I definitely want a pic. Cross my heart I wont stick it in dads prayer book-not till you give the word! But can I tell mum? Shes desperate for grandkids. Adam amp; Kylie show no sign of producing-even if they did Oz is a hell of a long way off-can you imagine getting the HB on a plane to fly twelve thousand miles? Rod spends most of his time at sea- amp; we know what sailors are! She was desolate when I got back early from my camping trip with Liam amp; Sam amp; Dot- amp; told her it was all off-irreconcilable differences-which is what us psychs say to our mums when we catch ex-partner Liam banging ex-best-mate Dot up against a pine tree. So-unless you settle down amp; start calving-I think she may strap me to my bed- amp; get to work with an AI straw!
Your news makes my stuff about the Parkers seem v dull-but you say youre interested so here goes with the next installment.
As houseguests go-they havent! Winstons-as forecast-got let down by their suppliers-again! So 1 nights turned into 3. But its been OK. I like Mary Parker a lot. Doesnt say much around her husband-except in agreement with him-or defense of him! But-get her to herself amp; shes great.
Tom Parkers v different-thinks silence is for the grave amp; the living have a duty to resist!
His favorite topic-unless checked his only topic-is Sandytown-as advertised on the side of his car!
Remember Sandytown? I think that was the last Heywood family outing. Me 9 or 10-you 13-sea cold amp; gray-sand gritty-wind so strong it blew our windbreaks away- amp; Sandytown itself seemed to be shut! To cap it all-on the way back-George was sick- amp; that set me off- amp; soon we were all at it! Dad sang all the way home! After 3 years doing psychology I reckon I know why. He clearly saw the whole trip as a successful experiment in aversion therapy!
So when Tom Parker started rattling on about Sandytown at supper that first night-I didnt dare catch Georges eye.
Ill give it you verbatim again-really-this is how he talks!
— Sandytown! — he said-Beautiful Sandytown-the most lustrous pearl in the long necklace of the Yorkshire coast! You see Charlotte (fixing his eye on me-I think hes decided Im the intellectual epicenter of the Heywood family-or maybe he just likes my boobs!)-a new age of the English holiday is dawning. Compared with it-the old age-which died with the onset of cheap Mediterranean packages-will seem but a trial run. Two practical reasons for the change-global warming amp; global terrorism! We travel in fear amp; we travel in discomfort. We have our personal belongings- amp; indeed our persons-searched by hard-faced- amp; hard-fingered-strangers. We are prodded into line by armed police. We are forced to eat with implements which-lacking the rigidity necessary to be a threat to soft human flesh-cannot begin to cope with airline food. Nor can we feel safe on arrival. Tourists are everywhere regarded as a soft terrorist target-while global warming-exacerbated by the soaring emission levels of flight-has led to a dramatic increase in the incidence of natural disasters-floods-droughts-hurricanes-earthquakes-tsunamis-etc-
By now dad was regarding him with gobsmacked amazement-mum with polite interest-his wife with fond admiration- amp; the twins were choking back their giggles.
To me it was clear that Parker was reciting some kind of sales pitch-one made so often the record would run to its end unless interrupted.
So when he paused for breath I got in quick with-Why were you looking for a healer Tom?-
— a very perceptive question Charlotte-he replied smiling at me-to which my answer is-health! Let me explain. We live in a sick world-a world suffering from some deep-rooted wasting disease-of which terrorism amp; warming are but symptoms. To cure the whole we must start with the smallest part-the individual! The English seaside holiday originated in a search for recreation in the strictest sense. Pure ozone-enriched air to cleanse the lungs-surging salty water to refresh the skin amp; stimulate the circulation-peace amp; quiet to restore the troubled spirit-
Seeing he was getting back into his groove-I cut in again-Sounds to me like a healers the last thing you need!-
— A good point! — he cried with delight. (Its a great technique this-being delighted with everything anyone says!)-To understand the healer it is of course necessary to understand the history. Some 2 years ago-when Mid-Yorkshire Council began discussion of their Eastern Region Development Plan-naturally Lady Denham amp; myself took a keen interest in their proposals for the Sandytown area…
— whos Lady Denham? — I asked-reducing him to amazed silence- amp; dad-always glad to know something I dont-chipped in-This the Denhams of Denham Park?
— you know the family? — said Tom-delighted.
— know of them-grunted dad- amp; little good-bad landowners-worse landlords-thought theyd gone to the wall long since-
— in a sense they have-agreed Parker-but Lady Denham-now alas a widow for a second time-only bears the name through marriage. Her 2nd incidentally. Before that she was Mrs Hollis- amp; before that Miss Daphne Brereton-only daughter of the Breretons of Brereton Manor-Sandytowns premier family-well to do-highly respected. Money calls to money-place to place-that is my experience-though I do not suggest that love was absent when she caught the eye of Howard Hollis-
— Hollis? — Dad interrupted-Hog Hollis? — him as got et by his own pigs?-
I saw the twins perk up. Anything grisly really turns them on!
— indeed-there was a tragic accident-said Tom-You knew Mr Hollis?-
— met him a couple of times-said dad unenthusiastically-folk reckoned he kept his pigs in the sea his meat were so salty amp; watery! Made a fortune but he were a right miserable sod-only time he ever smiled was for yon photo on them Hollis’s Ham freezer packs you see all over the supermarkets- amp; that were probably wind!-
I caught mums eye amp; we shared a moment of speculation about when dad had last been inside a supermarket!
Tom said-he was certainly a man who-despite his great success-remained true to his roots. Perhaps it was the contrast offered by the more refined manners of Sir Henry Denham that made the widow look favorably upon his advances. Alas-fate is not sentimental- amp; within all too short a time Sir Henry was also brought low-
— et by the pigs too? — chimed in David hopefully.
Dad gave him a glower. He can say what he wants but he expects his kids to observe the conventions.
— a riding accident-said Tom- amp; while Daphne Breretons first marriage certainly left her with even more wealth than she brought to it-from her second-it is general knowledge-she derived little more than the respect due to an ancient name-
Pause for applause. Instead-Mary P gave a little gasp-maybe a repressed sneeze-echoed by dads openly incredulous snort.
Parker-unperturbed-went on-She amp; I-as principal landowners in the area-had already been planning to put Sandytown on the map long before the MYC proposals. She had led the way by being instrumental in bringing the Avalon Foundation to Sandytown. You have heard of Avalon-of course?-
This time me amp; dad both nodded. Hardly need to tell you what dad said!
— oh aye-we know all about the Avalon. When I read in the papers-a few years back-the Yanks were building a fancy clinic out on the coast-I said to our Cass-that ud be a grand place for you to work-them Yanks know how to pay nurses amp; you could get home in an hour-but it were like-
— banging my head against a brick wall! — chorused the twins-then collapsed in giggles.
Dad gave them a glower- amp; Tom Parker went rattling on.
— Lady Denham amp; I-in our private discussions-had preempted the councils conclusion that Sandytown was perfectly placed to take advantage of the changes in recreational climate-both meteorologically amp; intellectually speaking- amp; formed a loose alliance- amp; put 1 or 2 projects in train. But now we approached the councils development officer-who was rapidly persuaded by our projections of the increase in local employment- amp; of tourism-plus our plans for a measure of affordable housing-to join with us in the formation of the Sandytown Development Consortium-a true partnership between the public amp; private sectors-underpinned-through the good offices of my brother Sidney-by significant investment institutions in the City-