In the faint moonlight I saw the handle slowly turning.
There was a brief silence and then the sound of retreating footsteps.
I lay still, trembling, wondering what would have happened if the door had not been locked.
9.
TREASURE HUNT
For several days the bustle of preparation went on at Peacocks. The servants were absent-minded, giggling together.
“It’s always like this when the treasure hunt approaches,” Lilias told me.
She asked how I was getting on with the Company and I told her that I was growing more fascinated every day. I was tremendously interested in the processes and was thrilled when I saw colours emerging.
“I dare say you see a great deal of Jeremy Dickson,” she said.
“He happens to be in charge of the side which interests me , most.”
She looked a little mournful and like her mother, as though she were afraid of betraying something. I wondered whether their attitude had something to do with their living with the family and yet not quite being of it. Rather like poor relations, I thought; but in this case there was never any attempt to treat them as such. Joss was the same in his manner towards them as he was to me. In fact, I thought ruefully, perhaps a little more considerate.
I was trying not to think of him, but I couldn’t help it. Every time I heard his voice I felt excited, eager to hear what he had to say.
When he rode out I wondered whether he was going to Isa, how they were together. I wondered about Ezra and whether he was afraid of Joss in some way. Everyone was afraid of Joss. Once when I had remarked that everyone seemed to hold him in great respect he had retorted:
They’d better, hadn’t they? They depend on me for the jobs. “
“On me too, perhaps,” I suggested.
“You’re going to be someone to reckon with,” he replied. Don’t mock.”
“Mock,” he cried.
“I’m in deadly earnest I remembered the things he said so vividly.
Ezra was a skilled man but he was not a big shareholder in the enterprise. If he displeased Joss he could be asked to go. Did pleasing Joss extend as far as turning a blind eye on his affairs with his wife?
I couldn’t believe that. I thought of his affection for Wattle and hers for him. A man who was so beloved by his horses a and dogs too I had discovered-could not so degrade him self. But who could say? There were so many facets to all our characters.
And there was something overpowering about Joss. Perhaps people behaved differently with him. I wished I could stop thinking of him.
I had learned that he did not like my being in the company of Jeremy Dickson. He did not say so and I longed for him to, but he somehow implied it.
On some mornings I rode into the town with Jimson Laud as my companion, for I would arrive down to find that Joss had already left. I would pretend to be quite pleased at the prospect although I found Jimson like his mother and sister -strangely indeterminate.
He would talk to me about bookkeeping, which he had taken over from Tom Paling who had apparently run everything in a most primitive way.
I supposed I should have to learn something about bookkeeping some time, but I was too fascinated by the active side to feel any great interest.
Sometimes I would be overcome with amazement to think that Ben had given me a major share in this thriving Company and I used to fancy that he was beside me, urging me on. I could hear his voice coming back to me often, his racy conversation was something I would never forget. He had loved opals and he had wanted me to do the same. He had loved my mother and thought of me as his daughter, I believed, so he had loved me too. He had admired Joss . the son who had been all he wanted his son to be. That was adventurous, hard, ruthless, not too scrupulous-a man of this land and his times. And he had forced us into this marriage. Why? He was a wise man and he had loved me dearly. He had wanted to rescue me from the Dower House. Had he known me so well that he had had a premonition that before the year was out I should be in love with Joss?
Had he known of Joss’s infatuation for Isa? I did not think Ben would have liked Isa very much. Perhaps he had wanted to break that connection by giving Joss a young wife.
Ben had loved me and perhaps he thought that because he did, others must too. How wrong he had been! No one had ever really loved me except Ben. My mind went back to the days in church when I had asked Miriam about the she-bear. How could my mother’s love cease when it had never existed? I had asked. A tragic question on the lips of a child. But then the woman whom I had thought was my mother was not after all. My real mother had loved me, but not enough to live for me.
I longed to be loved as Isa was loved; and I knew then how happy I should have been if my marriage had turned out differently, if we had grown to know each other and Joss had in due course fallen in love with me as I had with him.
It was the night of the treasure hunt. Thousands of candles blazed throughout the house, for the party started at sundown.
I thought how romantic it looked and how excited I should have been to have shared such a house with a husband who i’ loved me.
Lilias came to my room while I was dressing to see, she said, if I needed any help.
“Why, your dress is beautiful,” she cried. It was another of the shade of peacock blue which strangely enough I had always loved. I had been allowed to choose my own materials which I had thought a great concession at the time, but now when I considered all I had brought my family, I understood why I had been shown this clemency. I had not adhered closely to fashion because the mode of the day was not, I considered, very becoming. I had been wise in this for fashions meant little out here. So I had gone back to an earlier and more charming age, and my skirt resembled, though not quite, a crinoline. It billowed out in tiers of chiffon and my bodice was dose fitting, falling off the shoulders in an elegant austerity which made a contrast to the skirt.
Lilias herself looked pretty in a modest gown of pale grey silk embroidered with pink moss roses which she had admitted she had worked herself.
“I wondered if you needed any help with your hair.” she said. a I had piled my thick dark hair high on my head-again defying fashion and going back to an even earlier age than the style of the dress.
“I’ve always done it myself.”
“I’m sure you’ll be much admired. I’ve never seen such beautiful clothes as yours except Isa Bannock’s.”
“Of course,” I answered. “She has her materials sent out from England. I wonder what she’ll look like tonight. You know we choose our partners for the treasure hunt. Ifs a tradition. Mr. Henniker used to say:
“This is the night the ladies choose.”
The prospect excited me. I would choose him, I promised myself. Perhaps it would be a start. To be fair, I had to admit that the unsatisfactory state of our relationship was t, to a large extent due to me, so perhaps it was for me to set the pace. I remembered the first days of our marriage. It was not he who had then suggested separate rooms. But I was glad that I had for I did not want a makeshift marriage. I wanted to be the one in his life.
He would have to abandon Isa and his philanderings.
Lilias was saying timidly: “I thought I’d ask Mr. Dickson, unless of course…”
I looked surprised and she went on quietly: “Unless you wanted to ask him.”
“I hadn’t thought of it,” I replied and she looked relieved.
The door opened and Joss came in. He looked magnificent. He, too, wore the shade of peacock blue almost identical with mine. It was a velvet dinner jacket and he wore white ruffles at his neck and the edge of his cuffs. He looked even taller than usual and the blue jacket brought out vividly the blue of his eyes.