As he released me, I moved towards the door but there was no escape. I heard his laughter filling the cottage and I saw his hands—his strong capable hands; I felt them about my throat ... pressing out the life.
The cold night air revived me. I felt sick and ill and there was a pain in my throat. My limbs were cramped and I was fighting for my breath.
Enveloped in darkness as I was, I became aware of jolting uncomfortably; I tried to cry out but no sound came. I knew I was being carried somewhere, for every now and then a pain would jerk through my body. I tried to move my arms but I could not and the sudden understanding came to me that they were tied behind my back.
Memory returned. The sound of Reuben's laughter; the sight of his half-crazed face near my own; the gloom of the cottage which had for so long been my home and my refuge; the horror that had turned it into a sinister place.
I was being taken somewhere and Reuben was taking me. I was trussed up and helpless like an animal being taken to the slaughterhouse.
Where am I going? I asked myself.
But I knew.
I must shout for help. I must let Kim know that I was in the hands of a madman. I knew what he was going to do. In his crazy mind he had identified me with a vision—real or imaginary, who could say?—and to him I was the Seventh Virgin of St. Larnston.
This could not be so. I had imagined it. This could not happen to me.
I tried to call Kim, but there was only a strangled sound and I realized that my body was covered by a piece of rough substance, probably sacking.
We had come to a halt. The covering was removed and I was looking up at the stars. So it was night and I knew where I was, for now I could see the walled garden, and the wall ... as it had been on that day when we had all been there together, Mellyora, Johnny, Justin, Kim and me. And now I was here alone ... alone with a madman.
I heard his low laughter, that horrible laughter which would always be with me.
He had wheeled me close to the wall. What had happened to it? There was the hole as there had been on that other occasion; there was the hollow.
He had dragged me out of the wheelbarrow in which he had brought me from the cottage; I could hear his heavy breathing as he forced me into the hollow.
"Reuben ... !" I breathed. "No ... for God's sake, Reuben... "
"I feared 'ee'd be dead," he said. "Twouldn't have been right. I be powerful glad you be alive still."
I tried to speak, to plead with him. I tried to call. My bruised throat felt constricted and although I exerted all my will I could not produce a sound.
I was there ... standing there as I had stood that day. He was but a dark shadow and as though from far off I heard him laugh. I saw the brick in his hand and I knew what he was going to do.
As I fainted I thought suddenly; All that I have done has brought me to this, just as all that she did brought her to this same spot. We had trod a similar path, but I had not known it. I had thought I could make life go as I wanted it ... but so perhaps had she.
Through a haze of pain and doubt I heard a voice, a well-loved voice. "Good God!" it said. And then: "Kerensa, Kerensa!" I was lifted in a pair of arms, tenderly, compassionately. "My poor, poor Kerensa... ."
It was Kim who had come for me. Kim who had saved; Kim who was carrying me in his arms from the darkness of death into the Abbas.
I was ill for several weeks. They kept me at the Abbas and Mellyora was there to look after me.
It had been a terrible ordeal, far worse than at first I realized; each night I would wake in a sweat dreaming I was standing within the hollowed wall while devils feverishly worked to build me in.
Mellyora came over to nurse me, and was with me night and day.
One night I woke and sobbed in her arms.
"Mellyora," I said, "I deserved to die for I have sinned."
"Hush," she soothed. "You must not think such things."
"But I have ... as deeply as she did. More so. She broke her vows. I broke mine. I broke the vows of friendship, Mellyora."
"You have had bad dreams."
"Bad dreams of a bad life."
"You have had a terrible experience. There is no need to be afraid."
"Sometimes I think Reuben is in the room, that I shout and no one hears."
"They have taken him away to Bodmin. He has been ill for a long time. Gradually getting worse..."
"Since Hetty went?"
"Yes."
"How was it Kim was there to save mer""
"Because he had seen that the wall had been tampered with. He spoke to Reuben about it and Reuben said it had collapsed again. He said that he'd have it put right the next day. But Kim couldn't understand why it should have collapsed when it had been rebuilt not so long ago ... oh you remember when ... we were children."
"I remember well," I told her. "We were all there together... ."
"We all remember," Mellyora answered. "Then you didn't come home and I went to Kim ... naturally."
"Yes," I said gently, "naturally you went to Kim."
"I knew you'd gone to the cottage, so we went there first. It was unlocked and the door was wide open. Kim was frightened then. He ran on ... because Reuben had said something strange to him about Hetty ... and the idea must have come to him... ."
"He guessed what Reuben was going to do"
"He guessed something strange was happening and we might find out at the wall. Thank God, Kerensa."
"And Kim," I murmured.
Then I began to think of all I owned to him. Joe's life probably and Joe's present happiness; my life; my future happiness.
Kim, I thought, soon we shall be together and everything that has gone before v^ be forgotten. There will only be the future for us—for me and for you, my Kim.
I woke in the night, sobbing. I had had a bad dream. I was standing on the stairs with Mellyora and she was holding out the toy elephant to me.
I was saying: "It was this which killed her. You are free now, Mellyora ... free."
I awoke and saw Mellyora standing beside me, her fair hair in two plaits; thick and glistening, they looked like golden ropes.
"Mellyora," I said.
"It's all right. It was nothing but a bad dream."
"These dreams ... is there no escape from them?"
"They will pass when you remember that they are only dreams."
"But they are part of the past, Mellyora. Oh you don't know. I have been wicked, I'm afraid."
"Now, Kerensa, stop saying such things."
"Confession is good for the soul, they say. Mellyora I want to confess."
"To me?"
"It is you whom I have wronged."
"I shall give a sedative and you must try to sleep."
"I will sleep better with a light conscience. I must tell you, Mellyora. I must tell you about the day Judith died. It was not as everyone believed. I know how she died."
"You have had bad dreams, Kerensa."
"Yes, that is why I must tell you. You will not forgive me ... not deep in your heart although you will say you will. I kept silent when I should have spoken. I spoilt your life, Mellyora."
"What are you saying? You must not excite yourself. Come take this and try to sleep."
"Listen to me. Judith tripped. Do you remember Nelly ... the elephant, Carlyon's toy elephant?"
She looked alarmed. Clearly she thought I was wandering.
"Do you?" I persisted.
"But of course. It's still about somewhere."
"Judith tripped over it. The scar ..."
Her brow was furrowed.
"The tear," I went on. "You mended it. Judith's heel made that. It was lying on the stairs and she tripped over it. I hid the elephant first because I didn't want Carlyon blamed and then ... afterwards because I thought that if it were proved to have been an accident Justin would never have gone away; he would have married you; you would have had a son who would have had everything—everything that I wanted for Carlyon."