“There’s only me left. I might as well be called Pu.”
Liss shrugged happily. “And his story’s so sad! So he’s like a caveman or something in the Arctic, back when he’s a little boy. And his family died from some bug that killed everyone, because they didn’t have any hospitals or anything. But then he got rescued — well, kinda. Turns out there’s two lots of humans on his world. There’s his lot, the Pews, and the other lot, the Soos.”
“Just Pu and Soo.”
“Oh, right. Sorry! Anyway, they take him off and put him in a zoo, because the Pew are like an endangered species on his world or something. There’s some other Pews in there and they raise him, but they’re all really old. And, like, the Soos were swapping all the Pews around the world so they could get the girl Pews pregnant, but that didn’t work. All the Pews kept getting older and older, and I guess they weren’t very happy, because a lot of them killed themselves. Seriously, this is really horrible, the whole thing had been going on forever, the Soos had been treating the Pews, sorry the Pew, real bad for hundreds and hundreds of years, kinda like slaves, I guess…”
“Exactly like slaves.”
“And it winds up with just him and a girl Pew left, and they tried to get them to hook up but she was really young and, well, I guess Pew was a gentleman, so they didn’t do it.”
“Hang on, hang on,” said Olivia. “Are you telling me that you were the last man on earth and she was the last woman and you didn’t screw her because you were too bloody polite?”
Pew flushed. Liss looked back and forth between him and Olivia. “Uh… isn’t that what you said?”
“I didn’t say anything,” he mumbled.
“So what was it, then?” demanded Olivia.
Pew looked up at all the eyes questioning him. “I… she was old enough. But I couldn’t… I couldn’t. All right? I just… couldn’t.”
I expected Olivia to make a wounding remark, but instead she looked grudgingly sympathetic. “Yeh. Well. It happens.” Pew kept looking down.
“Embarrassing!” trilled Liss.
“Just get on with it,” muttered Pew.
“Uh, well, it was really sad as well ’cause she was in an accident on the way home and she died. So Pew was the last one left, and they sent him here ’cause, well, I guess they’d run out of things they knew how to do.
“So Pew went to college and studied math (because he’s really, really clever!) and he thought he was better but it all caught up with him and he cut his wrists, only you can’t do that kind of thing here ‘cause they’re really good at stopping you. They put him in the hospital for a while and then they said Hey! Why not come and be with all these other guys who’ve been through what you’ve been through? Which I guess is kinda what we are, ‘cept for me.
“That’s it. That’s all he said. I guess it’s his turn now, huh?”
8. Katie
Observer Report
Regarding Mission LSHV-987277-002
Ebugh-kiriagh-Alier 9182
Scientific Attaché, Embassy of the Siciline Autonomous Republic
Placed with IU Exploration Service
It is hoped this report finds the reader well, and recovered from any shock and sadness accompanying the tragic loss of the scout ship Valence. Furthermore, I regret that I was unable to complete my task as diplomatic observer on mission LSHV-987277-002, but trust my observations will assist with the analysis of the mission.
I was placed with the IU Exploration Service to promote understanding between my species and those who have difficulties with machine intelligence, following the recent demonstrations against AI. Consequently, I was downloaded into a type A8 android body, easily identifiable as a machine and deliberately limited in capability, save in one regard. Given the inherent risks of interversal exploration, I selected the most extensive backup options to ensure I would retain a copy of my consciousness in all but the most extreme of calamities.
I accompanied the crew of the exploration ship IUS Chemistry on their mission to investigate anomalies found by an automated probe in the target universe. There was no visual evidence of an Earth or Moon, but the probe had remained in a stable L2 position despite this, and detected equivalent-mass gravity wells in the positions of both bodies. It was speculated that both objects had been transformed into singularities. We were able to confirm this hypothesis through more direct observations, including gravitational lensing at points corresponding to the cores of both bodies.
We also found artificial debris throughout the volume of the L1 point. Observations confirmed debris fields of similar composition at L4 and L5. In addition, we noted an asteroid with a mean diameter of 5.23km and mass of 4.56 million gigatons in orbit around the Earth singularity, which was another oddity as the asteroid was too massive to be captured by the Earth’s gravity. Commander LuGararda decided to remain at the L1 point while sending the Valence to investigate the asteroid. I have no doubt this was the correct decision. Both ships were more than adequately stealthed, and we had detected no immediate evidence of surviving intelligent life in the volume.
The L1 debris derived from multiple vessels, and materials analysis suggested a conflict that had ceased approximately ten years earlier. This conclusion was strengthened by the discovery of 1,954 human corpses, all cybernetically enhanced. The Valence signalled the discovery of another body during their journey to the asteroid, but this one seemed to be alive. She was completely exposed to space in an elliptical orbit around L1, but nevertheless displayed a core temperature several degrees higher than expected for a corpse. The Valence was unable to reach the survivor without abandoning her primary mission, so the Commander sent our second scout ship, the Phase, to intercept.
When brought aboard, KT-00932/IN was completely comatose. Like many of the corpses, she benefitted from a high degree of cybernetic enhancement, including a whole limb replacement. The Commander ordered her placed in a makeshift hypobaric chamber and the medical staff raised air pressure at a rate they hoped she could withstand. She quickly regained consciousness, and immediately proved to be extremely dangerous. Two of the medical staff were seriously injured as she escaped. It was only her damaged state that made it possible to subdue her before she could reach the control room.
The Commander was forced to restrain KT-00932/IN by chaining her to a bulkhead. She was unresponsive during the first attempts at communication. We soon found she was attempting to make contact with outside forces using radio transmission, but had no success since the chamber had been rigged with EM shielding. She did not respond when we attempted to reply in kind.
As the Valence began its survey of the asteroid, I suggested to the Commander that I make an attempt to communicate with her. I hoped that, as a cyborg, she might feel differently about speaking to a fully artificial being. The Commander assented, and KT-00932/IN did indeed respond when I spoke to her. At first we had no common language, but over the next few hours we were able to establish an understanding based on memetic phoneme exchange. Her rate of learning was far beyond the human average, suggesting cybernetic enhancements to mental function as well as the more obvious physical modifications.
Once it was possible to communicate, though in a very simple way, I reiterated the Commander’s offer of assistance, which she ignored. Instead, she demanded proof that I was fully artificial. I exposed a number of my internal workings to demonstrate this. She then questioned me about the IU, interversal travel, and our mission, and although she claimed interversal travel had long been demonstrated to be impossible, she seemed to cautiously accept my explanation of who and what we were.