‘Smoking,’ came Tim’s voice.
‘Feelin’ crea’ive,’ said Josh, mock-dignified.
‘And we were talking,’ said Edie.
‘A loada shit—’
‘You might’ve been,’ said Edie.
‘No, I was bein’ insigh’ful an’ profound,’ said Josh, and then, pointing sideways at Edie while leaning into her, he said to camera, ‘No, it’s ’er, really, it’s all ’er fault this ’appened. We were talkin’ abou’ the, you know, the people wha’ are buried there—’
‘Yeah,’ said Edie, ‘really thinking about the fact that we were lying like feet from actual corpses.’
‘Freakin’ ourselves ou’.’
‘You were freaking out, I wasn’t—’
‘’Cause you’re a freak.’
Edie laughed.
‘You are, Ed, I’m not sayin’ you’re a serial killer or wha’ever, you’re jus’… creepy… No, so, she starts imaginin’ what ’appens at night and all these fuckin’ surreal ideas—’
‘Katya told you not to swear on this.’
‘Bit fuckin’ late for that.’
Edie laughed.
‘So, yeah, all these ideas start comin’ out of Edie and we was lying there, like, makin’ all this stuff up…’
‘And then we got chucked out of the cemetery, because it was closing time,’ said Edie, ‘so we went home – we should say we live at an art collective, in a big old house—’
‘Why should we say that?’
‘I dunno… To explain our “process”?’
‘We ’aven’t got a process, mate, ours is not a process.’
Edie laughed again.
‘OK, well, whatever, we went back to the house and Josh drew – who did you draw first?’
‘’Arty, an’ you drew Drek. We’re bofe art students,’ he told the camera.
‘I’m not. You are. You were a proper one.’
‘I go’ chucked outta St Martin’s,’ Josh informed the audience. ‘For bein’ a slacker.’
‘Yeah,’ said Edie, ‘so we drew the characters for fun, some of the ideas we’d had while we were – er—’
‘Stoned,’ said Tim off screen.
‘—in the cemetery,’ said Edie, grinning, ‘and yeah, so it kind of—’
‘Escala’ed—’ said Josh.
‘Developed, I was gonna say.’
‘—from there. An’ our friend Seb ’elped us animate the first one,’ Josh continued. ‘Seb’s proper, ’e’s still at St Martin’s. An’ we got some mates to voice the characters an’ then we ’ad the firs’ episode, and then Edie ’ad more ideas so, yeah, we did anuvver one.’
‘And,’ said Edie, ‘we didn’t expect – we were really, really surprised how much people liked it, which is why we wanted to say how much we appreciate your comments. So, um, we’re gonna answer the most frequently asked questions now.’
Josh reached out of shot for a piece of lined paper that had evidently been torn out of a notebook, glanced at it, then said to camera,
‘Right, so ’ere’s one we’ve been asked a lot: “Where did you get the idea for ’Arty?”’ He looked sideways at Edie. ‘You need to answer that, because I ’ave no idea what goes on in your ’ead.’
‘OK, so I don’t really know how I thought of Harty except I think, when I was a kid, my mum told me a fairy tale about a stone heart… Is that a real thing, or have I imagined it? So I… I don’t know, I’ve got this memory of being told a story of somebody swapping their heart with a stone and I had a mental image of a heart leaving a chest. So then when we were in the cemetery I had this idea of somebody evil – about their heart surviving and trying to do better after their death. Like, the owner turned it black through all the bad things they did, so the heart has sort of survived when the rest of the body’s rotted, because it’s—’
‘—pickled in evil,’ said Josh with relish.
‘Kind of, but – no, because, isn’t Harty, like, the nicest character in the whole thing?’
‘Yeah, ’e is, I s’pose,’ said Josh slowly. ‘’E’s innocent… but ’e’s not, though, is ’e? Because ’e’s turned black, because of all the evil ’e did.’
‘But he didn’t do it,’ said Edie. The two of them were absorbed in each other now, the camera temporarily forgotten. ‘Harty gets blamed for it, he gets stigmatised, but he was a victim of the – the brain and the will, or whatever. He’s trying to do better, but he’s grotesque, so nobody believes he’s good.’
She turned to look at the camera again.
‘Did any of that make sense? No. Next question.’
‘“Is Paperwhite s’posed to be a bitch?”’ Josh read from his piece of paper. He looked up at the camera. ‘Yeah.’
‘No!’ said Edie, half-indignant, half-amused.
‘She is, though. She won’ ever give ’Arty a chance.’
‘She’s just a bit – um – we’ve never analysed any of this.’
‘That,’ said Josh, ‘will be pretty fuckin’ clear to anyone ’oo’s watched the cartoon.’
All laughed, including Tim. A beeping sounded.
‘Shit, that’s mine,’ said Josh, ‘forgotta turn it off…’
‘We’re so professional,’ said Edie to the audience.
‘It’s from Katya,’ said Josh, reading a message on his phone. ‘“Did you get round to makin’ a video answerin’ fans’ questions because I fink it would be…” “Doin’…”’ he read aloud as he typed and Tim laughed again, ‘“… it… right… now.” Aaand mute.’
He tossed the phone onto the bed.
‘Wha’ were we sayin’?’
‘About Paperwhite. She wants to be alive again. She hates being a ghost.’
‘She is kind of a bitch, though.’
‘Well, she’s stuck among all these—’
‘Freaks, yeah.’
‘—ambulant body parts,’ said Edie, and Josh laughed. ‘Nobody would want to be stuck there for ever.’
‘OK,’ said Josh, picking up his piece of paper again. ‘Nex’ question. Drek. “What is Drek?”’
They looked at each other and laughed again.
‘We don’t know,’ said Josh.
‘We genuinely don’t know what Drek is.’
‘You drew ’im,’ said Josh.
‘His head, yeah – I saw this mask, ages ago, and it was one of those –’
Edie mimed a huge beak.
‘– plague doctor’s masks? Like a huge beaky nose and little eyes, and I thought it was really creepy. So… he’s a bit sinister, Drek is.’
‘But wha’ is ’e?’
‘I genuinely don’t know,’ said Edie, starting to laugh. ‘What d’you think he is?’
‘Fuck knows. Maybe that’s episode free. “What the fuck is Drek?” Nex’ question… “What are smugliks an’ mukfluks?”’
At this, both Josh and Edie doubled up with laughter, bumping into each other, gasping for breath. Both had tears in their eyes by the time they composed themselves.
‘We can’ answer that,’ said Josh in a falsetto.
‘We can’t put the answer into words,’ said Edie breathlessly.
‘You’ll know a smuglik when you meet one,’ said Josh, fighting his laughter. ‘An’ a mukfluk.’
They both subsided into hysterics again. The unseen Tim was also laughing: the camera shook. At last, Josh said,
‘OK, let’s get a grip ’ere… so… this is a serious question.’ He brandished the piece of paper. ‘“D’you know the work of Jan Pieńkowski, because your animation reminds me of ’is illustrations.” Yeah! We love ’is stuff. ’E’s an influence. My mum gave me a book of ’is, what was published in the seventies.’
Edie now leaned offscreen and came back into shot holding a book of illustrated fairy tales.
‘This is it. I’d never heard of Jan before Josh showed it to me and now I’m, like, his biggest fan.’