‘It’ll never happen again. Never again.’ He leaned in close. Kissed her shakily. ‘Never, ever again.’
Her lips burned where they met his.
Later that night, after hours of tearful apologies and talking, after checking Pip over again, and sweeping the floor clean of splinters, Alice let Dylan lead her into the bathroom. He turned on the hot water in the bath. Tenderly undressed her. She sat in the warm water as he washed her skin with slow, gentle strokes. Murmured his love and apologies over her body like prayers. After a while he shed his clothes and got in with her. Alice relaxed in his arms, almost renewed, almost able to forget that he had caused the very harm he was trying to heal.
The next morning Dylan left a cup of hot coffee and a scrawled note on her bedside table. He had to start early, didn’t want to wake her, felt horrible after last night, but loved her more deeply than ever.
Alice winced as she sat up. Everything was sore. She hobbled through the house to the toilet to pee, stopped by her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Her neck was covered in bruises the shape and size of his fingers and hands. She turned her face away, went to the toilet and got into the shower. She didn’t look in the mirror again.
When she was ready for work, Alice called Pip to put her outside. She didn’t come. Alice kept calling, searching, growing more and more panicked until she found her hiding in the bushes. Alice checked Pip over. There was nothing wrong that she could see. She made sure Pip had food and water before rushing to headquarters so she wouldn’t be late.
‘Bit warm for a scarf, isn’t it?’ Thugger teased as he passed Alice in the tearoom. She forced a smile and readjusted the scarf around her neck.
Once she was at her desk, Alice did a quick Google search, opened her emails and didn’t let herself think twice as she started typing.
Hi Moss,
Sorry I haven’t been in touch sooner. I’ve been living and working as a park ranger at Kililpitjara since I left the Bluff. It’s great here. I’m doing great. Trust you are too.
I’m hoping you can help me: Pip got kicked by a brumby yesterday, and though I’ve checked her over thoroughly and she doesn’t appear to be in any pain, I’m still worried. She seems lethargic and I’m wondering if she’s in shock. Is there anything you’d recommend I give her, like an anti-inflammatory? Would be so grateful for any advice.
Alice read it over once and clicked Send before she lost her nerve.
A few weeks later, Alice and Dylan drove to work separately. Sarah had asked him to check a few fences on his way in.
‘Go ahead, I’ll see you for lunch,’ he said, as they got into their utes.
‘It’s a date.’ She kissed him goodbye.
Alice watched him go. They’d come full circle again; she’d been particularly careful to be mindful of her behaviour, to help him as he’d asked, and they’d been peaceful. Happy.
Moss had replied the same day to her email, mentioning an anti-inflammatory he’d prescribe, insisting Alice bring Pip to Agnes Bluff for a checkup. Alice had deleted his email immediately and searched online for the medication without success. The next day an express post satchel arrived in the mail, full of antibiotics and anti-inflammatories. She’d snuck Pip the medication, and watched with great relief when she returned to her normal, happy self.
Alice was keeping it all together. Her seams of gold were holding.
When she pulled in to headquarters, her workmates were gathered in the car park. The air was charged with adrenalin.
‘What’s going on?’ Alice asked Aiden as she swung out of her work ute.
‘It’s fire time.’ He nodded towards Sarah who’d just come out of her office with a stack of papers in her hands.
‘Wai. Palya, everyone,’ Sarah called out. ‘Palya.’ The group settled. ‘Righto. Let’s get sorted. Today’s weather conditions are perfect for cool burns, so our focus is paddocks around the southern rim. Let’s break into groups — group leaders must be experienced burners — so Nicko, Aiden and Thugger, divide everyone up as evenly as you can. Suited in full fire gear, please. Each group takes one of the water tankers plus whatever other vehicles we have spare. Safety first, guys. Watch your drip torches, don’t get trigger-happy. Pay attention to what the wind is doing. Most importantly, follow your group leader’s instructions. Maps are here, take one. I want a fully charged radio on every person in the field.’ Sarah handed out maps and turned to go back into her office.
As the groups came together, Alice stood on her tiptoes looking for Dylan. It’s fire time. She battled a flurry of childhood memories. People all over the world use fire, her mother said that winter day in her garden. A spell of sorts to transform one thing into another. Alice’s palms were sweaty. She continued to scan the group, looking for his face. He wasn’t there. Dylan wasn’t there.
‘Uh, Sarah?’ Alice called after her.
She turned. ‘Alice?’
‘Sorry. I, um, I’m just wondering if Dylan’s doing fire work today?’ She cringed at how childlike her voice sounded.
‘No, mate,’ Sarah said slowly. ‘I need staff on the ground, and Dylan’s already been out on plenty of burns.’ She searched Alice’s face. ‘I can’t have anyone out there today who doesn’t have their head in the game. I picked you because you’re a hard worker and show a deep interest in skill development. But if you’re distracted …’
‘No,’ Alice interjected. ‘No, no. I’m good. I’m good to go.’
‘You sure?’
‘I’m sure.’
Sarah nodded. ‘Aiden,’ she called across to where Aiden was standing by the uniform shed. ‘Alice is with you today.’
‘Palya,’ Aiden called back.
‘Follow Aiden’s directions.’ Sarah turned to walk away. ‘And enjoy your first burn,’ she called over her shoulder.
Alice hurried to the shed. This was fine. It was going to be fine. Sarah had chosen her to learn and diversify her skills. It was perfectly logical and understandable. Alice wasn’t intentionally excluding Dylan. And he would surely understand that Sarah had given her a job she hadn’t expected, so if she didn’t meet him for lunch, he’d be okay with that.
But on the drive towards the southern paddocks, Alice tried to imagine cracking a beer at the end of the day and telling Dylan about the thrill of being picked for fire work. As the desert landscape rushed by in purple streaks where the parakeelya was in bloom, memories of her father awakened an old and frighteningly familiar sense of fear in Alice’s body.
They parked at the southeastern rim of the crater.
‘We work in a line, together,’ Aiden said to the rangers as they readied their drip torches. ‘Important reminder, whether this is your first or fiftieth burn: do not start fires in front of you. Do not go into the fire. Start fires behind you. Go away from the fire. Palya?’
Alice nodded. Her hands were sweaty inside her fire gloves. She gripped her drip torch tightly, but its weight made her arm shake. The sound of the fuel sloshing about inside made her queasy.
‘Radios?’ Aiden asked. The group checked their radios. ‘Right. Let’s light ’em up.’
One by one the wicks of the drip torches were lit. Alice flinched as hers ignited. It hissed like a living thing. Her hand shook.
‘Make sure your breather valves are open,’ Aiden called. He turned to Alice. ‘Drop the flames to the ground behind you, like this,’ he said, lowering his drip torch to a spinifex tussock, setting it alight and walking away. He burned and walked, burned and walked. ‘Walk away from it.’