JOURNALIST What about the infectious diseases, Captain?
CAPTAIN Are you joking?! “Close cooperation between officers, doctors, and men is certainly not a problem awaiting implementation. The doctor is no longer only a physician, it is his role, over and above his purely medical activities, to maintain that physical and psychological balance in the men which constantly underpins the winning of battles and the ability to endure suffering. For months now, new admissions with infectious diseases have been few and far between. Venereal diseases are the only thing that still cause us concern.” (Giggling.) “At all events, how they can be successfully treated is the most important problem we’ve encountered so far. Still, in the apparently hopeless battle against venereal diseases, we must not simply lay down tools.” (Merriment.) “Bear in mind that a not inconsiderable number of soldiers have become venereally infected during this campaign, bear in mind further that, as a direct consequence of the war, the population has already suffered the loss of many soldiers in their prime — it is consequently clear that we must counter the damage due to venereal diseases with all means in our power. Even though what we have already achieved in maintaining the vigorous manhood of the individual is of benefit to the people, the battle against venereal diseases is an essential precondition if we are to sustain the health of our race. The gravity of the situation demands intervention, it demands that as far as possible we should work towards the same goal with unflagging energy. Among the measures to sustain the vigorous manhood of individual lives and, more broadly, of the people — measures taken under the auspices of our army commander, His Excellency Colonel General von Böhm-Erbolli, and which also bear the personal stamp of both the chief of the Army Medical Corps and the Quartermaster-General — along with the prophylactic units and the central hospital with its first-rate staff and therapeutic equipment, there is an institution which enables us to uphold — stalwart and true — the individual soldier’s vigorous manhood and ensure the regeneration of our race, an institution in which those sunny days after the retaking of Lemberg brought forth fruit on a vast scale. We have established”—and you can take this down exactly as I got it, direct from head of the Medical Corps: “We have established brothels with impeccable human resources and under the strictest military control.”
(Change of scene.)
Scene 44
Army training unit. Vladimir-Volinski, Ukraine.
A CAPTAIN (dictates to a clerk) The following order is to be read out to all men in the troop on three consecutive days: Cases of venereal disease are to be treated as self-inflicted and subject to court-martial. To lend force to this decree, soldiers thus infected are in every case to report to the head of the Army Training Unit. Recent cases proved to have been contracted by artificial means or deliberately self-inflicted will be subject to corporal punishment. The flogging will begin with five strokes of the birch, to be increased by one stroke daily, and continue until symptoms of the disease disappear.
The first flogging is to be administered today at 2 pm to the following—
That’s it, copy it out.
Punishment to be administered by the provost marshal. Two strong men from the technical company are to be put at his disposal.
(Change of scene.)
Scene 45
Count Dohna-Schlodien at home. He is surrounded by 12 press reporters.
A PRESS REPORTER We consider ourselves extremely privileged, Captain, to receive from the mouth of one of our immortal heroes in person an authentic account of the glorious naval exploits of the cruiser Möwe, which our children and our children’s children will relate to their grandchildren, and which shall live on in the annals of our nation. (They prepare to write.)
DOHNA Gentlemen, I am a man of action and few words. You may note the following essentials. On the basis of information received from reconnaissance I drew up a fairly precise plan. On day one I was lucky enough to spot a large steamer. As you know, it was the French battleship Voltaire. I waited through the night before approaching the Voltaire.
A VOICE IN THE GROUP Bravo!
DOHNA Later I was able to put the Voltaire out of action. Then I cruised the North Atlantic without spotting any further ships for the first three days; later, however, I managed to eliminate a steamer almost every day. All the ships were carrying valuable cargo, partly war material; one of them had a cargo of 1,200 horses.
PRESS REPORTER Fully functioning horses? 1,200 horses, Captain?
DOHNA 1,200—! (Gesture of sinking.)
PRESS REPORTERS (all speaking at once) By thunder! — Fully functioning horses! — Bravo! — Military precision! Breaks all records! — What panache!
ACT V
Scene 1
A cold, wet evening at the corner where the Kärntnerstrasse meets the Ring. Rain is falling upwards. A pack of pigheaded diehards gawking in silence. The street is lined by the wounded and the dead.
VOICE OF A NEWS VENDOR Evening paper — eight o’clock edition!
FIRST OFFICER (to three others) Evening Nowotny, evening Pokorny, evening Powolny — the very man! You know all about politics. Come on, tell us, what d’ya think about Bulgaria?
SECOND OFFICER (with walking stick) You know what I think — a complete no-brainer!
THIRD OFFICER Y’know — that’s spot-on.
FOURTH OFFICER Absolutely — I was at a bash in the mess last night—! Did you see the latest Schönpflug cartoon? Fantabulous!
VOICE OF A NEWS VENDOR Entente angling for peace!
THIRD OFFICER Dismal tonight, isn’t it?
FIRST Y’know what Schlepitschka von Schlachtentreu in the War Ministry said today: giants would be a peaceful step — no, hang on — peace would be a giant step for mankind, that’s it. Think that’s true? Optimistic, isn’t it?
SECOND OFFICER It’s pessimistic.
FIRST OFFICER Pessimistic, is it? Y’know, he said there’s a sick man in Turkey, then it’s our turn — what’s that mean, d’y’think?