“I’m sorry,” Penny muttered. “But I don’t really see What differ—”
“Dirty underwear, you stand! Those are the rules!”
“Why?” Penny wanted to know. “Why is that a rule?”
“Hygiene!”
“You’re hung up on that word!” Penny flared up.
“Hygiene is very important. It’s the basis for civilization; it’s the basis for all human relations. Without hygiene, where would we be?”
“I give up. Where?”
“Wallowing in filth. That’s where. And sloppy physical hygiene makes for sloppy mental hygiene. Don’t forget that.”
“I’ll remember,” Penny promised. “Did you change your underwear this morning?”
“I don’t wear underwear.”
“Why not?” Penny wanted to know.
“None of your business! I’ll ask the questions. Let’s remember who the analyst is here!”
“You sure are well-named!” Penny told him. “You’re a real Hitler. You remind me of my mother.”
“Of course I’m a real Hitler. The way things are today, do you think I’d pretend to be a Hitler if I wasn’t a Hitler? I remind you of your mother?”
“Yeah.”
“Is your mother a Hitler? Or is that just an inversion? Are you trying to sneak in some hostility toward me?” Dr. Hitler asked suspiciously. “Are you really trying to say Hitler is a mother?”
“Well, half a word’s better than none.”
“Aha! I thought so! You are being aggressive!”
“Can I please sit down?” Penny asked. “I’ve been on my feet all night.”
“Nein!” Dr. Hitler roared. “If you can’t change your underwear, you stand! Hygiene!”
“Maybe I could just curl up on the rug?”
“Oh, all right,” Dr. Hitler relented.
Penny sat down on the carpet.
“Comfy?” Dr. Hitler asked.
“Uh-huh.”
“All right. Relax. Just say anything that comes into your mind.”
“I’m wondering why you don’t wear underwear,” Penny said truthfully.
“It always binds me in the crotch, that’s why. I happen to be extremely large in that area,” Dr. Hitler said smugly.
“I see.”
“How does that make you feel? Does it make you feel inferior? Does it threaten your masculinity?” Dr. Hitler’s voice had just the hint of an undertone of malice in it.
Penny ignored the questions. “Not wearing underwear; that’s not very good hygiene.”
“That’s your opinion. And I can tell you as a professional, it’s all in your mind. It’s not a valid judgment.”
“One man’s hygiene is another man’s hangup,” Penny observed.
“Aha! That’s your way of obliquely leading into the subject of last night. But why do you have to be so sneaky? Why can’t you come out and say it directly?”
“Okay. I’ll say it directly. What were you doing in my wife’s bedroom?”
“Your ex-wife,” Dr. Hitler reminded Penny.
“All right. My ex-wife. What were you doing there?”
“What do you think I was doing there?” Dr. Hitler countered.
“Well, you couldn’t have been checking the gas meter. That would be in the kitchen, not the bedroom,” Penny told him sarcastically.
“Don’t get fresh! Your hostility’s only a coverup. Tell me to my face what you think I was doing there.”
“How can I tell you to your face when you’re sitting behind me?”
“Crane your neck. Now, stop being evasive.”
“All right then. I think you were making it with her and when I got there, you ducked into the bedroom. There’s only one thing I don’t understand -”
“Hold off on that for a minute.” Dr. Hitler chuckled. The chuckle had a wee touch of sadism in it. “Think about the possibility of my making it with your ex-wife for a minute. Knowing about my superior genitalia, how does that make you feel?”
“Your superior genitalia? How would I know about that?”
“I told you before.” Dr. Hitler was irritated. “Pay attention.”
“Overlarge genitalia,” Penny mused. “No wonder you’re so hung up on hygiene.”
“It’s a big problem,” Dr. Hitler admitted.
“Quit bragging.”
“It does make you feel inferior, doesn’t it? The idea of my being so big and making it with your ex-wife. That really grabs you, doesn’t it? That really threatens your masculinity at gut-level.”
“Even lower,” Penny granted.
“Suppose I told you I wasn’t making it with her. Would that reassure you?”
“If you weren’t, then what were you doing there in the middle of the night?”
“Hasn’t it occurred to you that I might have been there in your interests? I know you find it hard to believe that my concern for you is genuine, but isn’t it possible that I went to see your ex-wife to get some of the background of your problem so that I’d be better able to help you?”
“Wow! Are you ever dedicated!”
“Well, truthfully,” Dr. Hitler confided with another chuckle, “she isn’t hard to take.”
“You can say that again. Just drop a hat.”
“She isn’t hard to take.”
“You said that.”
“And you said to say it again. Why are you throwing up smokescreens?” Dr. Hitler wanted to know. “Let’s get down to the en-gee.”
“The what?”
“The en-gee. The nitty-gritty. You said before there was something you didn’t understand. What was that?”
“Just that I don’t see why you kept popping out of the bedroom while I was there. Why did you do that?”
“Hygiene.”
“That’s what you said every time you popped out. Why did you say that?”
“I said it for the same reason that I kept coming out to check on you. You see, it was obvious to me that the only way to communicate with a woman like your ex-wife was the way you were communicating with her. Now, it was necessary for me to communicate with her if I was going to help you. You do see that, don’t you?”
“I’m touched. Is there no limit to the sacrifices you make for your patients?”
“Of course not. That’s part of the transference. If you’re a parent figure, then you have to sacrifice for your children, don’t you? I mean, what else is a parent figure for?” Dr. Hitler let the import of the question sink in for a moment, and then continued. “Now, knowing that I was going to have to—-ahh-—communicate with her, naturally I wanted to run as little risk as possible. So, naturally, I was concerned with the hygienic procedures of my immediate predecessor. That’s why I appeared periodically to remind both of you about hygiene.”
“Are you implying that my ex-wife could be unhygienic?” Penny was indignant.
“Why did you divorce her?”
“Because she was making it with other men all over creation.” It was an educated guess on Penny’s part, but it had the ring of truth.
“Well, I wouldn’t call that hygienic.”
“You wouldn’t? You know, for an analyst, you have quite a problem.”
“Let’s get back to why you find me so threatening.” Dr. Hitler ducked Penny’s accusation. “Tell me, what else threatens your masculinity?”
“Just about everything,” Penny replied truthfully.
“Why do you have such doubts about your manhood?”
“You’d never in a million years believe why!”
“Do you like girls?” Dr. Hitler tried another tack. Penny sensed that this might be the looked-for opening. If Dr. Hitler could be prodded into a discussion of Pennington P. Potter’s involvement with various women, then such a discussion might bring to light the woman responsible for Potter’s fate. Now Penny began framing answers very carefully, trying to phrase them so that Dr. Hitler would be prompted into revealing something pertinent about the women in Potter’s life. “I’ve told you how I feel about girls,” Penny replied. “Haven’t I?”