Two liberal politicians, Zulauf and Ablauf, are sitting at a table. Each has a low stand-up collar with crossover ends, a ready-made bowtie and horn pince-nez.
ABLASS (raises his glass) To the constitutional reform! Mud in your eye!
ZULAUF (raises his glass) Skin off your nose!
ABLASS Listen, Zulauf, I’m not at all happy with this word “reorientation.”
ZULAUF No?
ABLASS I’d propose “repackaging.”
ZULAUF Marvellous! Mud in your eye!
ABLASS Skin off your nose!
ZULAUF Tell me, Ablass, did you read the Roter Tag today?
ABLASS Yes.
ZULAUF And tell me, Ablass, did you read the Berliner Tageblatt today? Look, there’s a report from the Press Bureau — (produces the paper.)
ABLASS No.
ZULAUF But it’s a real corker. Listen: Brussels, 23 July (Wolff Bureau). In accordance with age-old custom, one also followed in the history of Flanders by princes and their representatives, the governor-general seized the opportunity offered by the national day of remembrance of the Flemish people on the 11th of July to imprint it on the memory of present and future generations through a special act of grace: he acceded to the request of 3,000 Flemings assembled in Antwerp for the Festival of the Golden Spurs.
ABLASS Great news!
ZULAUF Given that the commemoration of the Flemish struggle for freedom in 1302 was occurring for the first time since he assumed office, the governor-general wanted to imbue it this year with particular significance through measures for the implementation of the rights of the Flemish people.
ABLASS Great!
ZULAUF Accordingly, the governor-general commuted the death penalty imposed on five Flemings by the Antwerp government’s court-martial into hard labour for life. — Now what do you say about that!
ABLASS Fantastic!
ZULAUF Isn’t it! Now that’s the wind of change. Three thousand Flemings reprieved at the request of five!
ABLASS What? Nonsense!
ZULAUF No it’s not — oh, well — yes — anyway, it’s all the same. At any rate, a reprieve is a reprieve. At least they got life imprisonment. So, the rights of the people are certainly being rigorously applied.
ABLASS No doubt about it, they’ll be imprinted on the memory of present and future generations.
ZULAUF A fine act. And it’ll remind them it’s the first day commemorating the struggle for Flemish freedom under German domination!
ABLASS Tremendous!
ZULAUF Isn’t it! Hey — Mud in your eye! To German freedom!
ABLASS As you say. German freedom! Skin off your nose!
ZULAUF (after a pause) So, tomorrow we’ve an appointment with Hindenburg and Ludendorff.
ABLASS Tomorrow? Tomorrow we’re surely at Schneider-Duncker’s cabaret!
ZULAUF At Schneider-Duncker’s before lunch?
ABLASS No, in the evening. In the morning we’re with Hindenburg and Ludendorff.
ZULAUF That’s it. And we’ve been allotted 15 minutes each. We have to report for duty by 11 on the dot.
ABLASS Ordinary clothes?
ZULAUF No, evening dress!
(Change of scene.)
Scene 11
General meeting of the Social Democratic wartime election campaign for the mega-constituency of Teltow-Beskow-Storkow-Charlottenburg.
COMRADE SCHLIEFKE (TELTOW) —As Speaker of the general meeting of the Social Democratic wartime election campaign for the mega-constituency of Greater Berlin covering Teltow-Beskow-Storkow-Charlottenburg, let me therefore summarize: If Prussian Social Democrats accept the invitation of the Reichsminister of the Interior and if the Kaiser participates in this discussion, this does not run counter to Social Democratic principles. Comrade David also acted quite correctly when he accepted the Crown Prince’s invitation. Social Democracy is a revolutionary party (Cries of “Oho!”) — so when altered conditions require, it must also break with old traditions—
HECKLER By rubbing shoulders with the Kaiser?
SCHLIEFKE —I mean its own traditions! It must be revolutionary in its own ranks. For it is a thoroughly revolutionary party! (Cries of support.)
(Change of scene.)
Scene 12
Bad Gastein. Subscriber and Patriot in conversation.
SUBSCRIBER I’m convinced that the expansion of the alliance would—
PATRIOT I have no doubt that the reduction of hatred would then—
SUBSCRIBER I guess the intensification of the alliance would—
PATRIOT I’d say that this would lead to a cost inflation—
SUBSCRIBER Doubtless a cost reduction could—
PATRIOT It seems to me, on the other hand, that an inflation of hatred—
SUBSCRIBER —But I think a price expansion—
PATRIOT —I think that, in its wake, an intensification of hatred—
SUBSCRIBER I reckon an inflation of the alliance—
PATRIOT I’d say that, in its wake, an expansion of hatred—
SUBSCRIBER On the other hand, I’m convinced that by a reduction of the alliance—
PATRIOT —we could easily achieve a deflation of prices.
(Change of scene.)
Scene 13
Office in a command post.
GENERAL STAFF OFFICER (on the telephone) — hello — no — it’s me, Kobatsch — Peham is on leave — Now listen — of course, mass slaughter — thanks, I’m surviving — About those preposterous numbers of prisoners the Russians are claiming — look, all you have to write is: how can they know exactly, there’s no way you can count them! — What’s that? — Look, I know it’s hard to make people believe it. Look, all you have to say is: as long as the numbers claimed stayed within reason — say, 10,000 a day — fair enough, that’s acceptable, but now it’s suddenly got to over a 100,000, that’s no go! — What’s that? — Look, all you have to say is: one really can’t count that many etc., it’s simply too many! — What’s that? — We always count the prisoners? Yes we do, we do — but the enemy? That’s a different kettle of fish! — What’s that? — What’ll they say? The enemy can’t count fast enough when they stream across to him, but it’s easier for us to count our losses—? Now hang on, take it easy, we did count, and after careful calculation we came up with a much smaller figure, got it? The main thing is, you keep repeating: the number of prisoners they claim is preposterous — you must keep saying that, that’s the main thing. Go on, you’ll manage it — once it says “official”, that’s half the truth already, and the other half you just make up and add on, clever chap like you. So long, then — end of story!
(Change of scene.)
Scene 14
Battlefield near Saarburg.
CAPTAIN NIEDERMACHER Our boys keep holding back. Every man jack of them knows by now that when General Ruhmleben was describing the current situation, he categorically ordered prisoners of war, whether wounded or not, to be finished off with rifle butts or revolvers, and to shoot the wounded in the field, just as the lying propaganda of the enemy claim we do.
MAJOR METZLER Ruhmleben is faithfully following the instruction of our Supreme Commander: Give no quarter, take no prisoners! His Majesty has also ordered the sinking of hospital ships, and we landlubbers must not lag behind!