WIFE Don’t get all worked up, I only want to watch! D’you think everyone’s turned up just to subscribe to the War Loan? All they want to do is watch!
HUSBAND You ain’t seen nothing yet — you’ll soon see it’s a hoax. Come out of the crush! You know what it’ll be — I’ll tell you, a film, that’s what it’ll be!
WIFE You always want to put a damper on things! Even if it is a film — you’ll still see Marischka giving a kiss.
HUSBAND And that’s a pleasure, even if it’s all a sham?!
A FAT BLACK-MARKETEER (arm in arm with a girl, warbling) “Kissing is no sin — a pretty maid—”
GIRL Give over, that’s one of Girardi’s, I never could stand him!
BLACK-MARKETEER COMPANION I never could stand him! Give me Thaller any day.
VOICE OF A SCEPTIC You think Treumann’s a dead duck, then—?
FRÄULEIN KÖRMENDY God, Marischka, I’m so excited!
FRÄULEIN LÖWENSTAMM I’ll only subscribe to the War Loan if Storm is giving a kiss!
FRÄULEIN KÖRMENDY God, there’s—
FRÄULEIN LÖWENSTAMM —Nästelberger!
MAN ABOUT TOWN (to snooty lady) Morning, my dear lady — without your esteemed spouse—? Aha, I’ve a special reserved seat for your ladyship — just wait a moment!—
(People start to mutter.)
CRIES It’s only a film! — A hoax! — Where’s Marischka? — Long live Marischka! — But it’s a Sascha film! — A hoax — They’ve had us on!
NEWSPAPER VENDOR Midday Journal! Preparations on the Piave!
SPEAKER Ladies and gentlemen, let us be patient and you will see—
VOICE IN THE CROWD If it’s only a Sascha film, they should have said so right away! There are many ladies here who have made a sacrifice for the War Loan, and they’re waiting!
CRIES Boo! — Wotta scandal! — Where’s Marischka!
SECOND VOICE IN THE CROWD They say Marischka cried off!
A GROUP They’re having us on! — We’ve been standing here a good hour—! We’re exhausted! — Our wives—!
ANOTHER GROUP Bravo! Quite right! — Where’s the committee? — Boo!
SOMEONE (arrives panting) Know what they’re saying — Marischka’s cried off!
ANOTHER GROUP Of course — I thought as much from the start — he won’t be doing the kissing himself!
ELDERLY GENTLEMAN (humming to himself) “Call me — your teddy — your teddy bear—”
YOUNG MAN IN BELTED COAT AND WHITE SPATS (warbles while performing dancelike movements) “Star-gazer — stargazer — beware and take care—”
HIS FRIEND Look at you, it’s really true, you’re getting more and more like him.
STEFFI Marischka, the spitting image! Come and let me kiss you!
YOUNG MAN I’m quite capable of standing in for him.
STEFFI Some cheek!
YOUNG MAN Think I’d swap with Marischka—? (Melody as above) “I’ve sold off—18—truckloads” (Laughter.)
(Growing unrest in the crowd.)
CRIES What’s going on? — Committee! — Why were we lured here? — Boo!
AGITATOR It could only happen in Vienna! They think time’s no object!
REPRESENTATIVE OF THE FILM COMPANY (appears) Ladies and gentlemen, may I most respectfully ask you to calm down! You haven’t been deceived! This is a publicity film for the War Loan, commissioned by the Austro-Hungarian War Press Bureau. The announcement, of which the Sascha Film Company had absolutely no prior knowledge, was obviously motivated by some patriotic feeling. We ourselves wanted the filming to take place without any public participation whatsoever, but now that you have appeared—
CRIES Bravo! — We’ve been had! — Long live Marischka! — Where’s Marischka? — We want to see Marischka!!
(Amidst fervent cries of “Hooray!” and “Boo!” the public presses forward and storms the terrace, numerous chairs and tables are upset, the terrace balustrade is destroyed, and considerable damage is wrought on the other fittings.)
RESTAURANT PROPRIETOR (wrings his hands despairingly, but plucks up courage and calls out to the film producer) You, there — you’ll pay for this — I hope!
CROWD Marischka! Marischka! Marischka!
REPRESENTATIVE OF FILM COMPANY (greatly agitated) In the circumstances — the filming is cancelled!
CRIES What a nerve! — Think they can get away with anything! — Boo!! — Where’s the police? — Scandalous, in the middle of a war! — Everything’s falling apart!
