‘He’s gone,’ Lulu said, burying her hands deep in her pockets. ‘Said he’d been to see Sarah at headquarters and had urgent work things to take care of. Said he needed to leave suddenly.’
Alice searched her face, trying to comprehend. ‘W-when?’
‘I saw him yesterday at the servo when he was filling up. Did he not tell you?’
Alice couldn’t suppress a wail of pain. What urgent work things? Had he talked to Sarah about what happened in the workshop? Was he hurt? Sick? Was he okay? Lulu grabbed Alice just before her knees gave way.
‘What have I done?’ Alice sobbed, clinging to Lulu’s frame, not realising her bruises were visible.
‘Qué chingados,’ Lulu said under her breath, seeing Alice’s arms. ‘What the fuck, Alice? Has he been hurting you? Has Dylan been hurting you?’
Alice slumped in her embrace.
‘Right,’ Lulu said, her voice caring but firm. ‘Inside, to my place. Let’s go.’
27. Bat’s wing coral tree
Meaning: Cure for heartache
Erythrina vespertilio | Central and northeast Australia
Ininti (Pit.) wood is widely used for making spear throwers and bowls. Bark, fruit and stems are used for traditional medicine. Has bat’s-wing-shaped leaves, and coral-coloured flowers in spring/summer. Attractive, glossy bean-shaped seeds vary in colour from deep yellow to blood red, and are used for decoration and jewellery.
Alice walked numbly into Lulu’s house, and sat at her table, staring down at her hands. Tears poured down her face. Lulu went into the kitchen, returning with two small glasses of what looked like sparkling water on ice, topped with lemon and lime.
‘It’ll help you calm down.’ She nodded, taking a sip. Alice did the same and coughed roughly on the strong gin and tonic. ‘My abuela’s remedy for fever, and heart ailments,’ Lulu said.
The ice cubes fizzed and cracked.
‘So … How long has it been going on?’
Alice took a longer drink, spluttering as grief closed her throat over.
‘What did I do wrong?’ She cried so hard that she retched.
‘Oh, chica.’ Lulu rushed into the kitchen. ‘You didn’t do anything wrong,’ she said, returning to set a glass of water in front of Alice. She sat and reached across the table.
‘Why are you being so kind to me again?’ Alice asked, clutching Lulu’s hands. ‘I thought you hated me.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ Lulu said, her voice heavy with remorse. ‘I knew you liked each other the minute I saw you two meet. I tried to warn you against him, but I didn’t tell you the full story. Once it was clear you were together, I was too scared, too ashamed to tell you the truth of what happened with me.’ Lulu paused and looked away, her eyes unfocused. ‘I never told anyone. Aiden doesn’t even know the full extent of it. Dylan fucked with my head so much. I talked it down, convinced myself it’d hardly happened. I thought it was just me, like there was something about me that didn’t click well with him. That I was the reason he was so angry, so violent. It was my fault. I thought he might be different with you. If I’d had any idea that he was capable of …’ Lulu glanced at Alice’s arms and let the sentence go.
As they held each other’s hands, Alice’s eyes fell on the strands of leather Dylan had taken from his wrists to bind around hers. She clawed and bit at them, trying to get them off.
‘Chica,’ Lulu exclaimed. ‘Stop.’ She reached for scissors from a jar on the counter. Slid the cold metal blade under the leather strands to cut each of Alice’s wrists free. Alice rubbed her skin.
‘Do you know what Dylan went to talk to Sarah about before he left?’ she asked.
Lulu shook her head. ‘I guess we’ll find out at work tomorrow, though.’ She gestured meaningfully at Alice’s locket. ‘Courage, right? I’ll be there with you.’
The next morning Alice went to park headquarters with Lulu. She slid her eyes towards Dylan’s house as they drove by. His gates were locked, his driveway empty. Her mind travelled through the front door. Her toothbrush was inside, on the bathroom bench next to his. Her summer dresses hung in his wardrobe. Their messy bed by the window, bathed in light. His sleepy face in the mornings. The way he cradled her head in his hands when they made love. Her veggie garden. His fire pit. The broken bedroom door. The dust balls. As they drove away, Alice’s heart lingered, tangled in yearning, need and fear.
When they arrived at headquarters Alice shook her head.
‘I can’t do this,’ she whispered.
For a moment neither of them spoke.
‘Yes, you can,’ Lulu whispered back.
Alice and Lulu walked in to find Sarah waiting at Alice’s desk. ‘Alice,’ she said, her face expressionless. ‘A word in my office?’
Alice nodded. As she followed Sarah, she shot Lulu a look.
‘I’ll be right here,’ Lulu mouthed.
Sarah gestured to the seat in front of her desk.
Alice sat, remembering the day she’d arrived, sitting in exactly the same seat, signing her employment contract, filled with hope and excitement.
‘I won’t pussyfoot around. There’s been an incident report lodged by one of the staff.’ Sarah reached for a manila folder and opened it. ‘Dylan Rivers has reported that an incident occurred in the workshop office after the burn last Thursday. Allegedly you demonstrated physically violent behaviour towards him.’ Sarah read over the papers. ‘While he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to take this further, he did send the incident report to me, and copied in human resources at head office.’ She dropped the papers and leant back in her chair, pinching the bridge of her nose. ‘I’m sorry, Alice, my hands are bound. I have to take full disciplinary action, which technically means suspension of duties, starting immediately.’
Alice shook from the effort to hold herself steady.
‘I’ll ask one of the other rangers to work your shifts,’ Sarah said. ‘I’m expecting to hear back from HR today about how long your suspension will be. They’re going to send one of their staff down next week, when you’ll have the opportunity to give your version of events.’
Alice said nothing.
‘In the meantime you are not to have any contact with Dylan while the report is being processed. That should be pretty easy for you now because, as you’re probably aware, he’s taken leave.’
Alice closed her eyes.
‘Do you have any questions?’
She shook her head.
‘Hey,’ Sarah said more gently.
Alice opened her eyes.
‘Is there anything else I should know, Alice? Anything you want to share with me, in confidence?’
Alice held Sarah’s eye contact for a moment, before pushing her chair back, standing and wordlessly leaving her office.
Outside Lulu was waiting in the ute, the engine running.
‘Don’t stay home, chica,’ Lulu said when they pulled up at her house. ‘Get into your civvies and come with me on the ranger walk. It might do you good, you know, to walk it out. You’ll just stew in there.’
Alice looked at her house without really seeing it. He’d submitted a report against her. He’d knowingly, intentionally taken her voice. Like the girl in the fairytale who wanders into a dark wood.
She wiped her cheeks and opened the passenger door. ‘Give me five minutes.’
Alice hung behind the group that followed Lulu along the track into the crater. It had been a mistake to come. She didn’t want to hear the talk she would no longer be giving. Didn’t want to think about why she wouldn’t be giving it. Didn’t want to hear Dylan’s voice in her head. Or relive the conversation with Sarah. The humiliation. The disbelief. She wanted to fade, to blend into the desert unseen.