HONORARY COUNSELLOR Yes, they certainly managed to bring ruin on themselves that time, the Romanian king and his consort!
OLD BIACH (fantasizing) No one speaks of the dear departed — perhaps the perfume from the wall facings wafting through the rooms is the only trace they left behind of their former wanton luxury.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR Well, it’s no skin off my nose. The victory—
OLD BIACH (resolutely) The victory satisfied a need.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR Let’s leave it at that. What we want today—
OLD BIACH Today we want to talk to the powerful gentlemen in the Big Four.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR And you’ll persuade them, eh? You’re dreaming!
OLD BIACH (in an ingratiating tone) We do not want—
HONORARY COUNSELLOR You can talk till you’re blue in the face if you want, and it’ll just be hot air for the Big Four.
OLD BIACH (zealously) Because they paid no attention to people’s illusions and moods, and poisoned the very air we breathe with such provocations. That said, there’s greed behind such calculations—
HONORARY COUNSELLOR Just you watch, they’ll end up reaching Constantinople.
OLD BIACH (passionately) Hagia Sophia is the mirage driving Russia’s expansionist policy. The promise to make this mirror image come true is the political nose ring the English used, and still use, to manipulate the Russian bear.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR Y’know, it seems to me you’ve something of a grudge against England.
OLD BIACH (unequivocally) England is not under threat. Schiller’s William Tell says: Every man’s intent on his own business — mine is murder.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR Yours?
OLD BIACH His!
HONORARY COUNSELLOR His?
OLD BIACH Tell’s!
HONORARY COUNSELLOR Why Tell’s?
OLD BIACH England’s!
HONORARY COUNSELLOR So England is Tell? On the contrary, surely England is the tyrant Gessler and Germany is the idealistic William Tell! Tell says: Quiet and harmless was the life I led.
OLD BIACH You?
HONORARY COUNSELLOR Him!
OLD BIACH Him?!
HONORARY COUNSELLOR Tell!
OLD BIACH Why Tell?
HONORARY COUNSELLOR Germany, of course! Tell says: The milk of human kindness thou hast turned to rankling poison in my breast.
OLD BIACH (bitterly) How perverse!
HONORARY COUNSELLOR You’re right there.
OLD BIACH (gloomily) We can imagine him as one of the Italian leaders sitting there on the government bench in the palace on Monte Citorio, a gloomy, taciturn figure.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR Who? There’s absolutely no sign of that!
OLD BIACH There are recognizable signs of dejection. The neutral countries are beginning to speculate.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR That may be. But perhaps—
OLD BIACH Perhaps it’s already being whispered in English society that the war no longer pays. The policy of encirclement is bankrupt.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR I’m convinced of that. But Lloyd George—
OLD BIACH But that policy was the one Lloyd George—
HONORARY COUNSELLOR He needs some good advice. What do you say about Russia?
OLD BIACH (weightily) Their wings are made of lead.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR And where does that take us?
OLD BIACH (more to himself) To an age of terror!
HONORARY COUNSELLOR Think I don’t know?
OLD BIACH You can imagine the bombs thundering down.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR Quite. But what good is that to us?
OLD BIACH (satisfied) The Entente is losing heart.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR You’re alluding to the fact that Lloyd George is getting mad at Clemenceau. If Germany pulls it off — fine. But—
OLD BIACH (with some aplomb) We can imagine Lloyd George getting up from his seat in church and beginning to preach because, as the Good Book says, the spirit of the Lord has come upon him. But Clemenceau? That would be unthinkable.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR Look at the facts—
OLD BIACH President Wilson once said: The ear of the leader must ring with the voices of the people, so I put my ear to the ground.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR You? Ah, you mean Wilson! And what good did it do him?
OLD BIACH (shrugging) Wilson is surely a traveller who has missed the train.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR Bad for business.
OLD BIACH (forcefully) But Lloyd George has one political motive which is no less important.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR I can imagine.
OLD BIACH We can imagine the impression it would create in Vienna if news came of a major battle taking place nearby — in Gloggnitz, say, or Neunkirchen.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR God forbid! But what do you think about—
OLD BIACH (mysteriously) The edifice is crumbling.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR Tell me another. But I ask you, what do you think about Lutsk?
OLD BIACH (consternated) You’ve got to put yourself in Russia’s place.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR And where does that get you? Look, Lutsk—
OLD BIACH (ardently) In a major offensive, psychology is vital.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR Where does it say that?
OLD BIACH (slyly) A soldier stands on guard in the mountains above Asiago.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR So—?
OLD BIACH (morosely) That’s degenerate.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR How do you mean? The Entente—
OLD BIACH (angrily) The Entente wants to inflict humiliation.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR How am I to understand that?
OLD BIACH (moans) What did the Austro-Hungarian monarchy do to Wilson to make him—
HONORARY COUNSELLOR Just a minute—
OLD BIACH (groans) What did our monarchy do to England to make it—
HONORARY COUNSELLOR But now it’s a question of—
OLD BIACH (cries out) What did our monarchy do to Serbia to make it—
HONORARY COUNSELLOR Now, now, calm yourself!
OLD BIACH The Entente knows it can’t defeat us with weapons, but (winks) they are needling us.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR But that’ll get them nowhere. D’you know what we can say today, however?
OLD BIACH (resolutely) Heroes’ death likely for garrison at Kiautschou.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR That’s all history now! What’s interesting is what’s in today’s Neue Freie Presse: Resolution of crisis imminent.
OLD BIACH Probably tomorrow.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR And did you see: Count Czernin leaves for Bucharest?
OLD BIACH Saturday, the day after tomorrow.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR D’you know what that means? Peace in sight. And how did that come about?
OLD BIACH Thanks to today’s communiqué.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR Which read: Slight easing of crisis.
OLD BIACH In yesterday’s London papers.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR Stirring times.
OLD BIACH As illustrated by the news on hand.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR I’ve just been reading the article: The Evacuation of Asiago. D’you know who by?
OLD BIACH By the civil population.
HONORARY COUNSELLOR The subtitle is crucial — that says it all. But sometimes a sentence is enough—
OLD BIACH (with tongue in cheek) Sibyl was the daughter of a labourer.