Couple of adults volunteered-including Miss Lee-her of the long needles! — amp; Teddy got in on the act-looking to win brownie points no doubt! He ushered the kids inside to get changed.
I went to take a look at the famous roasting machine-situated well away from the hall-presumably for safetys sake-hidden by a heavy rhododendron shrubbery on the house side- amp; protected seaward from the prevailing east wind by a mixed copse of pine amp; beech.
Ollie Hollis was there-looking a bit chastened-ie like hed been rolled on by an angry elephant-which is probably what being told off by Lady D feels like! But when I spoke to him kindly-he was happy to show off his machinery.
The roasting device itself isnt a spit but an ovoid metal basket into which the pig is fitted amp; which then revolves slowly over a long trench filled with burning charcoal. Its worked by a fine geared weight driven device-bit like a grandfather clock-takes Ollie about ten minutes to get the weight to its apogee-but then it will turn the basket for the next forty five minutes without human aid. The whole thing is on big metal wheels-running on rails-starting in a wooden hut with a tin roof-where its kept out of the weather. The ground slopes down from the hut-so its easy to get the basket in position- amp; theres a winch inside so it can be hauled back up. Ollie didnt seem keen to let me take a look-maybe hes got a woman in there, I thought! It was too hot to stand around the charcoal pit long-humid thundery weather-plenty of sunshine amp; blue sky but lots of big lurid clouds bubbling up eastward too-making me think I might get that big storm across the sea Id been hoping for-so I headed back to the lawn.
Got there just in time to see the beach party setting off-Ted looking v Greek Godish-all rippling brown muscle amp; curling black body hair (did the Gk gods have body hair?) amp; a pair of swimming trunks that left just enough to the imagination! I hoped hed have enough sense not to be tempted into skinny-dipping. One thing dropping your kegs in front of a mature young woman-thats me! — quite another in front of kids. These days youd get ten years-no questions asked.
Everyone was well scattered by now-some exploring the woodland walks-oldies on the lawn in garden chairs-councillors not straying far from the drinks table. Had a chat with Sandy G. Asked her how her neice was. Got that funny stare-then she said-oh shes fine-not sounding all that concerned. Maybe shed been glad to swap a pair of teens for Diana! No accounting for taste-as the HB likes to say.
Bumped into Esther-to my surprise I got another friendly smile-called me Charley- amp; insisted on making sure I got my bubbly topped up.
— Hello! — I thought. When the Ice Queen melts-get your flood defenses up!
Had to admit though-when she turns on the charm-youve got to remind yourself what shes really like! amp; of course she looked drop dead gorgeous in a skimpy top amp; organdy skirt. Not for her the Clara pallid look. Long golden limbs with no suggestion that the tan stops anywhere!
Then she reverted to type when Franny rolled his chair toward us-turned on her heel- amp; made off into the shrubbery.
— sorry-said Franny-didnt mean to break up your tete-a-tete-you two seemed to be getting on rather well-
— dont worry-I said-probably a mistake anyway-maybe someone told her I once screwed a guy whod screwed a girl whod screwed Prince Harry-
That made him chortle so much he almost fell out of his chair.
Kept on glimpsing Godly Gordon out of the corner of my eye-watching me-but whenever I turned he looked away! Finally I decided to go amp; ask him if my slip was showing or something-just to see him blush when I said slip! — only now-of course-he wasnt watching me but standing a little way off-at the edge of the shrubbery between the main lawn amp; the hog roast pit-having what looked like a furious row with Lady D- amp; I certainly wasnt going to get mixed up in that.
Soon it was clear the weather was definitely on the turn-wind getting up-clouds eating up the blue-hotter amp; more humid than ever. Mary-who had her two youngest in tow-began to get worried about Minnie amp; Paul on the beach. I said theyd be fine-Teddy was with them-but to set her mind at rest I offered to go amp; take a look.
At the top of the cliff path I met Esther again. She looked a bit disheveled amp; overheated-not at all like an Ice Queen- amp; this time I didnt think it was anything to do with me.
— Charley-she said-have you seen Teddy?-
— isnt he down on the beach? — I asked.
— no-Ive just looked there-
— shit! — the kids arent swimming by themselves-are they?-
— what? — no-theres someone with them-she said-tho I got the impression that they could have been carried off by a killer whale for all she cared!
She set off toward the lawn where everyone was heading toward the house-except for Franny-sitting there in his chair-a glass of bubbly in his hand-smiling at the great retreat. To my surprise Ess actually stopped amp; spoke to him.
I thought-the cow must be really keen to find Teddy if shes deigning to address the legless wonder!
I set off down the cliff path. Easy going at first-gentle descent along a track winding down through heather amp; clumps of rhododendrons-steepening eventually to a long ledge where there was a protective railing. One length of the wooden rail was tied to a metal upright with binder cord- amp; there was a handwritten notice saying-do not lean on the railing. Good job Mary didnt know about that! I thought.
It was here-I recalled from my visit to the beach-that the real exposure began- amp; a steep path zigzagged down the cliff face-with a handrail all the way.
I paused on the ledge amp; looked down to the beach-I could make out figures in the deepening gloom-children amp; a couple of adults who seemed to be rounding them up. I was going to carry on my descent when I heard a noise-coming from behind me I thought- amp; I looked back along the ledge amp; saw there was a sort of little track winding off it-climbing back above the shrub amp; vegetation line. The noise came again-very faint in the rising wind-but to my famous little sharp ears it sounded human-so just in case Minnie had decided to do a bit of exploring I went to take a look.
The track led to a particularly thick clump of rhodies. I pulled a few branches aside- amp; found myself looking into a sort of cave-more of a deep overhang really-but rendered dark amp; shady by the thick foliage.
Then out over the sea a huge jag of lightning split the horizon- amp; in its brief light I saw two figures in there.
One I recognized instantly-though I could only see his back. Those muscular thighs amp; bulging calves were unmistakably the hunky barts. The noise was coming from him-a kind of rhythmic groaning. He was lying on top of the other figure-also facedown. All I could see of her were the long white legs-sprawling wide-but that was enough. Lady D might think she could jerk Teddy amp; Clara around at will-but the fire in the blood had made short work of her bits of string! As I watched-his round pink buttocks (cant have done enough skinny-dipping to get them the rich russet of his legs amp; torso!)-from gently bobbing up amp; down like Halloween apples-went into overdrive- amp; the groans ceased to sound human!
Jesus! — I thought-first Liam up against that tree-now this-maybe Im fated every time I fancy a guy to catch him in flagrante!
Tho I knew the kids were safe I felt a bit pissed that Teds offer of supervision had just been a cover for this-not very logical I know-but I felt personally betrayed-so I tried to announce my presence with a loud cough! But it was drowned in a mighty clap of thunder- amp; in any case-from the noise Teddy was now making I dont think there was much risk of him noticing anything short of a kick up the backside!
As I made my way back along the ledge-the storm really broke loose-lightning-forked amp; sheet-played over the sea amp; the rising wind drove huge drops of rain into my face.