The waiter brings your dessert and – Oh my God! – you see a long hair in the plate.
What are you now and what are you doing?
– Waiter! Waiter! – you are shouting loudly. – Call the administrator!
You are indignantly calling for attention, demanding a new dish and a compensation for moral damage. You behave so because you\'ve been served badly, you are a Cheated client.Scene five
And suddenly everything changes. A classmate of yours is coming up to you with a broad smile. You haven\'t seen each other for ages!
– Hey, buddy! – he bursts out. – I\'ve been wondering who\'s shouting out so loudly! So that\'s you! I\'m so glad to meet you!
– Oh my God! Billy! Fancy meeting you! Haven\'t you left the city long ago? I thought I\'d never see you again!
What have you become and what are you doing now?
You have already forgotten about the waiter and the sinister dessert. You are hugging the old friend of yours. Your eyes are shining brightly. Your voice is ringing. You\'ve even forgotten about your business partner. Etiquette and ceremonies have become unimportant. Everything that mattered a minute ago has faded into insignificance and has become uninteresting.
You have changed your role for the role of a Friend (Buddy, Classmate). Your world has changed! In the last half an hour you changed your roles four times (leave alone the pass-through roles of a Watcher , a Restaurant visitor etc.). You have passed into another role .
And now let\'s get back to the most important question in this book.Who are YOU?
The person who always changes his (her) roles?
or
The person you are this very moment in this very situation?
Do you exist outside your roles or ARE you the roles?
I hope that together we\'ll find answers to these questions. And now I\'ll take my chance and introduce the first thesis.
Thesis 1. A person plays a role every moment of his/her life.
When we are in social environment we always take up one of our roles that suits the situation. You can easily observe that: just notice how you behave over a certain period of time.
We «enter» into a family role (father, mother, son, daughter, brother, nephew, godfather) when we are surrounded by our family members, by our nearest and dearest. At work we become bosses, colleagues, managers, carpenters, accountants, salesmen, cofounders, business partners, etc.
We have a whole bunch of roles for different kinds of activities: leisure time, sports, communicating with friends, shopping, and we don\'t even realize that, we don\'t give these roles any names. For example, at the jeweler\'s you feel and act differently than at the grocer\'s. At a large stadium while watching your favorite game or at a romantic date in a cozy restaurant with your beloved person you behave differently.
In each of these situations you are in a different role.
Even when you are alone, thinking something over, – at that very moment you are in a role. If you\'re thinking about how to write a quarterly report, – you are in the role of an Employee, – no matter what you are doing at this very moment. You are trying to decide what to cook for dinner? Even if you are sitting at an office table, – you are in the role of a Housewife or a Bachelor , or the role of any other person who is supposed to cook dinner.
Supposing you are alone on a desert island? All the roles you\'ve got used to have lost their sense. All the same you think over a role for yourself and «plunge» into it. For example, it is the role of a « Robinson Crusoe », or a « Lucky Survivor », or a « Victim of Circumstances ». The role that you choose will substantially influence your prospects of rescue. In any of these roles you will feel different, take the situation differently and behave in a different manner.
How do people change roles?
Thesis 2. A special context is required for a person to change a role – this special situation actualizes the role. Such situations are called «actualizing situations».
In the above-mentioned examples actualizing situations are the following ones: the meeting with a business partner, the phone call, annoyance when getting the dessert and the unexpected encounter of a classmate. Each of these situations «launched» a certain role.
In the forthcoming chapter I will describe actualizing situations in detail. And now I would like to draw your attention to the following:
Thesis 3. A person can change his/her role:
– automatically , unconsciously, by force of habit, without thinking about the process and choice (for familiar and frequently used roles);
– consciously , voluntarily, if the person is acquainted with role management;
– because of role manipulation , i.e. when other people consciously or unconsciously create the context which actualizes a specific role..
Read the story above once again and note:
Thesis 4. Transition into another role is accompanied by changes in:
– psychological and physiological condition;
– perception of reality and oneself;
– behavioral patterns and actions.
This is characteristic of living in roles . When a role is changed for another one it always results in changes in the above mentioned parameters. The more the roles differ the sharper the contrast between the two states is.
In such situation we can often hear: « He is like a new man », « Today she is a completely different person than she was yesterday », « How could you do that? I would never expect that from you! » « This is not like you at all !» and so on.
Now we have studied all the facets of the above-mentioned example. Let\'s pass over to the next subject.
Chapter 2. What is a role?
We use the notion of a «role» so often that we don\'t even think about its meaning, about the process of changing roles and about how we live and act when we are in a certain role.
Have you ever noticed that it\'s enough to only pronounce the name of any role that a person is ready to enter this role?
– I am your mother . You are my son . That\'s why you must obey me!
– Dmitry, you are an experienced manager . How could you permit that?
– Don\'t crowd, folks ! Each one will get the chance!
– I am a grown-up person! I can make my own decisions!
In all these phrases you see the names of different roles ( Experienced Manager, Grown-up ) or pairs of interacting roles ( Mother/Son ). And each phrase implies that a person is expected to behave this or that way: he/she has certain rights and obligations associated with his/her role.
Now we can already specify the parameters that define a role:
1. Name (marker) of a role.
2. Rights and obligations associated with the role ( Rules of a role).
3. Behavioral patterns and actions associated with the role ( Scenario of a role).
There is a variety of scientific definitions of a «role» . Most often the following one is used: