I feigned a headache and when Miriam came to see me I closed my eyes and turned away. The next day I saw Hannah who, I think, had been watching for me. “So you read it. Miss Jessica?” she said. I nodded. Tell me what happened afterwards. “
They found her in the stream. She was lying face downwards. The water was quite shallow. It just washed over her. “
“And they buried her there,” I said, pointing to the Waste Land.
“Reverend Grey was very strict about it. They don’t bury suicides in consecrated ground.”
“How cruel!” I cried.
“I’ll make it consecrated ground! She was good and meant no harm to anyone. I shall clear her grave and grow plants on it and keep them watered.”
“Best not. Miss.”
“Why not ? She was my mother.”
“I knew you’d take it bad. She wouldn’t have Wanted that. She wouldn’t have wanted you to know, if it was going to make trouble.”
Tell me exactly what happened, Hannah. “
They found her there and buried her quietly; That’s all. People didn’t speak of it . much. They said she’d always been different from the rest of the family. It was put about that she’d fallen in love and that he had gone away. Her heart was broken and she, being young, had thought there was nothing left to live for. I always put flowers on her grave at Easter time. “
Thank you, Hannah. Did anyone suspect I was her child? “
“If they did, it wasn’t said. It was accepted that you were an ” afterthought”. It happens that way sometimes, and Miss Jessica was drowned some time after your birth. It was a hot July day I remember.”
She turned away, her lips quivering. They’d only been home a few weeks so people said it was someone she’d met in Italy. It was the last day in July, and you were born on the first of June . so that tells how old you were . nothing but a baby, little knowing what your coming had cost. “
“How she must have suffered! You must have known my father. Tell me about him.”
“He seemed such a nice young gentleman. Tall, with a pleasant face. He was quite a favourite with Mr. Henniker at one time. Then of course he couldn’t say anything bad enough. I shall never forget the day…”
Tell me everything, Hannah, just everything. “
“It began like an ordinary sort of day. We took the hot water up to the guests, and one of the maids came down and said, ” Mr. Dereham’s not in his room. His bed’s not been slept in and all his things have gone. ” We said it couldn’t be, but it was, of course. And then Mr. Henniker found his precious opal was missing, and it seemed only natural that he’d taken it with him. “
“But it wasn’t so, Hannah. You know it wasn’t.”
That’s how your mother used to talk, but he was gone and so was the opal. “
“She knew he hadn’t taken it’ She was in love with him.”
She would never have fallen in love with a thief “Love don’t take account of such dungs.”
“I know it wasn’t true.”
There again . you’re talking just like your mother. I never thought she’d do it. I would have found some way of stopping her. She told me he’d come to her in a dream and said he loved her and he never would have left her in this life.
“Come to me,” he said in this dream.
“Come to me by the stream. Only death could keep me from you.” It was after that she made up her mind, I’m sure. She was certain he was dead. They would be together now. forever. “
“She should have lived to prove his innocence.”
“But she had these strange fancies and she thought he was calling her to come to him.”
“I wish I could find out the truth, Hannah, and discover what really happened to that opal.”
“Bless you. Miss, there has been them that’s tried to find it these many years. I reckon Mr. Henniker has never given up the search. And you think you’re going to be the one! You just don’t know anything about these things. You’ve only just learned how you came into the world!”
“But he’s my father. She’s my mother. Don’t you see that makes all the difference.”
Hannah shook her head sadly.
Although I could not talk to my family about the tragedy, I could do so to Ben, and at our next meeting I blurted out:
“I know about my mother and father and that you think he stole the Green Flash opal.”
We were in the drawing-room, he in his chair with his crutch propped up beside him. He did not speak for a few moments, and I saw that a great sadness had come to him.
There’s no one I can talk to about it but you,” I went on.
Who told you ? ” he asked.
I explained about the papers she had left for me.
He nodded.
“You knew?” I asked.
“I guessed. You’re so like her with your dark eyes and those thick lashes and well-marked brows, with your turned-up nose and your mouth which somehow says you’re going to laugh at life even at its worst. I could believe she was sitting there at this moment. You’re about the same age now as she was then, but she was more innocent of the world than you are, less able to look after herself.”
“Did you know about her and my father?”
“It was as clear as daylight.”
“And you were pleased … at first? You didn’t mind?”
It was the first time I had known him hesitate.
“It wasn’t for me to mind,” he said at length.
“I could see how it was with them from the moment they met. I thought he was a good honest young fellow… then.”
“He didn’t do it, you know, Ben.”
“What do you mean-he didn’t do it? He broke her heart, didn’t he? I’d kill him for that… yes, I would. ” You loved her, Ben,” I said.
He was thoughtful.
“I reckon you could say that. She was a pretty, dainty creature … and look at me-a rough old gouger.”
“You would have liked to many her yourself, Ben.”
That wouldn’t have been right. “
“If you had,” I reminded him, “I should have been your daughter.”
“That’s not a bad idea.”
“I’d have been different though. I wouldn’t have been a bit like myself.”
“Then it’s a mercy the tragedy was averted.” He was becoming his old self again, and I was finding comfort in talking to him.
“Yes,” he went on, “I loved her. She was like this house … you know what I mean. A bit remote from me. Something I could covet and want to possess. But it’s different with a woman … she’s not a house. I blame myself for not being here. If I had been, it wouldn’t have happened.”
“What would you have done, Ben ?”
“I would have married her. Perhaps she would have had me then.”
I ran to him and, putting my arms about him, hugged him.
“Oh, Ben, wouldn’t that have been wonderful ? We should all have lived here together and I should have escaped from the Dower House.”
He stroked my hair and said: "You’d have liked that, eh? “
“It would have been wonderful.”
“Well, it didn’t work out that way, did it? No, here we are and it’s no use looking back and saying ” if”. That’s what fools do. Yesterday has to be forgotten. It’s today that’s important because of tomorrow.
We got acquainted and we’re good friends. I’d say friendship’s a fine thing. “
I went back to my chair and said: Tell me your version of what happened. “
Tour mother came to Oakland. “Yes, I know, there was a party and she wore a cherry red dress.”