Will ask: should he be spared?
To live in peace was his main task:
eternal peace he’s got!
But there’s one thing he wants to ask
before the coffin’s shut.
“So young? And after so much toil?
I’m really not prepared
to shuffle off this mortal coil—
Surely I should be spared?”
(Both valets appear on tiptoe.)
(Change of scene.)
Scene 32
Kragujevac. Court-martial.
LIEUTENANT-ADVOCATE (shouts angrily) Let ’em go hang! (to clerk of court) Have you made fair copies of the three death sentences? Those three fellows from Karlova who had guns, I mean.
CLERK Yes, but (he hesitates) — I should point out — I’ve just discovered — they’re only 18—
LIEUTENANT-ADVOCATE So what? What are you getting at?
CLERK Well — according to the Military Penal Code — they can’t be executed — the sentence needs to be changed — to hard labour—
LIEUTENANT-ADVOCATE Let’s have a look (He reads.) Hmm. We won’t change the sentence, we’ll change their age. In any case, they’re strapping lads. (He dips his pen in the inkwell.) So instead of 18, we’ll just put 21. (He writes.) There, no problem — now we can hang ’em.
(Change of scene.)
Scene 33
Promenade in Bad Ischl. A group of sympathizers surrounds Julius Korngold.
KORNGOLD (wringing his hands) But my son Wolfgang, he’s a sick boy! He’s a sick boy! (The group leads him away.)
FIRST VISITOR TO SPA (addresses another) You’ll know the answer, I’m sure. After all, you’re well in with those theatre people. So tell me, is it true what you hear, or is it only a rumour?
SECOND VISITOR Old Biach?
FIRST VISITOR No, no, young Korngold!
SECOND VISITOR (solemnly) It’s true.
FIRST VISITOR Get away! — the son — young Korngold — they’ve enlisted him?
SECOND VISITOR That’s what I’m telling you! What about Biach, though? (Exeunt.)
THIRD VISITOR (shaking his head; to his companion) Wolfgang’s another Mozart! And they’ve conscripted him even though his dad writes for the Neue Freie Presse!
FOURTH VISITOR (glancing over his shoulder) The army’s revenge! (Exeunt.)
(Enter Fräulein Löwenstamm and Fräulein Körmendy, both wearing Dirndl costumes.)
FRÄULEIN LÖWENSTAMM The rain’s stopped!
FRÄULEIN KÖRMENDY So what’s the plan? Are you going to the lake this afternoon?
FRÄULEIN LÖWENSTAMM Yes, if it stays fine, otherwise tea at Zauner’s, of course. What about this evening? Are you going to the show? We’ve got seats already, Franz Schalk from the Opera is conducting. (Another girl in a Dirndl passes by.) Psst — look at her in her finery—!
FRÄULEIN KÖRMENDY Who does she think she is, going around got up like that!
FRÄULEIN LÖWENSTAMM Well, her brother’s a great admirer of Else Wohlgemuth of the Burgtheater.
FRÄULEIN KÖRMENDY Look, there’s Franz Lehár with the librettist Julius Bauer. (Exeunt.)
BOB SCHLESINGER (in loden jacket, with bare knees) The fuss he’s making! Bet Korngold’s exempted by next week! Only needs a word from me to Hans Müller!
BABY FANTO (dressed for tennis) A word from papa, more like! The whole of the General Staff is in and out of our house in Baden, as everyone knows. General Arz is in fits every time Thury tells a joke, and I do a takeoff of Leopoldine Konstantin acting.
(An automobile with the Habsburg crest drives past. They bow.)
BOB SCHLESINGER Empty, I think.
BABY FANTO Salvator, I think. (Exeunt.)
REGULAR SUBSCRIBER TO NEUE FREIE PRESSE D’ya read about young Korngold — what d’ya think?
THE OLDEST SUBSCRIBER Can’t fail to make an impact in England. (Exeunt.)
(The lamentations of Julius Korngold can be heard at some considerable distance.)
(Change of scene.)
Scene 34
Police station.
INSPECTOR Aha, another syphilitic slut! Lice-ridden, too!
POLICEMAN I know this one already. She’s got previous for theft and was put away for vagrancy. Checked for VD, too.
INSPECTOR What age are you? Who do you belong to?
17-YEAR-OLD Father’s in the field. Mother’s dead.
INSPECTOR And how long have you been leading this life?
17-YEAR-OLD Since 1914.
(Change of scene.)
Scene 35
Berlin all-night bar.
RAUCOUS VOICE (at the back)
What a brew — I’m feeling queasy—
This diluted beer’s disgusting—
but I’ll sick it up dead easy
when my gut is full to busting.
Bring some bubbly, you cheeky puppies! Don’t go, Friedekins, my precious little moppet — park your little bottom down there again! — Hey you, you treacherous traitors! — what? — come on, come on, once more into the breach, into the Somme!—
FRIEDE GUTZKE (spits on the top of his bald head) Oops! Didn’t see that, pops, eh — (comes forward.)
(Solly Katzenellenbogen, export, Frankfurt on the Oder, taps his neighbour, Krotoschiner II, lawyer, on the shoulder.)
KATZENELLENBOGEN How does Nietzsche put it in Zarathustra? “When you go to women, don’t forget your whip”!
KROTOSCHINER II Now listen, just don’t mention that man, he cuts no ice with me, and he came to a sticky end, as we know — Rotten to the core, I’m telling you. D’ya know Dolorosa?
KATZENELLENBOGEN No. Isn’t that Hertha Lücke from the Palais de Dance? — 15 Kantstrasse, first floor, telephone 854757?
KROTOSCHINER II Rubbish, it’s Gerda Mücke from the Casino Unter den Linden, 59 Leibnizstrasse, second floor, telephone 957853, with hot water, internal lift, bathroom in each apartment, tip-top! She can really turn you on!
KATZENELLENBOGEN Sure can! One of Berlin’s finest, right now — and d’ya know who that is beside her? Motty Mannheimer — no wonder, when he showers them all with 100-mark notes.
(The band plays the song “Wotsa Matter, Honeybaby?”)
FRIEDA GUTZKE (to Katzenellenbogen, in passing) You heard — wotsa matter? — sitting there so cheesed off, the two of you? What ho, tallyho! — (to Krotoschiner II) well, sweetie? Old man with monocle!
KROTOSCHINER II Hi, gorgeous! — come and join us!
FRIEDA GUTZKE Nothing doing, early closing time — see the lord of the manor back there, that big Pommeranian stallion with his ugly red mug — some other time — for a grand you can drive your nail into Hindenburg for me. (She goes to the back.)
RAUCOUS VOICE
Your clothing ration for the year—
all right, I heard your snickers—
(Frieda Gutzke joins in)
it barely covers up your rear:
a single pair of knickers!
(Change of scene.)
Scene 36
Optimist and Grumbler in conversation.