He had worn it next to his heart since the day when Rosalynd's silhouette had been fashioned into a miniature—and he had never dared look upon it since he had lost her. He drew it out slowly, tenderly. For a brief moment he held it tight in his hand, fighting the flood of images, then snapped it open.
Her likeness: Rosalynd. In black crêpe paper, now a little crinkled. He held the trinket reverently, trying to relive the time when it had been new. The cheap gilt finish had now worn through to the bright steel at the edges and in places there were specks of rust, but no matter. What he held in his hands was Rosalynd, his sweetheart.
He gulped as his eyes misted, but another thought intruded, growing in strength and insistence. This was not Rosalynd. It was merely her likeness. It was tarnishing and fading and would eventually disintegrate. It was not her: she no longer existed in this world—except in his memory, and there she would never fade.
He knew then what he had to do. He crossed to the stern windows, opened the centre one and swung it wide. Outside there was impenetrable blackness but with it the clean tang of salt, seaweed and waves soughing mournfully against "Teazer's counter. With only a brief hesitation he hurled the locket into the night.
It was done. With the act came a feeling of release; lovers separated by distance would eventually meet again, but when separated by time they would not. Rosalynd was of the past. There was now no need for any elaborate personal defences: she was safely preserved in his memory, and he had his duties to his present existence. Renzi had been right but it had taken the threat of mutiny to bring him to—
Mutiny! The reality flooded in and his mind snapped to full alertness. He did not fear a bloody uprising so much as the certainty that the moment an order was disobeyed, a scornful or threatening word uttered, nothing short of a court-martial and a noose at the yardarm would satisfy an Admiralty sensitive to the slightest evidence of disaffection or rebellion in the fleet. Long after the corpses were cut down Teazer would bear the stain of dishonour—and it would be entirely the fault of her captain.
It demanded action—and quickly. What should he do? Order the marines to stand to, heading off any moves now under way? Wake Standish and have him, with the warrant officers, armed and aft? This would stop any mutiny in its tracks but would immediately throw the ship into two camps set implacably against each other.
He couldn't do it. He would lose any regard that still remained in his men and that was too great a price to pay. Then what? Do nothing? That was not possible. Instead he would appeal directly to them. On a personal level, but not as a supplicant: as their captain. And not on the quarterdeck in the usual way . . .
His servant Tysoe had taken to keeping out of the way so Kydd went to his sleeping cabin and there found his full dress coat with its Nile medals and pulled it on. Clapping on his gold-laced cocked hat he made his way in the darkness to the hatchway.
As he descended he could hear the usual babble of talk and guffaws issuing from the mess-deck; it was a strong custom of the Service that the captain would never intrude on the men in their own territory in their own time, still less do so without warning— but this was no idle visit.
His appearance at the foot of the ladder was met with an astonished silence, men twisting at their tables and the nearest scrabbling to distance themselves. The stench of so many bodies in the confined space, with the reek of rush dips guttering in their dishes, caught Kydd at the back of the throat: it had been long since he had endured these conditions, inescapable as they were for sailors in a small ship-of-war.
Standing legs a-brace, he placed his hat firmly under his arm and faced them. He said nothing, his hard gaze holding first one, then another. The dim light picked up the gold lacing of his uniform, and when he spoke, he had their entire attention.
"Teazers!" he began. "I won't keep you f'r long. Now, one of y'r number came aft t' see me, thought fit t' lay an information afore me as was necessary f'r me t' know."
Furtive glances were thrown and there were awkward shuffles: was there a spy in their midst, bearing tales to the quarterdeck?
"He was right t' do so. F'r what he said was concernin' y'r own captain. He said t' me that there's those who'd believe I'm not sailin' square wi' ye since I had m' sad loss—that I'm toppin' it th' tyrant t' no account." He paused: apart from the lazy creaking of a ship at anchor there was utter stillness.
"This I'll say to ye. I took aboard all that was said, an' have considered it well. An' my conclusion is, if there's anything that stands athwart "Teazer's bows in bein' the finest fightin' ship in the Navy then, s' help me, I won't rest until I've done something about it. I'll not see m' men discontented, an' I won't, y' have m' word on't."
In the flickering light of 'tween decks it was difficult to make out expressions but the silence told its own story. "I give ye this promise: at th' end o' the month, any man wants t' ship out o' Teazer c'n shift his berth to another. An' that same day, needs o' the Service permittin'. Thank 'ee—an' good night."
He made his exit. Behind him the silence dissolved into a chaos of talk. About to mount the companionway he hesitated, then turned to a tiny cabin and knocked. Renzi appeared and regarded him. In a low voice Kydd said, "I'd be obliged, Nicholas, should ye sup wi' me tonight. There's some things I need t' get off m' chest."
It wasn't until well into the second bottle of wine that Renzi allowed himself to thaw and listen courteously to Kydd's earnest explanations. "Nicholas, all I could see then was that if'n I wanted t' keep from hurtin' all I needed was t' lay hold on duty an' be damned t' all else!"
"Duty taken at its widest interpretation, I'd hazard," Renzi said drily. "To include a zeal touching on engagement with the King's enemies that's a caution to us all." He looked across at Kydd. "Tell me, my friend—for it's a matter much discussed below—was it an unholy passion to prevail or the baser impulse to suicide that had you throw Teazer across the harbour mouth? Do tell. If I might remind you, it did not seem you were of a mind to communicate your motives at the time."
"Why, nothing as can't be explained wi' a bit o' logic," said Kydd, smugly. "It was a fine piece o' reasonin' by their captain, t' take the gunboats out as they did, an' place 'em out o' reach—so I had t' find a way t' call him off. An' I thought o' you, Nicholas. You always say as how I'm overborne by logic, so I set th' French wi' a puzzle.
"Th' duty o' the gunboats was to defend th' port an' its craft. They see Cerberus an' think t' take her. All I did was remind 'em of their duty. I made a sally at th' harbour as made them tremble f'r its safety. They then have t' make up their mind which is th' higher call on their duty, and . . ."
"Bravo! A cool and reasoned decision worthy of Nelson!" There had clearly been no impairment of Kydd's judgement in his time of madness, and there was every reason to hope for a full restoring of the man that lay beneath.
"On quite another matter, brother," Renzi began lightly, "do I see a brightening of spirit, as it were, a routing of melancholia, perhaps?"
"Aye, Nicholas, y' do. It's been . . . hard." He dropped his eyes.
Renzi noticed the tightly clenched fists; the madness was over but the hurt would remain for some time and he longed to reach out. "Ah, you will probably not be interested at this time, but that sainted ethical hedonist Jeremy Bentham did once devise an algorithm for the computing of happiness, the felicific calculus, which I have oft-times made use of in the approaching of vexed decisions in life. And I'm bound to admit this day, to my eternal shame, that by its calculations it would seem you were right in placing aside the admiral's daughter in favour of . . . of the other . . ."