Alice nodded slowly, a flushing fool. What was wrong with her?
It was all in her head.
She was making the man a monster.
The days stretched longer, each twilight richer in gold than the one before. The night Alice stayed for drinks at headquarters wasn’t mentioned again. Neither was the idea of them socialising with anyone else. When it was just the two of them, things were peaceful. And that was okay. Some people just weren’t social. Every morning that she woke wrapped in his arms, it was exactly where she wanted to be. They’d had their ups and downs, but relationships weren’t easy, she reasoned with herself. There had to be bumps every now and then as they figured each other out.
One particularly clear day, Alice was the first home from work. Earlier that morning she and Dylan had decided they’d go for a long walk together, maybe pack a couple of beers and sit on a dune awhile to watch the sun go down. She’d just taken off her work boots and laced up her sneakers when the phone rang.
‘I’m gunna be late, Pinta-Pinta,’ Dylan sighed. ‘A diesel bore is down. I’ll be as quick as I can, but I doubt I’ll make it for our walk today.’
‘No worries, darlin’,’ she said, hoping to hide the disappointment in her voice. She’d been looking forward to the fresh air after being in the office all day. ‘I’ll just hang here with Pip, and get something delish going for dinner.’
But, not long after they’d hung up, Pip started scratching at the screen door. Alice looked at her hopeful furry face. Outside, it was a stunning afternoon. The dunes would be nearly rose-red in the sunset light. Alice bit on the inside of her cheek. She hadn’t taken Pip for a walk alone together since she and Dylan started seeing each other. An image of the desert peas, blood-red at sunset, flashed through her mind’s eye. She’d said she’d wait here for him. But it was such a glorious afternoon. He surely wouldn’t want her sitting inside.
‘C’mon, Pip,’ she cooed. ‘Let’s have ourselves some girl time.’ Pip chased her tail in circles until Alice clipped on her lead and they headed out the door, over the dunes, towards the crater.
Alice came upon treasure after treasure: everlasting daisies in pastel pinks and yellows, trails of grey and white feathers, boughs heavy with blossom buds on the gum trees. She breathed in the warm earth and appreciated the sky, a blend of soldier-crab blue and every shade of purple in a pipi shell. The desert’s an old dream of the sea. Alice smiled at the memory of her first sunrise with Dylan. As she and Pip climbed the crater wall, retracing the path she’d walked so often when she’d first arrived, her chest filled with nostalgia. She’d been so new to the landscape, and so unsure of what she was doing there. But now she had a job she treasured and a man who loved her like she’d never known.
When they reached the top of the crater wall and Alice saw Kututu Kaana, Heart Garden, in achingly beautiful red bloom, she leant her head back and closed her eyes in contentment. She’d finally come home, into a life that was all hers.
Alice came over the rise in the road, mucking about with Pip and pondering ideas for dinner. She came to a halt: Dylan’s work ute was in his driveway. Nerves rippled through her core. She fumbled with the gate. Tried to even her breathing. She didn’t know how long she’d been gone. She hadn’t left him a note. It’ll be fine. It’ll be fine. She walked up to his front door. Don’t make monsters.
Inside, the house was dark and still.
‘Dylan?’ she called. ‘I’m home.’ She unclipped Pip from her lead, and kicked off her sneakers. ‘Dylan?’
Later, when she tried to remember what happened and how, everything seemed simultaneous: Pip’s agonised cries; Alice’s scream as she turned to see Dylan kicking her dog in the ribs; rings of white rage around his eyes as he lunged for her.
‘Where the fuck have you been?’ He grabbed her. ‘Who were you with? Who? Tell me.’
Black spots formed in her vision. Her throat burned as he shook her hard by the neck. Her spine clicked and popped.
‘Tell me.’
He shoved her so hard her feet left the ground. There was a loud crack as the bedroom door hinges gave way from the force of her impact. Alice fell to the floor.
She lay, heaving raggedly for breath. Her mind bobbed around outside herself, as if she was a spectator, not really there in the scene. She stared at a cluster of dust balls gathered against the skirting board. They fascinated her. They were right underfoot, right in front of her and she’d never seen them before. How had she never seen them before?
A nearby whimpering made Alice look under the bed. Pip’s tail poked out of the shadows.
‘Here, girl,’ Alice croaked. Her throat was raw. Blinding pains shot across her back. She had to cajole Pip a few times before she’d come out. Alice scooped her dog into her arms, scooting back against the wall. Rocking Pip to and fro, Alice stroked her ears and flanks, gently pressing her ribs for any reaction. Though she was shaking, Pip didn’t seem to be in any great pain. As she stroked her, Pip licked Alice’s chin.
She closed her eyes, trying to focus only on breathing. Her skin ached in all the tender places where she felt bruises forming.
Time passed. Around her, the house was quiet. The hum of the fridge. The tick of the roof cooling from the heat of the day.
Out in the lounge room, she heard something. Held her breath to hear better.
It was him, crying.
Alice sighed with relief. Tears meant it was over.
She stood shakily to her feet. Pip scurried back under the bed.
Dylan sat on the sofa, his head in his hands. At the sound of her, he looked up. His face was blanched and tear-stained.
‘Pinta-Pinta,’ he said, his voice breaking. ‘I’m — I’m — I’m just so sorry.’ He hung his head. ‘Is Pip okay? I–I–I don’t know what came over me.’ He tried to catch his breath. ‘I was just so worried when I came home and you weren’t here.’
‘I just went for a walk with my dog.’ A memory of Toby came clearly to her; the sound of his body hitting the washing machine.
‘You don’t know,’ he cried out. ‘You don’t get it. There are a dozen blokes here who are better than me. You don’t see how they look at you. But I do. I do, Pinta-Pinta. And what if you’re out walking without me and one of them sees you on the path, and you start talking after work the way we used to do?’ He sniffled. ‘What if that happened?’
Alice’s head spun in confusion. Did he not understand how much she loved him?
‘What if you start talking with one of them and they fall in love with you?’ Dylan went on.
‘It wouldn’t ever matter, Dylan,’ Alice implored him. ‘Can’t you see that? I don’t have any room to feel a thing for anyone else.’
He clawed at his face. ‘I’ve only ever wanted to impress you,’ he cried. ‘And look what loving you does to me. I just don’t want to lose you. I freak out when we’re apart. I just always want to be with you and I lose my shit when I’m not. You’re the love of my life, Alice. The love of,’ his voice cracked, ‘my fucking life.’
Alice began to cry.
‘I would never hit you, you know that, right?’ Tears rolled down his nose. ‘I would never hit you, Pinta-Pinta.’
It was true, she reasoned. He hadn’t hit her. His fear had just got way out of control.
‘I love you,’ she emphasised, her voice wavering.
He pulled her close. ‘I just need you to help me out by not doing things like this afternoon and setting me off like that. Can you do that for me? For us?’
She searched his face, the plea in his eyes. Nodded.