“At least you’re trying,” I gave him an encouraging smile.
He reached out and squeezed my arm. “I’ve been waiting to see that smile for a long time now.”
He walked away. I felt warmth of familiarity come over me as I watched him go. He bent down and gave a sandwich to a little girl, then offered her a hug. It’d been so long since I was with a genuinely nice person, and I was being convicted for being so stubborn about a bag. It was all coming back. I was reminded again of when I wanted to marry him.
Robert smacked me on the hand with his turkey sandwich. “You okay?”
I nodded.
“I remember when you two broke up,” he said. “Mostly I remember you sitting at your desk, not doing your job. Particularly the time someone came to me asking for your reports and they found you in the bathroom sobbing.”
“Okay, look—”
“Anything would just send you off. Your cubicle neighbor kept playing that Adele album—”
“That’s not entirely what it was—”
“It came up as an agenda topic during a senior staff meeting. The consensus was, let’s ban Adele’s music. It makes the sad employee downstairs even sadder and it’s distracting.”
“I think we get your point—”
“I announced my nephew, Taylor Lautner, was coming in and anyone could come and meet him and you said you couldn’t be in the same room as anyone named Jake.”
“Thanks, Robert,” I said. “I had no idea how far your empathy spread.”
“Hear me out on this,” he said, taking a bite. “I know when a girl’s had her heart broken. I’ve done it plenty of times I’ve watched it even more times. Mostly because that Pretty Little Liars show is deceptively emotionally layered.”
I watched Jake now entertain four kids with a quarter and a woman’s scarf as Robert rolled his eyes.
“I will not talk to you until you get that silly half smile on your face.”
“What?” I asked.
“I’m giving you gold pearls of wisdom,” he said. “Don’t waste it.”
I sighed. “What?”
“He made you miserable,” he said. “I remember. No one who would have cared about you that much would have put you through the kind of hell you went through. I saw it on your face every day.” He shoved my sandwich at me. “You didn’t eat for months. I would see you in the break room, tearing up your food in these sad pieces. It was so awkward, and I was like, who is this sad person?”
I took a bite and nodded. Ham and cheese was way better than I remembered.
“He had his good points,” I said. “Never failed to convict me on what I could be doing. He genuinely cared about me.”
He raised an eyebrow at me and then threw my blanket at me. “Eat your sandwich,” he said. “Try to get some sleep. I’ll see if you’re sane in the morning.”
I don’t know if you’ve ever slept in quarantine, but sleep is almost impossible to get. The lights never shut off, there is weird smells, bodies are rolling up against you and the noise level never goes down. So I laid there and spent my time thinking instead. Every now and then I looked at Robert, who apparently, could just sleep anywhere, despite his previous pleas for lumbar support. He used his book as a pillow and spooned a tiny brunette.
Jake, on the other hand, nursed someone who was throwing up violently. I watched that happen too, my mind traveling back to when I threw up in the bathroom of that Italian place and he stood by the door. He left to jump start someone’s car and then disappeared for another hour to meet their kids. It was the ultimate in attention trumping that I couldn’t argue with.
As I stared at the scenes of human interaction around me, I thought maybe my sarcasm did get in the way of happiness, both in myself and in others. And maybe I was wrong to let Jake go. Someone so willing to put themselves in another person’s filth could never be on the wrong side of the argument. Probably why Mother Theresa was single—she was too good for everyone. Seemingly so, anyway.
It was at some point I got up and went to the public bathrooms, which were port-a-potties at the far end of the wall. When I was done, I washed my hands in a long trough of sinks that were being used for a variety of purposes. Jake followed me there, cleaning himself off.
He saw me and smiled. I smiled back. He motioned me to come over.
“I have a confession to make,” he whispered.
“Oh?”
He smiled. “It’s like God has something bigger than this planned.”
I nodded. “What are we up to now? Three Biblical plagues? Seems about right.”
“Are you still staying over on the east wing?”
“If east is that way.” I pointed to where Robert slept soundly. “Then yes.”
He took my hands. His were wet, but I didn’t mind.
“I’ll come and find you in the morning,” he said. “We have so much to catch up on, and I know time is a precious resource. Especially since we’re on such a good vibe.”
I nodded again.
“I really missed you,” he said. “Not everyone could make me laugh like you.”
I smiled. “There’s no one really like you,” I said.
“That means a lot to me.” He let go of my hands and smiled softly. “I’ll find you.”
I went back to where Robert was still sleeping. Next to him was a middle-aged woman who had a shiny bag near her. Her eyes were closed, but I could see into the shiny bag. A tube of Clinique lipstick stuck out of it so I reached over and took it, then slipped it into my pocket. Somehow I was able to sleep after that.
* * *
I stood in the breakfast line wearing lipstick, but I couldn’t find Jake. The woman who had slept next to me had gone into hysterics over her missing lipstick.
“Where the fuck is it?” she screamed. “Some asshole thinks they can steal my lipstick?”
I stared at the floor, holding my bowl. I pursed my lips, momentarily hiding them.
Robert stared down at me.
“Someone’s all dressed up. When did you go lipstick shopping?”
I shook my head. “I didn’t know anything about the time you took my spot in line and therefore took the last chicken Caesar salad.”
“You’re visualizing salads now?” He looked confused.
“No, this was two years ago,” I said. “And I didn’t say anything then, but it really bothered me.”
Robert rolled his eyes. “We’re living in a different world now. No one cares about salad.”
“But we should care about lipstick?”
He raised an eyebrow. I took a deep sigh and looked down at the lipstick in my hand.
“Fine.”
I made my way back to the woman who shouted at one of the security guards and made wild gesticulations with her arms.
“What kind of operation is this?” she asked, teeth bared. “I close my eyes and everyone thinks its open season?”
“Ma’am,” said the tired guard. “It’s lipstick. I’m sorry for your loss. Hopefully, this is the worst thing that happens to you during this time.”
“You’re not going to help?” she asked, grabbing the lapels of his uniform. “You’re not going to interrogate anyone?”
“Excuse me,” I said, gently approaching them. “I think this belongs to you.”
I held out the tube and waited for her to turn her wrath on me. Instead, she slowly took it out of my hand, staring at it in awe.
“You had this,” she said. “You? And now you’re giving it back?”
I nodded. “I’m sorry, I took it and it was wrong.”
She nodded and cleared her throat. Her breath quickened and her cheeks went flush. For a moment, I thought she was going to break into tears. She pointed at me and hissed at the guard. “And that’s how you do it!”
She turned on her heel and marched off in the other direction. The guard looked at me.
“Did that make any sense to you?” he asked.