Merile takes hold of Alina’s hand. The dogs are curled at their feet.
“What news did your seed bring us?” Captain Janlav asks. “He said it was only for your ears, as ordered by Gagargi Prataslav himself.”
How devious is this man that has become my enemy! How cruel he is, too, to let a man travel across half the empire to help the daughter of his seed, only to ambush him a day before, only to toy with him until the very end!
But I must be smarter than the gagargi is. For some reason, he doesn’t want the train guards to learn of the rescue attempt. It will benefit my sisters and me to keep it a secret as well—for if the guards were to learn that we tried to flee, they would search our cabins, even our personages, and no doubt confiscate the pearls and sequins, perhaps even the book of scriptures that Sibilia has filled with her thoughts.
But what news could have warranted sending my seed to us? From the corner of my eye, I glimpse the magpie again. It brings to my mind the story Elise relayed to me, and I know it then, the answer that will buy me more time to think. “The Crescent Empress is dead.”
A gust of wind sweeps down the platform. It scatters specks of ice over us as it howls like an enraged beast. The guards’ faces pale as one.
“Bless the Moon.” Captain Janlav draws a circle around his heart. The other guards are quick to follow suit. They still respect and fear my father.
My sisters and I stand unfazed. We have known of our mother’s demise for weeks now, ever since the shadow of a swan visited Alina. We have hidden our grief so well that unburying it is a struggle. At least one of us should cry and wail. But none of us do.
It is Alina who breaks the silence. “Are we going?”
I wrap an arm around her narrow shoulders. She doesn’t realize how dangerous this question is. I can’t chastise her for that. But I can minimize the damage. “Yes, my dear. We are going back to the train now.”
As I lead Alina toward the day carriage, she glances over her shoulder. I shouldn’t look back, but I do. My seed is petting the brown mare. The horse’s head rests against his temple. His lips move as he murmurs soft words.
“Oh…” Alina stumbles on her own feet. “I thought…”
“Hush, little one. Hush now.” I guide her toward the train. The guards must not learn why my seed really came. Secrets are valuable. Some more so than others. This one is particularly precious, a weapon against the gagargi. “We grieve for Mother when we are alone. That is the way of the Moon.”
The wind moans as we return to our carriage. We don’t. Captain Janlav collects our blankets. He leaves without a word said, without one last smile aimed at Elise. He locks the door behind him. I count the steps moving farther away. My sisters stare expectantly at me. I raise my right hand. I lower it only after I can no longer hear his steps.
I dread what else I might hear. Gunshots in the distance. The demise of my seed.
Mother also said that an empress should never live in fear. She must face the truth and bear the consequences. Even if she is the one who betrayed those she loves the most. “The gagargi learnt of my plan.”
My sisters glance at each other. Not one of them knew of my seed’s involvement. Not one of them can be blamed. I did my best, but that wasn’t enough. But what sort of excuse is that! I failed them, and that is unforgivable.
Elise reaches out for my left hand. Her long, slim fingers curl around mine. “It’s not your fault.”
And then, without a word said, my sisters form a circle, from the oldest to the youngest, so that in the end I hold hands with both Elise and Alina. They… they haven’t forgiven me, for they see no reason to do so in the first place. At that moment I am speechless.
The train shudders into movement. The clanks against the icy rails are loud and cold, slow and heavy. How long will the soldiers by the stable wait before executing my seed? Until the train recedes from sight or not even that long?
I wait for the sound of rifles fired, holding my breath until I grow dizzy. But the train is too loud today. It hoots, and the wheels clatter like the hooves of an iron steed. I will not hear when my seed’s end comes. Perhaps it is better that way.
“What now?” Sibilia’s cheeks are flushed red, but her voice is soft and mellow. Merile and Alina nod in unison. The dogs lie down against my feet, to rest. They are not worried about what the future might bring in its wake. My sisters, they trust me with their lives, and as I am the oldest, it is my duty to come up with a new plan, to prevail against odds that might yet seem impossible.