Even so, there came a time when I was lulled into a sense of security. How foolish of me! David was never going to allow anyone to get the better of him.
Perhaps he was growing tired of Elizabeth, but I grew aware that he was turning more and more to his pursuit of me. When I rode out I would find him following me. I had great difficulty in getting to the house in the town without his seeing me.
I used to slip out at odd times and if I failed to elude him I did not go to the house and Joel would be waiting there in vain.
His hatred of David was intense, I discovered. Joel's emotions were always intense. He never did things by halves. He threw himself wholeheartedly into whatever obsessed him. He was obsessed by his work; he was obsessed by our passion. I often thought how happy we could have been—he, you and I, Suewellyn, in that house in the town away from the castle.
This brings me to the last time I visited you at Crabtree Cottage—no, not the last time, for the last time I came was when I took you away. I mean the time before the last.
I did not realize that I was being followed. I should have done. But he was very skillful. David had become aware that I often left the castle for a day, ostensibly to visit relations of my father. This was supposed to be a branch of the family with whom I had stayed at the time of your birth and whom I had met at that time.
Well, on that occasion David followed me to Crabtree Cottage. He stayed at the local inn for a few days and asked a lot of questions. He saw you ... and frightened you, I believe. What he discovered was what he had expected to find. You were there ... our daughter, mine and Joel's.
He came back full of delight and the very next day he followed me when I went riding and caught up with me in the woods.
"Now, Anabel," he said, "I have to talk to you."
"Well, what have you to say?" I asked.
"It is about the eternal triangle ... you, Joel and myself."
"I don't think I want to hear anything you have to say on such a subject," I retorted.
"Ah, but it is not a question of what you want to hear. It's what I want to tell. I know all, sweet Anabel. I know how you and Joel behave. While he is supposed to be ministering to the sick you and he are sporting in his bachelor bedroom. I am surprised at you, Anabel, though not, of course, at my brother."
"I am going back to the castle."
"Not yet. We'll go back later. I know everything, Anabel. I know of the love nest above the surgery. I know about the little girl too. She's charming ... just what I would expect of your daughter ... and Joel's, of course."
I felt sick with horror. I guessed that he might have suspected my relationship with Joel but that he should have discovered your existence horrified me.
I heard myself stammering: "You ... you went and spoke to her... ."
"Don't look alarmed. Little girls don't appeal to me. I like big, beautiful ones like you, Anabel."
"Why are you telling me this? Why did you go spying ... ?"
"You're clever enough to know. I wonder what Jessamy will say when she hears that her dear friend is her husband's mistress. And she has a little girl too! Do you know your child has a look of Susannah about her? There's not much difference in their ages. There's no doubt that they are Matelands."
I felt ill. I thought of Jessamy. I could picture her stricken face when she knew. That I should be the one ... her cousin and her dearest friend! The betrayal was a thousand times more shocking because I was the one who had been disloyal to her.
"You must not tell Jessamy," I said.
"I don't want to, of course. And I won't ... for a ... consideration."
I felt myself go cold with horror. "What ... consideration?"
"I should have thought that to one of your discernment that would have been obvious."
I tried to push my horse past him, but he laid a hand on the reins.
"Well," he said, "isn't it just a question of when?"
I lifted my whip. I could have struck him across his smiling face. He caught my arm.
"Why so outraged?" he asked. "You're no shrinking virgin, are you? I mean, it would not be the first time you have indulged in this kind of adventure."
"You are despicable."
"And you are desirable. So much so, sweet Anabel, that I am ready to go to great lengths for you."
"I don't want to see you again."
"Where shall we go? In the castle? That would be amusing, wouldn't it? When will you come?"
"Never," I said.
"Oh, poor dear Jessamy, she will be upset!"
"Haven't you any decency?"
"None," he said.
"I hate you."
"In a way that will make it more interesting. Listen, Anabel, I have been waiting for this ... for years. I know about you and Joel. Why be so kind to one brother and so cruel to the other?"
"Joel and I love each other," I said vehemently.
"Very touching. It makes me want to weep."
"I doubt you ever wept for anything but rage."
"There are many things you have to learn about me, Anabel. But you will learn. You are going to have a long time to do it. You have to keep your wickedness from Jessamy, don't you? And there is only one way to do it."
"I shall go to her and tell her myself."
"Will you? Poor Jessamy! She is a very sentimental girl and she has not been well since Susannah was born. She suffers from her chest, you know, and her heart is not what it should be. I hope Joel has not got ideas in his head. Oh dear, the plot thickens. I wonder how she will take the news? This story of your wickedness, I mean. You and her husband ... husband and best friend. Alas, it is often like that."
I spurred up my horse and galloped away. I did not know where to go, what to do. Finally I went back to the castle. Jessamy was resting, I was told. I felt frantic with anxiety. I could not bear Jessamy to know.
And the alternative ...
I was shivering with fear. There was one thought which kept hammering in my head. Jessamy must not know.
I kept going over that scene in the woods. I could not forget his gleaming eyes and his full sensual lips. I could read his thoughts so clearly and I knew that he believed he had at last got me into his power.
My door opened slowly. I jumped up startled, for it was Jessamy.
"Did I startle you?" she asked.
"N-no," I answered.
"Is anything wrong?"
"No, why?"
"You look ... different."
"I have a slight headache," I told her.
"Oh dear, Anabel, it is so rare to see you not well."
"I'm quite all right really."
"You must get Joel to give you a tonic. Why don't you lie down? I really came to talk to you about Susannah."
"What's wrong with Susannah?"
"She can be very willful, you know, Anabel. She wants her own way all the time and seems to get it."
"She's a Mateland," I said.
"I shouldn't bother you about this now. It's nothing really. I just wanted a talk, I suppose. I was a bit worried about her and when I'm worried it's to you I come. Do you remember, it's about seven years since you came to the castle?"
"I was seventeen then," I said, just to say something.
"That makes you twenty-four now. You ought to have a husband, Anabel."
I closed my eyes; this was becoming unbearable. She went on talking as though musing to herself. "We ought to do something about you. Give parties ... balls... . I'm going to speak to Joel ... when I see him. What's the matter? Are you really all right? I'm chattering away when you've got a headache. You must rest, Anabel!"