I said-ignore my father. When he dies were going to build him a head-stone out of cracked bricks. Now lets get that shoe off while we can-
The DB winced as I removed his shoe amp; sock-then regarded his enlarged ankle with a kind of complacent pride. I was about to offer my not very expert opinion when he forestalled me-addressing his wife-something like this.
— look Mary-some typical subcutaneous swelling-the beginnings of what will doubtless be an extensive ecchymosis-tarsal movement restricted but still possible with moderate to acute pain-a strain I would say-certainly no worse than a sprain. Thank heaven I have always mended quickly. What a laugh they will have at home when they ask how I hurt myself- amp; we tell them I did it looking for a healer!-
This odd bit of self-diagnosis-with its odder conclusion-confirmed dads suspicion he was dealing with a particularly daft DB- amp; he burst out-what the hell were you playing at? This is a country lane not a public racetrack!-
Parker replied-youre right of course. But I didnt anticipate even someone as unworldly as a healer would let his driveway fall into such bad repair-
— its worse than bad-its dangerous! — chimed in his wife-The man should be taken to court for letting it get into that condition. How does he expect people to get anywhere near his house?-
amp; George put his large foot in it by saying with a grin-aye-theres not many get past dads tank trap-
The woman looked at him suspiciously-while dad gave him one of his shut-your-gob glares-then changed the subject by demanding-house? — What house?-
— Mr Godleys house. There-said Parker.
He pointed up the hillside toward the ruins. From below-the alders in full leaf-that one bit of wall still standing does look like there might be a whole building behind.
— you mean the old mill? Well you could have saved yourself the bother-declared dad-Nowt to be seen up there-all the machinery were taken out twenty years ago-you can see some of it along at the Dales Museum-if youve got time to waste. As for the building-roofs fallen in amp; most of the walls. Id have knocked the rest down years back only some daft bugger got a conservation order put on it-
— but that cant be right-protested the man-darling pass me the magazine-
The woman dived into her bag amp; produced a copy of Mid-Yorkshire Life. It was folded open at a short peice entitled “Healing Hands”-with a pic of a slightly embarrassed bearded guy holding up what were presumably the hands in question. His name-thisll make you laugh-was Gordon Godley!
— look-said Mr Parker triumphantly-its got the address quite clearly here. The Old Mill-Willingdene. Seeing the village signposted as we drove back from Harrogate-a sadly unproductive visit-once it may have been a serious spa town but now it has given itself over almost completely to commerce amp; frivolity-I naturally diverted amp; inquired of a young lad the way to the Old Mill. He gave me most precise directions which brought me here. Are you now telling me that is not the Old Mill?-
Im giving you Tom Parker verbatim-else youd miss the flavor. Its like listening to an old-fashioned book come to life!
Dad smiled. You know how much he enjoys putting daft buggers right.
— it were once a mill right enough- amp; its certainly old. But theres not been anybody living there for half a century or more amp; Ill tell you why. This here is Willingden-just the one e. Willingdene is way up at the northern end of the dale-
If hed been a footie player-hed have set off running round the meadow-whirling his shirt over his head! He just loves winning-no matter who gets beaten. Remember those games of snap we used to play?
Mr Parker seemed more cast down by this news than by his sprained ankle.
— Im sorry my dear-he said to his wife-I should have taken more notice-
Taking all the blame on himself again-even though she was the one with the mag article. Nice-I thought. His reward was her continued terrierlike support.
— it makes no difference-she said-this is marked on the map as a public right of way amp; someone ought to keep it in a proper condition-
— Charley-said dad quickly-whats the verdict on that ankle?-
I couldnt see any point in disagreeing with the patient.
— I think Mr Parkers right amp; its just a sprain-I said-a cold compress will help amp; he certainly shouldnt put any wieght on it-
How was that Nurse Heywood?
— right-said dad-Charley bring the quad-lets get Mr amp; Mrs Parker down to the house-make them a bit more comfortable. George-you stop here amp; get the car pulled out of that mud. Clean it up amp; check for damage. Ill get on my mobile-tell your mother to put the kettle on-Im sure these good people are ready for a nice cup of tea-
I caught his eye amp; let my jaw drop in mock astonishment at this transformation from dedicated xenophobe to Good Samaritan.
He actually blushed! Then he gave me a sheepish grin that invited my complicity.
I grinned back amp; headed off toward the quad.
Hes not such a bad old sod really-is he? As long as he gets his own way. Bit like you! All right- amp; like me too. The fruit doesnt fall far from the tree. But you led the way. If you hadnt stood up to him amp; gone off to nurse-I doubt Id have had the nerve to hold out to go to uni amp; do psychology- amp; now after 3 years-whenever he gets close to driving me mad-I try to think of him as a case study!
But Ive still not told you how the Parkers came to be houseguests.
Thing was-when G pulled their car out of the tank trap-he found it wouldnt steer properly. Winstons garage said they could fix it-but theyd have to send away for a part. Tomorrow-they said-but knowing Winstons Im not holding my breath.
When Parker heard this he said-thats fine. No problem whatsoever. Perhaps-Mr. Heywood-you could give me the number of the inn I saw in the village? — It looked a comfortable sort of place for us to rest in till the cars ready-
I could see the thoughts running through dads head like hed got a display screen on his brow. Being the most litigious man in the county-in Parkers place hed have been thinking compensation soon as his car hit the tank trap. Locally his views on daft buggers are well known- amp; he even boasts about his various stratagems for discouraging them. But these days-with tourism rated higher than farming in the rural economy-not everyone approves of him- amp; the enthusiastic gossips of the Nags Head bar would leave the Parkers in no doubt who to blame for their “accident”!
So I wasnt too surprised when I heard him say-Nags Head? — aye-its well enough. But the floors are uneven-stairs narrow-not at all what a man in your state needs. No-youd best stay here. Ill get George to bring your bags up from the car-
The Parkers were overcome by dads generosity. So was mum-with amazement! — but she quickly recovered- amp; I gave dad a big wink- amp; got one back!
So there you are. We have houseguests- amp; its time to go down amp; have supper with them. Ill keep you posted on how the HB bears up under the strain.
Take care-dont catch anything I wouldnt catch- amp; if you fall in love with a big handsome black man-e me a pic of you amp; him- amp; Ill stick it in dads prayer book so hell see it for the first time at church on Sunday morning!
Lots amp; lots of love
Charley X
2
FROM: charley@whiffle.com
TO: cassie@natterjack.com
SUBJECT: sex-Sandytown- amp; psychology
Omigod Cass! I must be psychic! OK-you say hes not black-but teaky bronze. Same difference- amp; is that all over? I mean all all over? amp; hes a doc too-just like in mums Mills amp; Boon stories! Means youll probably have trouble with some slinkily gorgeous lady medic-wholl manage to get you blamed when she accidentally offs a patient-but dont worry-itll all come right in the end!