And I am frightened and also excited; this is the most important painting I’ve ever done, because if he likes it he will do for me what no one else in the world can do, ensure the accomplishment of what I chiefly desire.
The brush is flying almost without conscious thought as I lay in the shadows on the white cloth-not white in the painting, of course, because white is never white, only fools paint it so with actual white paint-and I have to lean hard on the stick in my left hand to keep my brush from trembling. Another man comes in and hands the Pope a paper; he reads, says a few words, shifts in his chair. He is getting restless. I put my palette aside, bow, anticipate him: Holiness, I can finish this without your presence. It is almost done.
He rises, walks around, and considers the painting on the easel.
“You are no flatterer, Don Diego.”
“No, Holiness, I paint the truth as I see it. Truth is of God.”
And I think, almost before the words slip out, Jesus Maria, I am ruined, did I dare instruct the Pope on religion?
For an instant there is a sharp look, and then, thank Christ, a small cat smile forms on his hideous face.
“It is too true,” he says, “but still, it pleases me. And what is that paper I am holding?”
“It is my fancy, Holiness. A letter from myself, a petition.”
“Yes? What sort of petition?”
“For your support, Holiness. I wish to make casts of the Belvedere statues and other sculptures belonging to the Holy See. It would please my master.”
The Pope nods. “I will speak of this to the camerlengo. Your king is a well-beloved servant of the Holy Church.”
He turns to go, and with my heart in my throat I say, “And Holiness, a petition on my own behalf, with your permission.”
He turns, a little impatiently. “Yes?”
“I wish to become a knight of the military order of Santiago. In Spain, they still believe that painters, however noble their birth, cannot aspire to such honors. My family is of pure blood back to the most ancient times, and yet I fear my profession will undo me in this effort.”
A pause. That sly smile again. “Then we must inform them that in our Italy such is not the case.”
For a second I’m looking at the painting on the wall and the throne is empty, and then there’s the portrait again and a guard is holding my elbow, asking me what I’m doing, not amused. Lotte is standing next to him, white faced.
I could barely stand. I asked him what was up and he told me I had been mumbling to myself and trotting around the museum bumping into people. He advised me to go home and sleep it off.
I faced Lotte and she was frantic, she said I’d started talking to myself, that I’d walked off like I was going somewhere without a word to her, and that the guard had been right, I’d been acting like a crazy person, and what was going on?
Stupidly, I said it was nothing, when it clearly wasn’t, like that tired joke about the guy in bed with another woman and his wife’s standing there and he goes, “Who’re you going to believe, me or your own eyes?” And then she went into a whole thing about she couldn’t stand it, I was sick, and I was going to screw up this new opportunity with Krebs, just like I’d screwed up the rest of my painting career, but she wasn’t going to be an enabler, she was done with that, and I had to get professional help, I’d always been crazy, I’d destroyed myself because of my damned narcissism about my precious work, and how I’d let it destroy our marriage, oh, no, every great artist in the world had sold their work in galleries, but Chaz Wilmot was too good for that, I’d rather see our son dead, and she pitied me, and she swore she’d never speak to me again or let me see the kids until I was in a damned mental hospital where I belonged.
Nor was I silent while this was going on; I called her a money-grubbing bitch, I seem to recall, and we had a screaming match right there with the silly mannerist Virgins looking down on us, and the guards came and told us we had to leave. She ran out and I walked out, and when I got to the street she was gone. I hailed a cab of my own. The cabbie figured I was a rich tourist and took me on the scenic route back to the hotel, north and down through the crazy Vatican-area traffic, and I was too miserable to bitch. She’d left the hotel too, no note. I called her cell phone, but she declined to answer. When the message tone came on I couldn’t think of anything to say.
So after that I checked out of the hotel and returned to the forger’s nest. Sophia greeted me cheerfully when I passed her in the hall, as if I’d never left, but I suspected they knew pretty much what had gone down. I’m not paranoid or anything, but I do a lot of people-watching myself and I know that when you concentrate your attention on people they sooner or later get hip to it. I had been conscious of eyes on me for the past couple of days.
The odd thing was that I didn’t sink into an orgy of self-contempt the way I would have previously when something like that happened. It was like my real life-Lotte and the kids and New York-had become just another alternative life, one of several now available, and so the rejection didn’t sting the way it once had. Nothing is real, and nothing to get hung about, as the Beatles used to say. And the money, that universal balm. People also used to say love will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no love, but that’s only partially true. Money’s not everything, sure, but neither is it nothing.
And the other thing was I really liked being Velázquez. I remembered vividly what it was like to paint like him, I’d actually done that portrait, and I thought if they could put that experience into powder form, no one would ever look at crack cocaine.
I spent the next morning staring at the cleaned canvas on the easel. Baldassare had changed the size a little, a couple of inches off each dimension, but I didn’t bother to ask him why. Nor did I touch a brush; I just stared at the white. I’d been studying the radiographs published in Brown and Garrido and in various mono-graphs to get some idea of what his underpainting was like. The problem with Velázquez in his mature period was that he was so good he barely did any preliminary work. Aside from a few question-able sketches of the Pope’s portrait, there are no Velázquez sketches at all. None. The bastard just painted. He laid in the ground with a big brush or a palette knife in flake white and grays made with ochre and azurite, varying it according to the composition of the painting. When he had that right he drew in the figures directly, what they call alla prima painting, and then used diluted pigments to color them, so that the light ground and sometimes even the grain of the canvas showed through, a totally bravura technique, which is why nobody but an idiot tries to forge Velázquez.
All the confidence I’d felt briefly at the Doria in front of Innocent X had vanished with Lotte, as did my pleasure in my new wealth. Because in order to get that wealth, of course, I had to put paint on canvas, which just now I seemed disinclined to do. And as the good light faded I had plenty of time to consider the cowardice of Charles Wilmot, Jr., the Chaz of all my memories, the real reason why he wasn’t really a million-dollars-a-painting guy, not the market, not the art appreciation business at all, just the pure funk, because now, when it really counted, the big leagues, an actual million-dollar commission, Chaz doesn’t show up.
I blew a couple of days like that, just looking at the damned canvas. Baldassare came in once and told me he’d sized the old canvas with a secret water-soluble compound. The point of this was to fill the cracks in the seventeenth-century ground I’d be painting on, so that the new paint wouldn’t sink into it. After the forgery was done and dried, he’d dip the whole thing in water and the sizing would dissolve out; with a little bending and shaking the surface would conform to the old cracks, and bingo! Instant craqueleur.