They were only going as far as Stockholm. Even so, that was a bit of the way to the end of the world.
Which existed even if it didn’t exist.
The conductor passed by in the corridor. That was a job Joel had on his list, becoming a train conductor. But he’d crossed it out. It could never match up to being a sailor. Railway lines and a sea channel marked out by flashing buoys could never be the same thing.
Joel carefully fished Samuel’s watch out of his coat pocket. Midnight already. He put it back and stretched out on the seat. He had his feet towards the window so that he could still see out.
The tree trunks streaked past.
He tried to imagine what would happen when he and Samuel met Mummy Jenny. Would she shake Samuel’s hand?
And what would she do to Joel? Give him a hug? Or shake him by the hand as well?
Joel sat up. It was Elinor who had written the letter to Samuel. Not Mummy Jenny herself. Why hadn’t she written? Perhaps she didn’t want to meet them at all? Maybe the man she was married to would be angry? Perhaps there was some law or other that’s aid it was forbidden for him and Samuel to visit her without announcing themselves in advance? Joel was sure that Samuel didn’t know much about the law. And what did he know himself? Nothing at all.
Joel looked at Samuel. Grown-ups were strange. How could Samuel sleep so peacefully? He must be just as nervous as Joel. But he was asleep. Fast asleep, with his hands clasped on his chest.
Or was he lying there and saying a prayer?
Dear God, please make Jenny glad to see me again. And Joel. Amen.
Joel sat down by the window once more. The train was shuddering its way round a long bend. He could just make out a lake behind the trees. His face was reflected in the window. His hair was short. Almost a crew cut. But the quiff immediately above his forehead made that part of his hair stand on end. It always did that. No matter how much water he used in an attempt to make it lie down.
Maybe Mummy Jenny would think he was ugly?
I know nothing, Joel thought. That’s the worst thing of all. Not knowing anything.
He lay down on the seat again. The train was shaking and lurching. He tried to count the gaps between the joinings of the rails.
Then he fell asleep.
Joel woke up when the train came to a halt. When he opened his eyes he knew immediately where he was. But when he looked at the seat opposite, he saw that Samuel was no longer there. He sat up. There wasn’t a sound. He opened the door and looked out into the corridor. And saw Samuel, who had opened a window. He smiled when he saw Joel.
‘Did I wake you up?’
‘Why has the train stopped?’
Joel was so sleepy that he could hardly keep his eyes open.
‘Maybe we have to wait for an oncoming train to pass. Or there might be a signal at red.’
‘Where are we? What’s the time?’
‘We’ll be in Orsa an hour or so from now.’
‘Hasn’t the forest finished yet?’
Samuel laughed.
‘Nearly,’ he said. ‘The forest’s about to come to an end. For now.’
‘Is that why you’re standing here? To take a last look at the trees?’
‘Could be.’
Joel had the impression that Samuel wanted to be left alone. Perhaps he was thinking about Jenny?
‘I’m off to lie down again,’ he said.
Joel fell asleep the moment he lay down.
When he woke up it was broad daylight. The sun was shining. Samuel was sitting by the window, drinking coffee. Joel sat up like a shot, as if he had to go to school but had overslept.
‘Have we come to Orsa yet?’ he asked.
‘We’ve passed there. And Mora as well.’
Joel looked out of the window. The countryside was completely different. He could hardly believe his eyes. An enormous lake stretched out in front of him, whichever way he looked.
‘Lake Siljan is beautiful,’ said Samuel. ‘It almost makes you think you’re at sea.’
‘That’s what I keep saying,’ said Joel. ‘Why do you hang about in the forest when you really want to be at sea?’
Samuel shook his head slowly, but he didn’t say anything. Joel went out into the corridor to pour himself a beaker of water.
Then they had breakfast. The train stopped at Rättvik, and an elderly couple came to sit in their compartment. Samuel moved his suitcase. The man and woman chatted away. They sounded quite different from the people back home in the little town. Joel very nearly burst out laughing. Samuel noticed, and gave him a stern look.
They got off in Krylbo and changed trains. It was a very large station. Samuel was worried about boarding the wrong train. He asked three different porters if they were on the right platform. When the train arrived, it was difficult to find any empty seats. They eventually found two, and Joel sat next to the door. He was annoyed when Samuel tried to talk to him. He didn’t like Samuel talking to him when others could hear. He pretended to be asleep, and quickly fell asleep in fact.
Some of the others in the compartment got off in Sala. Samuel and Joel ate the rest of their food.
‘Only four more hours to go now,’ said Samuel. ‘Then we’ll be there.’
They were the longest four hours of Joel’s life. He tried to will the train to go faster. But at the same time, he tried to make it go slower. He both wanted to get there, and not to get there.
But they eventually arrived in Stockholm. All the other passengers left the train. It was all hustle and bustle and noise on the platform. Samuel and Joel were sitting opposite each other. Each of them was clinging on to his suitcase or rucksack. The cardboard box containing the Celestine was on the shelf in front of the window.
Samuel suddenly looked small and unsure of himself.
He’s regretting it now, Joel thought angrily. What he really wants to do is to keep sitting where he is and hope that they’ll attach a new engine to the other end of the train, so that he can go back home. To his confounded trees.
‘We’d better get off now,’ Joel said. ‘Otherwise it’ll set off again, and goodness only knows where we’ll end up.’
Samuel nodded.
‘I suppose we should,’ he said. ‘We’ll have to find somewhere to stay.’
Samuel had often told Joel about his visits to Stockholm, but now he was acting as if this was the first time he’d ever been there. When they came to the big station concourse, Samuel had no idea which way to go. Joel had become so hot and bothered by the masses of people that he started shouting and tugging at Samuel’s overcoat. There was so much to see, so much to hear.
Samuel pointed at a bench.
‘Let’s sit down,’ he said. ‘There are so many people rushing around, you can’t see where you’re going.’
They sat down. Samuel was still holding tightly on to his suitcase.
Joel started to get annoyed. Or was he afraid, perhaps? Because Samuel seemed to have no control over the situation.
‘Where are we going to go?’ he asked.
Samuel pulled a face.
‘There are some cheap hotels near the station.’
Joel felt as if he’d been punched in the stomach. It was as if he were seeing Samuel, his father, for the first time. Small and with drooping shoulders. Wearing old, worn-out clothes. Despite the fact that they were the best he had. And then that accursed suitcase. With the broken handle.
He’d never felt like this before. Not even when Samuel had been drunk and Joel had to drag him home.
But now it happened. Joel was ashamed of him.
He was ashamed of having a father like Samuel.
‘Where are those bloody hotels, then?’ he snarled.
Samuel looked at him in surprise.
‘Yes, I swore,’ said Joel. ‘I’ll swear as much as I like.’