(Groups form and heatedly discuss what has happened.)
WIFE So he’s not coming! The War Loan can go—
HUSBAND Good God—!
WIFE At least cancel the subscription to Die Zeit!
HUSBAND Calm down. So, you see — what did I tell you?!
WIFE Of course—! Now you’re happy—! Just like you—! Get out of my sight, I can’t stand the sight of you anymore! Putting a damper on everything!—
HUSBAND (warbling) “Honey, honey, don’t be so hard—”
(The crowd disperses.)
FAT BLACK-MARKETEER Let’s buzz off — nothing doing!
NEWSPAPER VENDOR Midday News! The Battle of the Piave! Austrians storm into attack!
(Change of scene.)
Scene 44
Grumbler and Optimist in conversation.
OPTIMIST So what is heroic glory, then?
GRUMBLER This theatre review will tell you. I would like to hear it read out in your voice. If there is a theatre at the front, the theatre here is a front, too. Or vice versa. The switch from one to the other is terrifying.
OPTIMIST (reads, occasionally raising his voice)
Bürgertheater. This evening’s performance in the Bürgertheater was dedicated to the widows and orphans of the heroes of Uszieczko. The Reserve Squadron of the Austro-Hungarian Dragoon Regiment Kaiser Nr. 11 (Lieutenant-colonel Baron Rohn) organized a gala performance for widows and orphans of their comrades who fell at Uszieczko. No one can forget the glorious heroism of the Imperial Dragoons at the bridgehead on the Dniestr. They held the advance post against countless attacks, defied enemy forces many times greater, before their massed forces, after months of bitter fighting, were eventually able to take the bridgehead, which had been reduced to a ruin. The handful of surviving dragoons, led by their commander Colonel Planckh, nonetheless forced their way through the enemy lines to reach our troops. The Viennese public received these gallant survivors of Uszieczko today on the stage of the Bürgertheater and gave them a stirring ovation. The splendid idea to celebrate the heroes of Uszieczko was the basis of the scenic prologue composed for the occasion by that subtle writer, our own Irma v. Höfer. The scene she chose was where the bitter fighting had taken place, and the painter Ferdinand Moser magically re-created the landscape of the Dniestr for the stage. In front of the bridgehead, behind which the Dniestr winds away like a silver thread in the moonlit twilight, is the encampment of the Imperial Dragoons, and those dragoons who peopled the stage today were involved in the terrible fighting on the Dniestr only a short time ago. Most of them wore their well-deserved decorations.
Karl Skoda, a member of the Royal and Imperial Hofburgtheater, gave his interpretation of Irma v. Höfer’s rich and gripping prologue in the uniform of a dragoon officer. It tells of the glory of the Imperial Dragoons, the heroic deeds of the “Eleven”, their holding out against all attacks, it is filled with explosive enthusiasm and profound empathy. While he awaits the enemy attack at dawn, an Imperial dragoon thinks of his home, of mother, wife and children, he caresses and kisses the last postcard from his dear ones, before going out to confront the enemy. Irma v. Höfer’s prologue is a poetic and aesthetically pleasing depiction of the Imperial Dragoons’ final heroic action, and retraces in broad outline the history of the glorious regiment. After the glowing address of the officer, its rhetorical pulse and mounting emotional impact ravishingly rendered by Karl Skoda, the new regimental song was sung — a composition by Captain of Cavalry Zamorsky, a hero of Uszieczko, to a rousing text by the wife of Captain of Cavalry Perovic. Then figures portraying those who raised and led the famous regiment passed before us: Colonel Heissler, Prince Eugene, Radetzky, and, finally, our own Emperor. The regimental bugler sounded the Call to Prayer! The soldiers on the stage knelt and struck up the national anthem, joined by the public, among whom could be seen, besides the top military brass, also the leading figures in the civilian administration and the most distinguished members of high society. Tumultuous applause followed this prelude by Frau v. Höfer, who had brought recent events to the stage in such a palpably vivid form. Inevitably, there were many curtain calls, and the packed house cheered the heroes to the rafters, which they gratefully acknowledged, standing to attention and saluting. Frau v. Höfer received tumultuous ovations, and many expressed the wish that further performances might make the poetic work accessible to greater numbers. After the scenic prologue there followed a performance of Eysler’s The Lady Killer, with Fritz Werner and Betty Myrain in their most brilliant roles.