Thank you for your note. I am most interested to hear what you have to say and should like to come to the Abbas at three o'clock this afternoon.
Kerensa.
As Haggety took the note and went out, I wondered if he, Mrs. Rolt, and the Salts were discussing me and Kim; I wondered whether they were laughing together, telling themselves that there would soon be a new mistress at the Abbas—the old mistress.
I went to my room and studied my reflection. I did not look like a woman who had recently heard that her husband had been murdered. My eyes were brilliant; there was the faintest color in my cheeks—rare with me, but how becoming as it went well with the shine in my eyes. It was now only eleven o'clock. In a short time Mellyora and Carlyon would come in from their walk. They must not guess how excited I was, so I should have to be careful during luncheon.
I decided what I would wear. A pity I was in mourning. One should not be in mourning when one received a proposal of marriage. Yet I should have to make a pretense of mourning for one year; the marriage could not take place before that was out. A year since Johnny's death or discovery?
What would be expected of me. Was I supposed to endure a year of widowhood? I would count from the night Johnny had disappeared.
What a gay widow I should be. But I must hide my happiness, as I had managed to do successfully so far. No one had guessed how joyful I was when they had found Johnny's body.
A touch of white on my black dress? What about the lavender silk? It was half mourning; and if I covered it with a black coat and wore my black bonnet with the flowing widow's weeds, I could remove cloak and bonnet while I took tea—for surely I should take tea. We would make our plans over the tea table. I would pour the tea as though I were already the mistress of the house.
The lavender, I decided. No one would see it. I would go across the meadow from the Dower House to the Abbas, past the Virgins and the old mine. Now that the mine was proved to be useless we would have all sign of it removed, I decided. It would be dangerous for our children.
At luncheon both Carlyon and Mellyora noticed the change in me.
"I have never seen you look so well," Mellyora told me.
"You look as though you've been given something you wanted for a long time," added Carlyon. "Have you. Mamma?"
"I haven't received any presents this morning if that's what you mean."
"I thought perhaps you had," he told me. "And I wondered what."
"You're settling in," added Mellyora. "You're coming to terms with life."
"What terms?" asked Carlyon.
"It means that she likes things as they are."
When I come back, they will know, I thought.
As soon as luncheon was over I put on the lavender silk and dressed my hair very carefully, using the Spanish comb. That added to my height and made me look regal—a worthy chatelaine of the Abbas. I wanted him to be proud of me. I couldn't wear the bonnet because of the comb, so I put on my cloak which adequately covered my gown and was ready. I was early. I must wait, so I sat by the window and looked out to where I could just see the tower of the Abbas through the trees and I knew that it was where I wanted to be more than anywhere else in the world—there with Kim and the future.
Granny was right; I had learned my lesson. To be in love was the very meaning of existence. And I was in love—not with a house this time, but with a man. If Kim had said he wanted to wander round the world, if he had said that he wanted me to return with him to Australia, I should have done so ... willingly. I should have felt a nostalgia for the Abbas all through my life, but I should not have wanted to return to it without my family.
But there was no need to think of that. Life was offering me perfection in Kim and the Abbas.
At last I could leave. It was a mild afternoon and an autumnal sun made the feathery branches of the firs glisten. Being in love heightened the senses, every one. Never had the earth seemed to offer so much—the rich scent of pines, grass and damp soil; the warmth of the sun was caressing, so was the faint southwest breeze which seemed to carry exotic smells from over the sea. I was in love with life that afternoon as I never had been before.
I must not be too early; so I went into the meadow to stand within that ring of stones which had somehow made themselves a symbol in my life. They had loved life too but they were the unwise virgins. They were like butterflies awakened to the sun; they had danced too madly in its rays and had dropped to death. Turned into stone. Poor sad creatures. But it was the absent one—the seventh—who always took first place in my thoughts when I stood here.
Then I thought of myself standing in the wall and all of us being gathered there. It was like the start of a drama ... all the main characters gathered together. Some of the actors had found tragedy, others happiness ever after. Poor Johnny who had met a violent death; Justin who had chosen to shut himself away; Mellyora who had been buffeted by fate because she had not been strong enough to fight for what she wanted; and Kerensa and Kim, who would give the story its happy ending.
I prayed then that my marriage would be fruitful. I had my beloved son and I would have others—Kim's and mine. For Carlyon there would be the title and the Abbas, for he was a St. Larnston and the Abbas had been the property of the St. Larnstons as long as anyone could remember; but I would plan brilliant futures for the sons and daughters Kim and I would have.
I went across the lawns to the Abbas.
I stood in the great portico and rang the bell. Haggety appeared.
"Good afternoon, Ma'am. Mr. Kimber is waiting for you in the library."
Kim came towards me as I entered. I could sense his excitement. He took my cloak and he showed no surprise to see that I had discarded my mourning. He was looking at my face, not at my gown.
"Shall we talk first and have tea after?" he asked. "There'll be a good deal to discuss."
"Yes, Kim," I answered eagerly. "Let's talk now."
He slipped his arm through mine and led me to the window where we stood side by side looking out across the lawns. I could see the ring of stones in the meadow, and I thought this was the perfect setting for his proposal.
"I've been thinking a great deal about this, Kerensa," he said, "and if I've spoken too soon after your tragedy ... you must forgive me."
"Please Kim," I told him earnestly, "I am ready to hear what you have to say."
He still hesitated; then he went on: "I knew a great deal about this place in the past. You know I used to spend most of my school holidays here. Justin was my greatest friend and I think the family took pity on a lonely boy. I often went round the estate with Justin's father. He used to say that he wished his own sons had my interest in the place."
I nodded. Neither Justin nor Johnny had given the Abbas the care it deserved. Justin would never have retreated as he did if he had really loved the place. As for Johnny, to him it merely meant the provision of funds with which to gamble.
"I used to wish that it could be mine. Tm telling you all this because I want you to know that I am very much aware of the state into which it has fallen. A big estate like this soon begins to suffer without the proper attention. It hasn't had that care for a long time. It needs capital and hard work ... I could give it what it needs. I have the capital but most of all I have love for it. Do you understand me, Kerensa?"
"Completely. I have been aware of all this. The Abbas needs a man ... a strong man ... who understands it and loves it and is ready to devote time to it."
"I'm that man. I can save the Abbas. If something isn't done, it will fall into decay. Did you know that the walls need attention, that there is dry rot in one wing, that the woodwork needs replenishing in a score of places? Kerensa, I want to buy the Abbas. I know this is a matter for the lawyers. I don't quite know yet what Justin's position is, but I wanted to talk with you first to know how you feel about it, because I know you love the house. I know you would be very sad to see it become derelict. I want your permission to start negotiations. How do you feel, Kerensa?"