Jack Chivers and Leah Cringle were married. I went to the wedding and to my surprise Malcolm came.
The church was almost empty. None of the Cringle family was there. They were still showing their disapproval because of the circumstances.
"Let them stay away," I whispered to Malcolm. "It's a happier occasion without them."
"As usual you are right," he answered.
I was so delighted to see Leah come down the aisle on Jack's arm, her fawnlike eyes radiant with happiness. She saw me there and tears welled into her eyes. I thought she was going to stop in her progress and come and kiss the hem of my skirt.
Outside the church we congratulated them.
"Oh, Miss Susannah," said Leah, "'twouldn't have happened but for you. I can't never do enough for you."
"Well, here you are, Leah. Mrs. Chivers now. You're going to live happy ever after."
"That's a command," put in Malcolm. "A command from Miss Susannah, and you know they always have to be obeyed."
Leah hardly looked at him. She was so shy. But her great doelike eyes were fixed on me.
When she and Jack went off arm in arm to the cottage, I stood for a few moments looking after them. Malcolm, I suddenly realized, was watching me.
"Susannah," he said softly.
I was afraid to look at him, for I guessed I should betray the emotion I was feeling.
"You've really made their cause your own, haven't you?" he went on. "I dare say they will ask you to be godmother when the baby arrives."
I did not answer.
He came a little closer. "They seem pleased with life," he mused. "There's a great deal to be said for marriage. Do you agree with me, Susannah?"
"Oh yes ... of course."
"You contemplated it once yourself ... you and Esmond."
I was silent. I was aware that I was on very dangerous ground.
"Susannah," he continued, "there are things I want to know."
"I think we should be getting back to the castle," I said quickly.
He had taken my arm. "What's the matter, Susannah?" he asked. "What are you afraid of?"
"Afraid!" I laughed, and hoped my laughter sounded convincing. "What are you talking about? Come along. I must get back now."
"There's something I have to discover," he added.
I was sure then that he suspected me. I started to walk very quickly, and he kept close beside me but he said no more.
When I was ready to leave for the rounds that afternoon he was waiting for me.
"Mind if I accompany you?" he asked.
"Of course not ... if you want to."
"I want to very much," he replied.
Strangely enough, he said nothing more to disturb me and I felt really happy that afternoon. I found great pleasure riding beside him in the sunshine. I tried to forget that I was here under false pretenses. I tried to believe that I really was Susannah, a Susannah who cared about helping people and found happiness doing so.
We went past the Thorns' cottage but did not call.
I said: "Miss Thorn has spent many years looking after her disagreeable old mother."
"A fate reserved for numbers of women."
"It's not fair," I said. "I'm going to do something for her if I can."
"What?"
"I've discovered Miss Thorn is full of anxieties. Think of the life she leads! Oh, I do wish I could make her happy."
We had ridden some way round the estate and entered the woods. To me they would always be enchanted woods because of that episode in my childhood.
"Let's rest here awhile," said Malcolm. "It was always my favorite spot."
"Mine too," I said.
"There's a wonderful view of the castle from here. It looks like something out of a painting."
We tied up our horses and stretched out on the grass.
This was the nearest I had come to contentment since my parents had died; and the realization suddenly came to me that I could find happiness again. There was something else I had learned. My happiness was not entirely due to what I had been able to do on the estate. It was because of Malcolm.
He reminded me of my father. He was after all a distant connection. There was a strong streak of Mateland in him. I told myself that friendship with Malcolm supplied something that I needed to fill the terrible gap in my life.
He said suddenly: "How beautiful it is! Do you know, Susannah, this to me is the most beautiful spot in the world."
"You love the castle."
"Yes. You too."
"There is something enthralling about a castle," I added. "One thinks of all that has happened there. Just to look at it transports one back as far as the twelfth century and a hundred years later when the first Matelands came."
"You're well versed in the family history."
"Aren't you?"
"I am. But you ... Susannah ... you used to be so different."
That phrase always filled me with apprehension. "Was I?" I said faintly.
"I disliked you intensely as a child. You were a selfish little brat."
"Some children are."
"You were particularly so. You believed that the whole world existed to feed Susannah's whims."
"Was I really as bad as all that?"
"Worse," he said emphatically. "Even later... ."
"Yes?" I prompted, my heart beating faster.
"Since you came back from Australia I've been astounded. All that drama over the Chiverses' cottage and poor little Leah."
"There's nothing very unusual about it," I said. "It's a sad human story that repeats itself again and again."
"It's Susannah's part in it that's so unusual. You really cared, didn't you? And you've won little Leah's eternal gratitude."
"It was so little I did."
"You showed Jeff Carleton that you were in charge."
"Well, I am, am I not? He knows that."
"He knows it now."
"I suppose you think that a woman should not be in this position!"
He was silent for a while. Then he said: "It depends on the woman."
"And you think this woman is worthy?"
"Completely so," he answered gravely.
We were silent for a while; then I said: "Malcolm ... you thought when Esmond died this would come to you... ."
"Yes," he said, "I thought it likely."
"And you wanted it. You wanted it badly."
"Yes. I did."
"I'm sorry, Malcolm."
He laughed. "Sorry! Of course you mustn't be. It's what's called fate. I never really thought your grandfather would leave the management of the estate to a woman. He must have been very fond of you."
"You've done a great deal for the castle. I wish ..."
"Yes, what do you wish?"
I didn't answer that. I could not tell him what was in my mind. So I said: "I suppose you will be going away. We shall miss you ... Jeff and I."
He leaned towards me and put his hand over mine.
"Thank you, Susannah. I might be persuaded to stay."
My heart began to beat fast. What was he hinting? Could he possibly mean that he and I would marry ... as Susannah and Esmond had intended to?
He was watching me intently. I thought, The moment has come. If he asks me to marry him I shall have to tell. And what would he think if he knew that I was a cheat and a fraud?
I heard myself say: "But you have your own life. What do you do when you are not here?"
He looked at me in puzzlement and I realized at once what a mistake I had made. Of course Susannah would have known what he did.
After a pause he said: "Well, you know Stockley has to be managed. Tom Rexon is a good manager fortunately. That's why I can always leave things to him. If there is a major decision to be made he can get in touch. Otherwise he's completely capable."
So his home was Stockley. I wondered where. I must be careful not to betray myself. It was so easy to take a false step and I saw that I had just made one. I had halted the flow of conversation. What had he been about to say? Whatever it was, he was not going to say it now.