I was relieved when the ceremony was over and Edward had come through without any signs of great exhaustion. We walked from the minster, our crowns on our heads, with our son, now Prince of Wales, beside us, and the shouts of the crowd were deafening.
I wished that we could have lingered at York, but despatches were coming from London. There was a certain restiveness in the capital. What was the king doing in the north was being asked? He was not merely lord of the north now; he was King of England. Rumours started that he was so enamoured of Yorkshire that he had had a second coronation there.
"One should always take heed of the people," said Richard.
"I shall have to leave for the south. Our son should go with us."
"Richard." I said.
"Have you noticed how these ceremonies are tiring him?"
Richard nodded sadly.
"I am deeply aware of it, Anne." he said.
"Will he ever grow out of this weakness?"
"You were not very strong as a boy." I reminded him.
"And yet now you are as strong as any man."
Ts his some internal weakness?" He looked at me and, for the first time, I felt there was a hint of ... well... not exactly blame ... but was it criticism? Edward's weakness came through me. Was he implying that? Perhaps I was too sensitive. Perhaps I imagined what was not there. But I did fancy I read thoughts flashing through his mind. How could the great Warwick have produced such a weakling? Isabel had died. No one believed she had been poisoned by Ankarette Twynyho. She had died of her weakness, but although two of her children had also died, she had still been able to produce two healthy ones. I had been unable to do even that. My only child, the Prince of Wales, was a weakling. And over all these years I had shown no sign of further fertility. I was no use to him ... as a queen ... as a wife.
This was unfair, of course. Richard had always been tender and understanding ... a faithful husband. But the seed was sewn and the terrible doubt would live on in my mind. The fault was in me. I could bear only one weak child, and I was therefore unfitted to be the wife of a king. Passionately Richard longed for children ... sons. For all the venom she had aroused, Elizabeth Woodville had fulfilled her duties as a queen and had produced a healthy brood for Edward.
I was very unhappy.
Richard, sensitive to my sadness, put an arm round me.
"We will take care of him, Anne. We will restore him to health. Tis true, I was a poor thing in my youth. I did not have the right frame for all that heavy armour. I used to hide my weakness just as Edward does. He has no need to do that from us. We understand. We must make life easier for him. Yes ... when he is older, he will grow out of his weakness, even as I did."
I shook off my foreboding. I would pray as never before that I might be fertile.
"Richard," I said.
"He cannot make the journey to London."
"We should all be together. It is what the people expect."
"But after this exhaustion, he needs a long rest. He needs care. He needs freedom from strain. He needs tender nursing."
"So he must go back to Middleham?"
"Yes, Richard, and I must go with him."
"But ... you should be with me. You have just been crowned queen."
"I want to go with you, Richard."
"I think you, too, find the ceremonies exhausting."
"No ... no. I get a little tired. I think everyone does. But I am thinking of that special care which only his mother can give him."
Richard stared blankly ahead of him.
I cannot do this, I was thinking. And then: but I must. I should be with Richard, but my son needs me more.
"You think you must go with Edward then?" said Richard slowly.
"I do."
"And you could not leave him to the care of others?"
"I know I should be with you. The people will expect it. There will be rumours."
"Rumours? I shall know how to deal with rumours."
"It is hard for me. I want to be with you. I want to be all that you would wish me to be. I love you, Richard. I have since those days at Middleham, but this is our son."
"I understand," he said.
"He needs you more than I do. If you come with me you will be unhappy thinking of him."
"And if I am with him, I shall be thinking of you ... wanting to be with you."
"It is a situation in which there is no true satisfaction. Life is often like that, Anne."
"I want you to understand, Richard. My heart will be with you."
"And if you were with me it would be with Edward. I see how you feel and I think you are right. Edward has the greater need."
I went to him and put my arms about him. He kissed my hair.
"Very soon," he said, "the day after tomorrow mayhap, I must leave for London and you will go back to Middleham with our son."
Edward and I left York and I insisted that he ride in a chariot. I rode with him, for, as I said to him, I was glad to be carried. I had found the ceremonies very tiring. He looked pleased and I thought what a common trait in the human character it was to find pleasure in the fact that other people suffer from the same weaknesses as we do ourselves.
From then I would get my son to rest by complaining of my own tiredness.
With us rode Edward's cousin, young Warwick. As I watched him I wished that my Edward had his strength. Not that Warwick was all I should have looked for in a son. I was sure that my Edward had the better mind.
I think Isabel's son would have liked to come with us to Middleham, for he and I became good friends and he liked to listen to accounts of my childhood which I had spent with his mother.
How sad it was, I thought, for a child not to remember his mother and very little of his father.
So I told him how beautiful Isabel had been, how merry, how excited when she had known he was coming into the world, and his sister Margaret also. I was not sure where Margaret was at this .time. I supposed she was being brought up in some noble household and I thought what a pity it was that brother and sister had to be parted, and could not enjoy their childhood together as Isabel and I had.
I was sad when I had to leave young Warwick behind at Sheriff Button. His cousin John, Earl of Lincoln, who was the son of Richard's sister Elizabeth, Duchess of Suffolk, was in residencethere and Warwick was put in his care. We had an enjoyable stay and I was relieved to feel that Warwick would be happy there. We should be able to visit each other, I told him; and that seemed to please him. Then my son and I travelled the short distance to Middleham.
In spite of leaving Richard, I could not help a feeling of pleasure at being in the home I loved. As soon as we arrived, I took my son to his bedchamber and insisted on his retiring at once. He was very glad to do so.
I lay on his bed with him; we were contented with our arms about each other. I had made it clear that there was to be no ceremony between us. We were going to forget that I was the queen and he Prince of Wales. I was just his mother and he was my little boy.
For the next weeks I gave myself up to him entirely. I was with him all the day. I watched over his meals, and if I thought he was a little weary, I insisted on his taking them in his bedchamber. There we would eat together.
I have the greatest satisfaction in remembering that my son was happier during that time than at any other.
And what was so heartening was that his health began to improve.
If Richard could have been with us, I think I should have been completely happy. I was the best remedy Edward could have. My loving care was better than any physician.