He was preparing for bed one night when Laera came in, dressed in nothing but her robe, which she opened as she entered. He stared with disbelief. She slipped the robe off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor, and stood naked before him, like a beautiful sculpture unveiled, her creamy skin illuminated softly in the candlelight. His breath caught as he stared at her, drinking in her beauty. She had a way of looking at him that was at the same time seductive and possessive. And, as usual, he was unable to resist her.
After that first time, she came to his room almost every night, sometimes staying nearly until dawn. Her appetite was insatiable, and Aedan felt worn out. On a number of occasions, he had tried bolting his door when he retired for the night, but no sooner had he thrown the bolt than a stab of anxiety went through him and he thought, what would happen if she found herself locked out? What would she do? He was afraid to find out. And at the same time, he wanted her to come. And so his door remained unbolted.
He cursed himself for being weak, and for being afraid of refusing her, but on the nights she didn’t come, he found himself waiting for her with tense anticipation, feeling frustrated and disappointed when she failed to arrive. She neither told him that she would not be coming, nor did she offer any explanations or excuses. It was maddening, but there seemed to be nothing he could do about it. She enjoyed keeping him off balance. It was as if he were her plaything, to be used or disregarded subject to her whims.
Aedan was certain disaster was at hand when one of the house guards winked at him as they passed in the corridor one day. With horror, Aedan thought, he knows! And of course he knew, for the guards stationed in the corridors could not have failed to notice when Laera left her room each night, dressed only in her robe, not to return until at least several hours later. The guards were supposed to remain at their posts, but in the middle of the night, with everyone else asleep, it would have been a simple matter for one of them to follow her discreetly and find out where she went. By now, thought Aedan, with a sinking feeling, the entire house guard must know!
Fortunately, because they were the Royal House Guard and not the men-at-arms of the Archduke of Boeruine, their first loyalty was to the royal house, which meant the princess, and by extension Aedan as well. They found it quite amusing that the royal chamberlain’s son was not only having it off with a princess, but doing it right under the nose of her future husband, the proud and imperious archduke. It was just the sort of thing to strike a chord of manly empathy in any self-respecting guardsman’s heart.
However, Aedan reasoned that if the house guard was aware of what was going on, it would only be a matter of time—and not much time at that—before all the servants knew, as well. He knew he simply had to break it off somehow before disaster struck, but he did not know how, or even if he could. Laera had initiated their relationship, and now Laera controlled it. Aedan was afraid that if he tried to end it first, she would take it as a rejection, and that might give her all the excuse she needed to reveal their affair.
She was haughty, wilful, stubborn, and domineering, and the few times he had tried to tell her that what they were doing was wrong and dangerous, she had simply refused to listen. And even if, somehow, he could break it off, it really made no difference in the end, because the damage had already been done. Laera would not go to her wedding bed a virgin, and Lord Arwyn would thereby have the right to dissolve their marriage on the spot. It would disgrace the royal house and, after that, no self-respecting nobleman would want Laera for a wife, regardless of the political advantages.
It was an intolerable, nerve-racking situation, and Aedan did not see how he could possibly get out of it. It was all that he could do just to get through each successive day. With the exuberant energy of youth, Michael kept him on the go all day, and then at night, Laera wore him out with an altogether different sort of exuberance. And what with the attacks of guilt and self-recrimination that he suffered every night after she left his room—though she drove all such thoughts out of his mind while she was there—he wasn’t getting enough sleep. The anxiety was beginning to take its toll.
Worst of all was the thought of what this would do to his father. In all his life, Aedan had never disobeyed him, and what he was doing now was much worse than disobedience. He would bring dishonor and disgrace down on his family, and the thought of it made him sick at heart. It might have been easier if he could have told himself he loved her, but he did not, and he was certain Laera did not truly care for him. No tender words of love had ever passed between them. It was physical desire, pure and simple, nothing more than wanton lust, and that made it absolutely indefensible.
The trouble was, when she came creeping to his room at night and slipped her robe off her shoulders, and he would see her naked body gleaming in the candlelight, all reason simply left him. He could not control himself at all and, afterward, he would lie alone in bed, so overwhelmed with guilt that his chest would ache as if a huge weight were upon it. He had been raised to cultivate self-discipline and patience, yet he had become a slave to his own baser instincts. He could see no way around it. He was doomed.
After several weeks had passed since their first tryst on the tower, Aedan was a nervous wreck. He would flinch if someone merely called his name, expecting that at any time his treachery would be revealed. For it was treachery: he was conducting an illicit affair with a princess of the royal house in her future husband’s home. It preyed on his mind to such an extent that he was beginning to feel as if he would welcome being caught.
One morning, as he was saddling up the horses in the stables for himself and Michael to go hawking, he felt a light touch on his shoulder and practically jumped out of his skin. He spun around as he heard a throaty giggle and saw that Laera had sneaked up behind him in the stall.
“Laera! By Haelyn, you scared me half out of my wits!”
As he tried to catch his breath and make his heart stop hammering, she began to loosen the laces on her bodice. “I see the grooms have changed the straw,” she said, with a sultry little smile. “It’s nice and fresh.”
“Are you mad?” he said. “Michael will be here any moment!”
“He slept late this morning and is still getting dressed,” she replied as she slipped out of her gown. “We have time for a quick one.”
“Laera, for pity’s sake, the grooms!”
“Are all outside, exercising the horses,” she said, pulling him into an empty stall. “We are all alone. So hurry, get your clothes off. I want you.” She reached for his breeches.
He somehow found the strength of will to back away. “Laera, please! I beg of you, listen to me! This cannot go on! It would be worth my life if we were caught!”
“Then that should make it all the more exciting!” she said, reaching for him. “Besides, it is your duty to serve the emperor and his family. So … serve.” She put her arms around him and kissed him passionately.
“Aedan?”
It was Michael! Aedan quickly pulled Laera down inside the stall. She giggled and he pressed his lips to hers, desperately trying to silence her.
“Aedan, where are you?”
Laera loosened the drawstring of his breeches and started to pull them down. Her eyes were alight with excitement. Michael was but a few feet away, just outside the stall. The only thing separating them was a five-foot-high wood partition. Aedan stared at her with alarm, soundlessly mouthing, “Stop!” He tried to pull his breeches back up, but she grinned and fought him, pulling them back down. He was certain Michael would hear the rustling sounds they were making in the straw.
“Aedan, are you there?” Michael called out. “I see you have the horses saddled. Well, I am ready to go!”