The New Epicuriean

Pause again.

'The cock-'

Here Phoebe tried to stop her, but she squeezed her interrupter's two cheeks so that she could not speak and hurriedly concluded, 'Making chickens-there.'

This was too much for my gravity, and I was convulsed with laughter; when I had a little recovered, I asked, 'And how does the cock do that, my dear?'

'Why,' said Chloe, with the most artless manner in the world, 'he tickles the hen, and when she lays eggs they come to chickens.'

'Tickles her! I do not understand,' said I.

'But he does,' insisted the little girl.

'But the cock has no fingers; how can he tickle?'

'Why,' cried Chloe triumphantly, 'he has got a finger, and a long one too, and I saw it shoot from under his tail when he was treading the hen, and he tickled her, just as you are tickling me now, but putting it right into her body. Now, am I not right in saying the cock makes chickens by tickling the hen?'

“Well reasoned, my little logician,' cried I, really pleased with her wit. 'I see, though you have lived in the country, you are no fool, and I will tell you something which little girls are always very curious about but which their mothers and grannies will never tell them anything of. But first tell me why you thought the cock tickling the hen made the chickens.'

'Why, because Phoebe told me, to be sure.'

'Oh, ho!' said I, laughing. 'You told her, Phoebe, did you?'

Poor Phoebe looked frightened out of her wits.

'I hope you will forgive me, sir, but Chloe did worrit so and keep all on about that ere beast of a cock, that at last I up and told her.'

'God bless you, my dear girl. What if you did? There is no harm in that, I hope. There can never be anything wrong in what is natural.'

Then turning to Chloe, whose little cunny I had not let go of all this while, 'Would you like to know, my dear, where the babies come from and how they are made?'

'Oh, yes; that I just should,' exclaimed Chloe, hugging and kissing me.

'Very well; now you know, I suppose, that you are not made exactly like a little boy, do you not?'

'Yes, I know that. Down here, you mean,' and she pointed to where my finger was still tickling.

'Just so. But did you ever, by chance, happen to see a man?'

'Never.'

'And you would like to?'

'Of all things.'

'There then!' cried I, lifting her up and allowing the rampant yard to spring up against my belly.

'Oh, the funny thing!' said Chloe; then taking hold of it, 'How hot it is. That is what I have felt against my bottom these last ten minutes and could not think what it was; but what has that to do with making babies?'

'I will show you,' said I, 'but I cannot promise you that I shall make one, as I am too old for that, but it is by doing what I am going to do to Phoebe that children are begotten.'

'Oh, I see!' cried the little girl, clapping her hands, 'you are going to serve Phoebe as I saw the stallion serve the mare today. That will be capital fun.'

'Serve the mare,' I ejaculated, glancing over my shoulder at Phoebe. 'How's this?'

'Well, the truth is, sir,' said the self-conscious girl, 'ever since your honour showed me that trick I have often gone to see them do it, and I was watching them today when this little scapegrace came running into the stable. So I was obliged to tell her all about it, as I did about the chickens.'

'Well,' said I, 'if she has seen that, I see no harm in her seeing the other; so pull up your clothes, my dearest creature.'

In a moment Phoebe had tucked up her petticoats and, kneeling on the truckle bed and jutting her white posteriors well out, presented a full view of all her charms. 'Oh, my,' cried Chloe, 'why Phoebe, you have got hair growing on your-'

She stopped, and with a charming blush, hid her face in my bosom.

'And so will you have, my little maid,' I whispered, 'when you are as old as she is; but now observe what I am going to do, and mind you tickle me underneath all the while.'

This she did in the most delightful manner, occasionally laughing to see Phoebe wriggling about. As soon as all was over, I sent Phoebe to my room for some refreshments and wine, and while she was gone I gamahuched the lovely little Chloe, which operation, coming as it did after all the frigging she had undergone, roused at once her dormant passions into precocious energy. With eagerness she seized my again erect wand, and putting it into her little mouth, worked it up and down so that, just as Phoebe returned, I sent a spurting shower over her tongue while her virgin dew drenched my own.

'Oh, my! how salty it is,' sputtered the little girl, spitting and making a wry face. 'And is it that stuff, sir, that makes the babies?'

'One drop of it, my dear, is sufficient to make a little girl as pretty as you.'

'Or a little boy?'

'Yes, or a little boy.'

After supper, Chloe, who said she was not at all sleepy, wanted Phoebe and me to perform again, but I told her that was quite enough for one night and that she was on no account to say anything of what she had seen to her granddam.

Now I think, my dear Julia, you will say I have related a most interesting adventure; but really, I wish you would come and stay a few days and share in our sports. I shall confidently expect to see you before long.

To Euphrosyne

Your pretty cousin Sappho will doubtless have told you the startling news, that I am-what do you think? — married! It is true, however, and a very charming little creature my wife is, I can tell you.

Quite free from all those silly notions of propriety and jealousy, her chief delight is to make me happy, not only by giving up to me her own pretty person but by throwing in my way any chance that may occur when there is any new face that pleases me.

With this view, she proposed to me that we should adopt the two little daughters of a cousin of hers. Being poor, he had accepted a situation in the East India Company's service, and subsequently contracted, in the East, an imprudent marriage of which these children were the fruits. Their mother being dead, he sent them home to be educated; and by a singular chance they were placed at the school of Mrs. J, who you know is a tenant of mine and occupies that house near this place which I offered to your papa some years ago.

Of course, after my marriage I presented Cecilia to my household as their mistress, no object being gained by keeping it a secret, and there is a great convenience in this since, whatever they may have thought before about the secret chamber and grounds, as my wife is now with me it silences scandal at once. Now I will go on to relate to you the acquisition this plan of my wife's has produced.

We drove over to Mrs. J, with whom I was always a favourite; and with reason, as more than once when she was a little straitened for her rent I have sent her a receipt for the money without ever receiving it.

She is the widow of a naval officer, and though over five and thirty years of age, has the remains of considerable personal attractions.

She was at home and delighted with our visit. So we opened the object of it.

'My dear Mrs. J,' began Lady Cecilia with the smile of a seraph, 'I have persuaded Sir Charles to allow me to adopt my poor cousin's little girls, and I now intend to take the entire charge of these young ladies.' Then, observing Mrs. J begin to look very thoughtful, she quickly added, 'But do not misunderstand me. I mean not to remove them from your excellent supervision; their education must of course proceed as usual. All I want is permission to break through one of your rules and ask you to let them come and pass a few days with us sometimes, instead of coming for the regular holidays.'

'I am sure,' cried Mrs. J, whose countenance had quite cleared up during this speech, 'I shall be vastly pleased to oblige your ladyship in any way in my power. Pray arrange it just as you like.'