(Shouts of “Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!” The speaker stands down. The crowd strikes up Luther’s hymn “A Mighty Fortress Is Our God.”)
EDITOR IN CHIEF MASCHKE My beloved comrades! I shall be brief. I demand one thing only, one thing which inspires us alclass="underline" Down with the conscience of the world community! (Shouts of “Hurrah!”) Down with the spirit of universal brotherhood! (Shouts of “Hurrah!”) The only voice of conscience that we hear and obey is the imperative of German power! And its watchword is “More power! More power to Germany!” Anyone who talks or writes as his global conscience dictates, or his feeling of responsibility towards mankind, rather than the power of the German sword, is a political dreamer with his head in the clouds.
(Deafening applause.)
A DISSENTING VOICE Let me remind this august gathering of just one thing. The Minister of Finance recently tried to gloss over the harm inflicted on public morality by the war when he pointed to the brilliant victories of our troops. But the Bible tells us: “What shall it profit a man if he should gain the whole world and lose his own soul?” Our modern civilization takes the same view as the Bible: the moral corruption of society by fraud, theft, and deceit can never be glossed over by military glory. Great national institutions such as the Post Office have been turned into dens of thieves, whole classes of people have been hurled into the bottomless pit, all because of the insatiable greed for profit — (shouts of “Throw ’im out!” The speaker is ejected.)
PROFESSOR PUPPE Ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be brief, since the guidelines for a peace on German terms lie so clearly before our eyes that we can stretch out and touch them. (He does so.) A friendly reconciliation with France is impossible. (Shouts of “Impossible!”) We must render France so powerless that they can never attack us again! (Deafening applause.) For that, we must push forward our western border; the iron ore mines of northern France must be ours! (Lively applause.) We must never lose control of what used to be known as Belgium — militarily, politically, or economically! In addition, we need a large colonial empire in Africa! (Deafening applause.) To secure this, we need naval bases! It is imperative that England be expelled from the Mediterranean, from Gibraltar, Malta, Cyprus, Egypt, and her recent conquests there! (Shouts of “Gott strafe England!”) Naturally, we shall also demand reparations! (Tumultuous applause.) — This to be achieved by forcing the enemy to put a substantial part of their merchant fleet at our disposal to supply us with gold, foodstuffs, and raw materials. (Shouts of “Hurrah!”) Further—
(Change of scene.)
Scene 8
Optimist and Grumbler in conversation.
OPTIMIST What’s that you’re reading?
GRUMBLER Listen to this: “Madman Takes Control of Cab Horse. An alarming incident last night at the junction of Alserstrasse and Landesgerichtsstrasse created a protracted sensation among the many passersby. Around half past seven a one-horse carriage with two lady passengers and their luggage stacked up on the driver’s seat was travelling down the Universitätsstrasse towards the Alserstrasse. As the carriage drove slowly towards the junction of Alserstrasse and Landesgerichtsstrasse, a young man in infantry uniform suddenly ran into the street and lunged at the cab horse. He grabbed the reins and tried to stop the horse. The cabby was startled, the two passengers shocked. The cabby whipped the horse to get it to go faster and elude the young man; the horse did speed up, at which the young man launched himself forward again and jumped on its back. With his bare hands he got the poor beast to go even faster by repeatedly shouting ‘Hurrah!’ By now the cabby had totally lost control of the horse, and the strange rider made the horse turn right around. At a gallop it made for the crossing with the carriage pitching and tossing behind. The escapade could have ended in disaster if a policeman at the crossing hadn’t seized the horse’s reins and brought it to a halt. The policeman hauled the rider to the ground. Cabby and passengers breathed a sigh of relief. A large crowd immediately gathered around the carriage. The young man, evidently deranged, was taken to a psychiatric hospital.”
OPTIMIST So what? A trivial local incident. Why do you bother with such things? Surely there are matters of greater moment now. The big question, according to Harden in Berlin—
GRUMBLER The most urgent question is surely: how long do we have to wait for a policeman? When you really need one, he’s naturally never there!
OPTIMIST Yes, but why do you get worked up about that? A trivial local incident!
GRUMBLER I’ll tell you this, nothing can protect us from such local incidents! The strange rider won’t dismount — until a policeman appears!
OPTIMIST I don’t understand. You’re a typical Viennese grouse. International politics are surely more important.
GRUMBLER But mine is a roundabout way of getting at the heart of the matter. World affairs are too remote for my taste. With the possible exception of Japan, that does interest me.
OPTIMIST It’s revealing what you come up with. Why Japan?
GRUMBLER There — listen to this—“The Sino-Japanese Military Convention. Japan Totally Dominant in China. According to the Shanghai Gazette, the content of secret agreements in the military convention just signed between Japan and China is as follows: The Chinese police force will be reorganized by Japan. Japan takes control of all Chinese arsenals and naval dockyards. Japan is empowered to extract iron and coal in all regions of China. Japan has privileged status in all matters in Outer and Inner Mongolia, also in Manchuria. Finally, a number of measures have been taken which subject Chinese finance and food production to Japanese influence.”—Oh, I really do take an interest in international politics!
OPTIMIST Yes, but of what interest is Japan to us? The relationship between Japan and China seems, in your eyes, to have been—
GRUMBLER —expanded and intensified!
(Change of scene.)
Scene 9
The esplanade at Bad Ischl. Subscriber to the Neue Freie Presse and Patriot in conversation.
PATRIOT Full agreement was reached and the decision taken to expand and intensify the Special Relationship.
SUBSCRIBER In a word, then, expansion and intensification of the alliance.
PATRIOT There was full agreement reached on all issues and the decision taken to expand and intensify the existing alliance.
SUBSCRIBER In a word, then, expansion and intensification of the existing alliance.
PATRIOT As of today, the form which the expansion and intensification of the alliance will take, has not yet been revealed.
SUBSCRIBER However, the war has made the expansion and intensification of the alliance necessary.
PATRIOT The direction in which the expansion and intensification of the alliance will proceed, is not indicated in the official communiqué.