Susan squinted hard, fighting back tears. She wished that she’d hidden Randy’s car keys, but deep down she knew that hidden keys wouldn’t have stopped him. The fancy dinner that she’d prepared, now sitting cold on the kitchen table, hadn’t kept him home. Neither had the sexy dress, or the make-up. Her special efforts had only made things worse.
Because they’d never let Randy forget. He hadn’t meant to cripple the Maltin girl. If she hadn’t tried to pass him on that bridge nothing would have —
“Leave me alone!”
“But don’t you understand, Randy? We’ve got to talk about it. You just can’t shut me out. I’m your wife, Randy. I want to know what you’re thinking. I love — ”
“Don’t say it! I’m tired of talking. No one fucking listens! I talk and talk and nobody hears one fucking word!”
Flashbulb images she was unable to forget: Randy’s hand rising, shaking, nails chewed to the quick, knuckles gnawed bloody; Randy’s hand, tan and steady, holding the wedding ring; Randy’s hand floating in the air, a thing somehow separate from her husband; Randy’s hand, now a fist, punching the kitchen door; Randy’s hand wiping away her tears.
Susan wiped her crusty mascara. Now there were more tears.
The shadow was back.
The squealing sound. Susan made herself look. Two more smears on the window, two more snaking shadows projected on the pleated drapes. One vertical. One horizontal.
Susan bit her lower lip. No one tried to understand Randy’s side of it. Everyone in town had liked him before the accident, liked her too, but they were both treated like ghosts afterwards Randy apologized, but he didn’t seem to understand that apologies couldn’t cover the thing that he’d done. And nobody wanted to hear Randy whisper that the accident was just a bad break, something that could have happened to any of the folks who spent their weekends drinking in the local bars. No one wanted to think about that.
But Randy could think of little else. Excuses held his guilt at bay. And now one of Randy’s old friends was here at the house, scrawling something on the window, stirring Randy’s guilt.
Hurting Randy; hurting Susan, too.
And that was a big part of it, wasn’t it? Because Susan carried Randy’s guilt, too. It ate at her, devoured parts of her that she knew she could never get back. It stole her smile and ripped the life from her eyes. She couldn’t even look at her neighbors anymore, and every time she drove Randy’s dented Camaro into town she felt a little sick.
“I understand.” She’d said that to Randy over and over until it didn’t mean anything anymore, but no one had ever said it to her. Because no one wanted to understand what hell was really like, not unless they had to.
Another booming slam. Another scream.
The oily shadow. The squealing sound. Two more thick circles appeared on the window, one above the other, connected by a vertical line.
Tears spilled down Susan’s face.
A wind-bell rang.
The willow-branch shadows scratched at the lines and the circles.
12:02.
There was one bar — a dive out by the highway — that would still serve Randy, and Susan remembered the phone number. She pressed the receiver to her lips, whispering under the covers. She prayed that no one was staring at her through the crack between the drapes.
Susan remembered the staring eyes of the Maltin brothers burning holes in Randy’s back as he stood before the judge. She remembered the two bearded men holding their sister’s prosthetic hands, patting them, squeezing them when the judge announced the terms of Randy’s probation.
She remembered wondering if the Maltin brothers thought that metal hooks could feel.
“I’m sorry, Miz Hunter, but Randy left a good hour ago,” the sleepy barkeep drawled. “Ain’t he come home? Hey, listen, if anything happens he wasn’t at my place tonig — ”
Susan dropped the receiver.
12:03.
Gravel crunched.
A wind-bell rang.
Another booming slam. Metal smashing metal. Another scream.
Crying.
Susan’s heart thundered. The scream. The crying.
Randy.
Unsteadily, Susan rose from the bed and drew a flannel bathrobe over her slim shoulders. She stared at the drapes, trying to separate the tangled shadows from the thick, painted lines on the glass.
Randy’s work-boots crunched over the gravel path. His shadow melted across the window.
Susan pulled a cord and the drapes whispered open.
Randy swayed in the bright glow of the full moon, a relieved smile knifed across his sweaty face. His battered, yellow Camaro was parked on the lawn directly behind him, the hood open and smeared with blood. Randy raised the smashed mess that had once been his callused right hand and pressed it against the bedroom window. Splintered bone and torn flesh squealed wetly across the glass, leaving a bloody trail.
Susan sank into the shadows, unable to look away. The horrible squealing sound screamed in her ears.
A backward “e” appeared on the glass.
Finished, Randy stumbled across the gravel path and, one last time, slammed the Camaro’s hood. Metal smashed metal. He sank against the bloody grille and sobbed.
Susan moved to the window, reading the backward writing. Two words.
Forgive me.
A brass wind-bell rang in the willow branches above Randy’s head. Whimpering, he wrapped his ruined hand in his shirttail and closed his eves.
Susan’s hands trembled. Black shadows slithered around her fingers and poured, like cold blood, over her delicate wrists. She winced. The tiny bones beneath her palms grated like sharp stones. Her fingers throbbed.
Staring at her husband, Susan curled her fingers into fists and embraced the pain.
WHERE THE WOODBINE TWINETH
When the war was over the living came home. Not a rifle among them but those that had been transformed into crutches or canes, but rifles would not have mattered to men who were tired of war and wounds and death. Their bellies were empty and they broke their swords into plowshares, and they embraced a land they remembered and people they could not forget and wished the simple wish that they had never gone to war.
Of course, the dead came home, too. They came at night, and warily… their bellies bloated with grave worms, their hearts as heavy as fallen fruit. They marched in tattered battalions beneath willows that whispered in the sultry summer wind, and they paused at forgotten crossroads bordered by thorny brush and bayonet bramble, and they marched on and made their camps in cemeteries where mortal footfalls were seldom heard, far past the place where the woodbine twineth.
That was how it was with the living and the dead. But others came home, too. Men like John Barter. Barter had seen many places since leaving the South. Places to the north, places with names that he could never forget. Gettysburg… Cemetery Ridge… Devil’s Den…
But John Barter did not speak of those places. He spoke hardly at all. He came home with a mouthful of bone buttons that he had sliced off a Union sergeant’s uniform. He chewed and sucked those buttons all the way from Virginia, tramping the lonely miles in sunshine and in shadow, and he came home with rags on his feet and seven toes, and he came home with a sword that was as sharp as an officer’s tongue.
He came home with a fiddle, too, an instrument given him by his wife on the day of his enlistment. A single nail pierced the fiddle’s neck, the wood scissored around it like the slivered hand of Jesus on a crucifix. Still, the fiddle made sweet music. All Barter’s comrades said so… both the living and the dead. Even a Yankee at a distant outpost could be moved to tears by the sound of Barter playing “Aura Lee” on the eve of battle.