And there at the very center of the circle I saw a tiny bundle-a scrap of leather tied with sinew. My fingers were recapturing their old skill and did not fumble as I untied it and rolled the contents into my palm. They looked like a couple of dried seeds, but they were the tiny mushrooms which grew so rarely near Avalon. They were no use as food, and most folk thought them poison, for they would cause vomiting and purging and a bloody flux; but taken sparingly, fasting, they could open the gates to the Sight ... this was a gift more precious than gold. They grew not in this country at all, and I could only guess how far the little folk had wandered in search of them. I left them what food I had brought, dried meats and fruits and a honeycomb, but not in repayment; the gift was priceless. I knew that I would lock myself within my chamber at Midwinter, and there seek again the Sight I had renounced. With the gates of vision thus opened I could seek and dare the very presence of the Goddess, begging to reprcnounce what I had forsworn. I had no fear that I would be cast forth again. It was she who sent me this gift that I might seek again her presence.
And I bent to the ground in thanksgiving, knowing that my prayers had been heard and my penance done.
10
The snow was beginning to melt off the hills and a few of the earliest wild flowers showed in sheltered valleys when the Lady of the Lake was summoned to the barge to greet the Merlin of Britain. Kevin looked pale and worn, his face haggard, his twisted limbs dragging more reluctantly than ever, and he braced himself with a stout stick. Niniane noticed, her eyes hiding the pity she felt, that he had been forced to put My Lady from him into the hands of a serving-man, and she pretended not to see, knowing what a blow that must have been to his pride. She slowed her own steps on the path toward her dwelling place, and there she welcomed him, summoned her women to build up the fire, and sent for wine, of which he took only a token sip, and bowed gravely in thanks.
"What brings you here so early in the year, Venerable?" she asked him. "Have you come from Camelot?"
He shook his head. "I was there for a part of the winter," he said, "and I spoke much with Arthur's councillors, but early in the spring I went southward on a mission to the treaty troops-I should say now, I suppose, the Saxon kingdoms. And I take it you know whom I saw there, Niniane. Was that Morgause's doing, or yours, I wonder?"
"Neither," she said quietly. "It was Gwydion's own choice. He knew he should have some experience in battle, Druid teaching or no-there have been warrior Druids ere this. And he chose to go south to the Saxon kingdoms-they are allied with Arthur, but there he would not come under Arthur's eyes. He did not-for reasons known as well to you as to me- wish for Arthur to set eyes on him." After a moment she added, "I would not swear that Morgause did not influence his choice. He takes counsel of her, when he will seek the counsel of any."
"Is it so?" Kevin raised his eyebrows. "Aye, I suppose so-she is the only mother he has ever known. And she ruled Lot's kingdom as well as any man, and still rules, even with her new consort."
"I heard not that she had a new consort," said Niniane. "I cannot see as well what happens in the kingdoms as did Viviane."
"Aye, she had the Sight to aid her," Kevin said, "and maidens with the Sight when her own Sight failed her. Have you none, Niniane?"
"I have-some," she said hesitating. "Yet it fails me now and again-" and she was silent a moment, staring at the flagstones of the floor. At last she said, "I think-Avalon is-is drifting further from the lands of men, Lord Merlin. What season was it in the world outside?"
"Ten days have passed since the equinox, Lady," said Kevin.
Niniane drew a long breath. "And I kept that feast but seven days since. It is as I thought-the lands are drifting. As yet no more than a few days in every moon, but I fear soon we shall be as far from sun tide and moon tide as that fairy kingdom they tell of... it is ever harder to summon the mists and to pass forth from this land."
"I know," said Kevin. "Why, think you, I came at the slack of the tide?" He smiled his twisted grin and said, "You should rejoice-you will not age as women in the outer world are prone to age, Lady, but remain younger."
"You do not comfort me," said Niniane with a shudder. "Yet there is none in the outer world whose fate I follow, save-"
"Gwydion's," said Kevin. "I thought as much. But there is one with whose fate you should be concerned as well-"
"Arthur in his palace? He has renounced us," said Niniane, "and Avalon lends him no more help-"
"It is not of Arthur I spoke," said Kevin, "nor does he seek help from Avalon, not now. But-" He hesitated. "I heard it from the folk of the hills -there is a king again in Wales, and a queen."
"Uriens?" Niniane laughed, a scoffing laugh. "He is older than those same hills, Kevin! What can he do for those folk?"
"Nor did I speak of Uriens," said Kevin. "Had you forgotten? Morgaine is there, and the Old People have accepted her as their queen. She will protect them, even against Uriens, while she lives. Had you forgotten that the son of Uriens had teaching here, and wears the serpents about his wrists?"
Niniane was silent for a moment, motionless. At last she said, "I had forgotten that. He was not the elder son, so I thought he would never reign-"
"The elder son is a fool," said Kevin, "though the priests think him a good successor to his father, and from their view, he is so-pious and simple and he will not interfere with their church. The priests trust not the second son-Accolon-because he wears the serpents. And, since Morgaine has come there, he has remembered it, and serves her as his queen. And for the folk of the hills she is queen, too, whoever may sit on the throne in the Roman fashion. For them, the king is he who dies yearly among the deer, but the queen is eternal. And it may be that in the end Morgaine will do what Viviane left undone."
Niniane could hear, with a detached surprise, the bitterness in her own voice. "Kevin, not for one day since Viviane died and they came to set me here, have I been allowed to forget that I am not Viviane, that after Viviane I am nothing. Even Raven follows me with her great silent eyes that say always, You are not Viviane, you cannot do the work Viviane spent her life to do. I know it well-that I was chosen only because I am the last of Taliesin's blood and there was no other, that I am not of the royal line of the Queen of Avalon! No, I am not Viviane, and I am not Morgaine, but I have served faithfully here in this place when I sought it never and when it was thrust upon me because of Taliesin's blood. I have been faithful to my vows- is this nothing to anyone?"
"Lady," said Kevin gently, "Viviane was such a priestess as comes not into this world more than once in many hundreds of years, even in Avalon. And her reign was long-she ruled here for nine-and-thirty years, and very few of us can remember before her time. Any priestess who must follow in her steps would feel herself less in comparison. There is nothing for which you must reproach yourself. You have been faithful to your vows."
"As Morgaine was not," said Niniane.
"True. But she is of the blood royal of Avalon, and she bore the heir to the King Stag. It is not for us to judge her."
"You defend her because you were her lover-" Niniane flared, and Kevin raised his head. She had not realized; set within the dark and twisted face, his eyes were blue, like the very center of flame. He said quietly, "Would you try to pick a quarrel with me, Lady? That is over and gone years since, and when last I saw Morgaine, she called me traitor and worse, and drove me from her presence with harsh words such as no man with blood in his veins could forgive. Do you think I love her too well? But it is not my place to judge her, nor yours. You are the Lady of the Lake. Morgaine is my queen, and Queen of Avalon. She does her work in the world as you do yours here-and I where the Gods lead me. And they led me this spring into the fen country, where, at the court of a Saxon who calls himself king under Arthur, I saw Gwydion."