"Having none, it's difficult to say. But if I killed my half sister I should be very cross with myself, for to tell you the truth I like her more and more every day."
She could say charming things like that and then one believed she never meant to wound.
"Uncle David was a typical Mateland," she went on. "In the old days he would have waylaid travelers and brought them to the castle and made sport with them. There was one who did that long ago in the dark, dark ages. Uncle David would have gone for the women ... fate worse than death and all that. Oh yes, he was very fond of the women. He had his mistresses right under Aunt Emerald's nose. Mind you, she was an invalid, poor soul. And a very trying old lady she is too. As for Elizabeth ... but she's dead now."
"What about Esmond?" I asked.
Her expression changed. "I'll tell you a secret, shall I, Suewellyn? I'm going to marry Esmond."
"Oh, that's wonderful."
"How do you know?"
"Well, if you love him ... and you've been brought up together ..."
"Quite good reasons, but there is another. Shall I tell you what it is? You ought to guess. Can you? No, of course you can't. You're too good. You've been brought up by sweet Anabel ... who was not too sweet to get a child by the husband of her best friend... ."
"Please don't talk about my mother like that."
"I'm sorry, sweet sister. But it was my mother who was her best friend and I was there when she found out. But you're right.
It's not fair to speak of it now. It's not really fair to judge anybody, is it? Only priggish people do that, for how can they know what drives people to act as they do, and how do we know what we should do in similar circumstances?"
"I agree," I said.
"Then you won't judge me too harshly when I tell you I'm going to marry Esmond because he owns the castle."
"And you wouldn't marry him if he didn't?"
"No. It is purely because he owns the castle and I'd marry anyone who owned the castle. I should get it if Esmond died but as Esmond comes first I'd have to marry Esmond or kill him— and marriage is much easier. There, now you're shocked. You think, She is selling herself for a pile of stones and talking about murder as though it is a natural way of life."
I was silent. I was thinking: If she is going to marry Esmond, she will go away and it will be as it was before. Philip and I will be together again.
But it wouldn't be the same, of course.
"Ever since I was a child I was fascinated by the castle," she went on, for once not seeing that my attention had strayed from her affairs to my own. "I used to force myself to go down to the dungeons. I had the children over from the nearby manor house to play with me and I used to make them enter the undercroft— and the crypt leads from there. You go down a few steps and it is dark and cold ... so cold, Suewellyn. It's hard to imagine that cold here. And there are the vaults ... long-dead Matelands all lying in state in those magnificent tombs. One day I shall be there. I shan't change my name when I marry. I shall never be anything but a Mateland. It's very convenient Esmond's being my cousin."
"Does he know of your obsession with the castle?"
"To a certain extent. But, like all men, he is vain. He thinks he must be included in the obsession and that is something I have to let him believe."
"You sound very cynical, Susannah."
"I have to be realistic. Everybody does if they are going to get what they want."
"When are you going to marry Esmond?"
"When I go back probably."
"When is that?"
"When I have seen the world. I was in a finishing school in Paris for a year and when that was over I wanted to complete my education by seeing the world. I was going to do something like the Grand Tour. Then I discovered where my father was, so naturally I changed plans and came out here."
"It was a breach of confidence for this man to tell you."
"I had to be very charming to him. I can if I want to."
"You seem to be ... quite effortlessly."
"It seems so. That's the art of it ... to let it appear effortless. But a lot of work goes into it, you know."
"Sometimes I think you're laughing at me ... laughing at us all."
"It's good to laugh, Suewellyn."
"But not at other people's expense."
"I wouldn't hurt you ... any of you. Why, I love you all. You're my long-lost family."
Her eyes were mocking. I wished that I understood Susannah.
But there was no doubt that her delight in Mateland Castle was genuine. I was growing as enthralled as she was. It seemed as though I wandered through those vaulted rooms with her. I could feel the cold of the vaults, the terror of the dungeons, the eerieness of the undercroft and the splendor of the main hall. I felt that I had actually walked up the great staircase and stood beneath the portraits of those long-dead Matelands, that I had dined in their company in the dining room with its tapestried walls and needlepoint chair seats which had been worked by some long-dead ancestor. I lingered in the Braganza room which the Queen of that name had occupied when she stayed at the castle. I sat on the bay window in the library with books from the shelves piled beside me—and in the main hall and the little breakfast room which the family used for taking meals when they were alone. Then I walked through the armory at night when it was so ghostly with the suits of armor standing there like sentinels. I felt that I had sat in the solarium catching the last of the sun before darkness fell. It was uncanny. I felt that I knew the castle, that I had lived there. I longed to hear of it and continually I plied Susannah with questions.
She was amused. "You see the power of this castle," she said. "You, who have never stepped inside it, long to be there. You would like to possess it, wouldn't you? Oh yes, you would. Imagine yourself mistress of Mateland. Imagine yourself going to the kitchens every morning to discuss the day's menu with the cooks, bustling round the stillroom, counting your preserves, arranging balls and all the amusements which are part of entertaining in a castle. It's because you belong. You're one of us. Our blood is in your veins and if you acquired it on the wrong side of the blanket, as they say, it's still there, isn't it? It's the home of your ancestors. Your roots are sprouting from those ancient stone walls."
There was a good deal in what she said. I would never forget as long as I lived standing at the edge of the woods with Anabel and seeing it for the first time, and how I had watched the riders passing under the gatehouse—Susannah, Esmond, Malcolm and Garth.
Susannah and I spent a great deal of time together. I told her I was going to Laura's wedding and would be leaving with the ship when next it called. "Shall you be leaving too?" I asked.
"I'll think about it," she said. "You'll be away two months. Oh yes, I must come with you. I'll have to make plans for going home. Why don't you come with me? I'd love to show you the castle."
"Come with you! How would you explain me to Esmond ... Emerald and the others?"
"I should say: 'This is my beloved sister. We have become good friends. She is going to stay at the castle.'"
"They would know who I was."
"Why not? You're a Mateland ... one of us, aren't you?"
"I couldn't come. They would ask questions. They would find out where my father is... ."
She shrugged her shoulders. "Think about it," she said, "while you're dancing at this wedding."
"I am leaving in two weeks' time."
"And Philip will go with you. The bride is his sister, isn't she? I'll have to come, I think."
"I am sure the Halmers would welcome you. It's a big property and there are lots of rooms."
She was thoughtful.
A few days later she said: "Why do you always wear those smocks, Suewellyn? I'd like to see you in something really smart. Come on, try on one of my dresses. Let's see if we can fool them. We'll dress you up as me."