I had long talks with Justin and Morwenna.
"We're going home," said Morwenna with delight. "We have decided that, haven't we, Justin? I have written to Pa and Mother. They'll be so very pleased. They've hated our being so far away. We are going to take you with us, Angelet."
I looked down at my spreading figure.
"We're going to wait," said Morwenna. "We've worked it all out. We won't go before the baby is born. You couldn't travel yet and then you wouldn't want to until the baby is, say ... six months old."
"That will be nearly nine months. You wouldn't want to wait all that time. You'd better go now. I'll make my own way home."
"Of course we wouldn't do that, would we, Justin? You see, if you know that you are going, it is not so bad. You count the days ... You tick them off as they pass and you know it's getting nearer. What is so dreadful is not knowing when it is going to end. We want to wait for nine months, don't we, Justin?"
Justin answered: "Yes, we do and we shall. We're not going to leave you here, Angelet. We shall all go back together. After all, even if we weren't going to wait for you we couldn't just walk out. In the meantime I shall get someone to help me work the mine."
"Oh Justin, you can't go down there again ... after what happened."
"I think I know where it went wrong. There was so much damp down there that the wood rotted. You get to learn these things, you know. You don't make the same mistakes twice."
"I know you are longing to get away after all you went through ... particularly Justin. Please don't worry about me. I'll manage."
But they would not hear of it.
Later I talked to Justin alone.
He said: "I feel so ashamed. Only you in this place can know how ashamed I feel."
"It's all over," I said. "Gervaise is dead. Only the three of us knew what happened on that night. You can't go on thinking of it forever."
"We had not spoken in friendship ... since it happened," he went on. "He despised me, I know he did. I saw it in his eyes ..."
"Yes," I said. "Cheating at cards. It was the ultimate sin. Gervaise was obsessed by gambling ..."
"So many of us are."
"Are you going to give it up?"
He looked helplessly into space.
I said: "You could go home. There would be a place for you with Morwenna's father ..."
"I know. I'm going to try. I feel I can never forget this. It was so noble of him."
"There was a lot of nobility in Gervaise."
"Oh yes. He hated me. He despised me. There was no need for him to come down like that. If he had not, he would be here today. I should be lying where he is. Why did he do it? He knew what a risk he was taking."
"He liked to take risks. He was a gambler right to the end. He thought he could win ... always. He was betting then against the biggest odds ever. But this time he was betting for a different reason. Not for gain ... but for another man's life."
"And he lost," said Justin.
"No, he won. He saved your life, Justin. That was his aim."
I turned away to hide my emotion.
"Oh, Angelet, I'm sorry. I should have been the one. I'm the unworthy one."
I said: "You have made Morwenna happy. That is wonderful. You have your son. You will love him and care for him. Justin, we have to forget what we have done in the past. We have to grow better for our experiences ... we have to learn from them."
He looked at me very seriously and said: "I shall do all I can for you, Angelet. I shall try to repay Gervaise through you."
The weeks passed. Everyone in the township wanted to show their appreciation to the widow of a hero.
Morwenna was my constant companion. She was very happy at the prospect of going home. She talked of it most of the time. "Eight more months ... the time will soon be gone."
Justin had taken a partner with whom he worked—John Higgs, who would take over the claim when he left. They had shored up the mine afresh and everyone declared it was as "safe as houses" now—however safe they were.
I believe it must have been something of an ordeal to descend the mine after what had happened to him; but he did. I daresay he was spurred on by the hope that he would find gold after all. What a wonderful conclusion to his life at Golden Creek that would be ... to have escaped death to find a fortune.
Nothing so spectacular happened; there were the trivial finds now and then—just enough to raise hopes. He played cards occasionally. I wondered if he cheated. I did not ask. I did not want to know.
I no longer wanted to make hasty judgments of people. One could not know them ... ever, it seemed. I thought often of Gervaise ... sadly, nostalgically, remembering so much of him that I had loved. Whenever I thought of our escape from the auberge I would supplant that image with one of the hero and remember the last glimpse I had had of him, the dirt caking his hair and streaking down his face—Gervaise the elegant man about town as I had first seen him. I would always remember the look of triumph on his face when he had brought up Justin. He had gambled bis life and lost it but he had won in the end because his goal had been to save Justin, the man whom he despised as a cheat.
My thoughts were now centered on my baby which was the best thing that could happen to me.
I did not want to dwell on the past. I wanted to put all that behind me. I did not want to think of Ben and Lizzie. I did not want to remember how I might so easily have been unfaithful to Gervaise; I did not want to think of the disappointment and disillusion I had suffered from Gervaise. It was all over. The new life with the baby was about to begin.
One day when I was in the store Mrs. Bowles said to me: "I've arranged everything. We're going to have the rooms Mrs. Cartwright had when young Pedrek was born."
"What!" I said.
"Now ... now ... this is a time when you don't have to think at all.
You leave everything to me. I'm to have the room next to yours and we'll go there a week before the baby is due. It's all been fixed."
”I haven't fixed it, Mrs. Bowles."
"I have ... with Mr. Lansdon and Miss Lizzie. We're going to send for Dr. Field. He'll be staying for a night or two at the Hall. The first signs of the baby and Jacob will ride over to fetch him."
"I can't ... have all these arrangements made for me, Mrs. Bowles."
"Here. Don't you get into a fratchet. Not good for the little 'un ... that sort of thing. We don't want him poking his nose out to see what all the fuss is about do we ... not before we're ready for him."
"But I want to be in my own place."
"No place for a baby. What could have happened to Mrs. Cartwright, do you think ... if she hadn't been in the right place ... with the right people there on the spot?"
"I'm different."
"No, you're not. Women is all one and the same all the world over ... specially at times like this. Now you stop worrying. It's all fixed. Why, if you go on like this folks'll think you've got something against them there up at the Hall."
Then I realized that I had to give in—for the baby's sake as well as for "what folks would think."
I have to admit I did so with a certain relief. Morwenna had been extremely worried at the prospect of my having the baby here—and so had I.
I would forget from whom the hospitality came. After all, my child's life was more important than my pride.
My time was near. I was greatly looking forward to having my child. And soon we should be leaving. I longed for the time to pass.
I heard a good deal of talk about Morley's Mine. Presumably it was more productive than even had been thought in the first place. Ben had always been the most respected man in the town; now he assumed an almost godlike aura. He had found gold; he had contrived to make it his. It was something they all admired.
They knew, of course, that he had married Lizzie for it. Lizzie must have known, too. But as they were both satisfied with the bargain, I remarked to Morwenna, what did it matter what was the motive behind it?