“Why should I? How do I know what other schemes you have. I think Amaryllis should know how her money is being used. I think my family should know. After all, you are a member of that family now.”
“But nobody must be allowed to bring disgrace on the family.”
“You already have. It was an ill day when you came into it.”
“We all have our weaknesses. You too, Jessica. This is going to be our little secret.”
“You presume too much.”
“I have justification. Let the one who is without sin cast the first stone.”
I was silent. A terrible fear was beginning to grip me.
“You certainly, my dear Jessica, are not without sin. What of this passionate love affair with the fascinating Sir Jake?”
I felt myself flushing hotly. I stammered: “What… what do you mean?”
“I have been frank with you. You must be with me. Do you think I don’t know what is going on? You and the handsome gentleman are lovers, are you not? You visit his house … alone. You spend several hours there. You see, Jessica, it ill behooves any of us to pass judgment on the rest of us.”
I could see his smiling face through a haze of wretchedness. My secret was in the hands of this evil man.
“Sit down,” he said. “You’ve had a shock. I was aware some time ago of the feeling between you. You couldn’t disguise it from me. You have the glow of love upon you, Jessica. Oh, I thought, I must be watchful of this. I am always eager for scraps of information. One never knows how useful they will be. And now here is this. One of my people has been set to watch you.”
“You mean I’ve been followed!”
“To and from the little love nest. Naughty Jessica! But understandable, of course. I’m not blaming you and I shall keep your secret… as long as you keep mine.”
“And if I don’t?”
“It would be rather sad for that kind husband of yours to know that when his wife comes to London it is to be with her lover. You would not want that?”
I was silent. I felt as though the walls of the room were closing in on me. I wanted to shout out to him to go away. He terrified me. He had changed a little. His face had become evil. He was like someone who had removed the mask he had been wearing and now showed himself for what he really was.
He was smiling at me cynically, sardonically, horribly.
“That’s our little bargain,” he said. “You don’t tell on me and I don’t tell on you.”
He came close to me, took my arm and brought his face near to mine. “Remember,” he said. “One word from you and I shall go straight to your husband and tell him of those jolly little occasions in Blore Street. Do you understand, Jessica?”
I nodded dumbly. Then I wrenched myself away and ran from the room.
Suicide or Murder?
I WAS BACK AT Grasslands. I had not had a moment’s peace since that interview with Peter Lansdon. I saw Jake only once before we returned. I dared not tell him what had happened for fear of what action he would take. It was blackmail of a sort. I was as guilty as Peter himself. If he were blackmailing me I was blackmailing him.
I had a notion that Jake might welcome the exposure. Jake was the sort of man who hated inaction. Patience was not one of his virtues. I knew that he was capable of reckless action as he had shown when he had run off and joined the gypsies, when he had dashed in and killed the man who would have ravished Leah. He would have said: “Let him talk. He should be exposed for what he is—and we’ll take the consequences.”
Those consequences, he would believe, might well result in our being together. I wanted to be with Jake forever. I wanted a permanent union. I wanted a home with him; I wanted his children. But I could not hurt Edward. I could not disturb his world in which I knew I was more important than anything. He would have his comforts, the attentions of James, Toby and Clare. But it was my presence which made it possible for him to endure the life into which misfortune had thrust him.
I could never be completely happy if I hurt Edward.
So I could not tell Jake. But what had happened could not fail to have an effect on me; and he knew that something was wrong.
I left him frustrated and uneasy.
Peter Lansdon had returned to Enderby before we arrived home. He had already told his story and I had to admit he made it sound plausible enough. He mentioned what a great pleasure it was to him to be able to put right this little difference between my father and Jonathan.
The great topic at Eversleigh was Peter’s discovery of Prue Parker. My father was a little shamefaced, trying to be more gracious to Jonathan. Jonathan was delighted that his innocence had been proved.
When we returned Tamarisk’s pleasure in seeing Jonathan again was overwhelming. She kept telling him how she had seen Prue in the street and, recognizing her, had followed her because she was determined to prove him right and Prue wrong. “And then we went there,” she cried, “and Peter was there…”
Nobody thought it strange that we should have seen her when she was on her way to meet Peter and that he had chosen that questionable club as a rendezvous. It was a coincidence, but they were so interested in the story that they did not probe too deeply into the details.
Peter dismissed any doubts they might have had. “It was a place she knew; she was attached to it in some way. It seemed reasonable to meet her there.”
He modestly accepted the gratitude of all for having solved the mystery.
I wanted to shout at them that it would have remained a mystery if Tamarisk hadn’t seen the girl in the street and we had caught him there redhanded.
But how could I? I had to be silent.
I did not want to go to London again. I did not feel I could go to Jake. How would I know whether or not I was being watched? Peter had spoiled everything for me. He had made me feel unclean … wicked … as bad as he was. He did not mind; he revelled in his wickedness; he called it shrewdness.
When he caught my eye he would smile at me in a very special way. I had the horrible feeling that he was assessing me. What had he said: “I always found you attractive …” He was implying “More so than Amaryllis.” But he had chosen her because she was docile. I told myself I would never have married him. I admit I had at first been attracted, but not by him as much as the glamour of romance … being rescued, as I had thought he had rescued me.
The horrible thought came to me that he might make another suggestion as a price of silence. I was thankful that I had enough against him to balance our evil doings.
There was something cold about him, snake-like. I wondered at Amaryllis who was so much in love with him still. He was clever. He could slip in and out of his masks, changing his personality, shedding a skin. Yes, snake-like.
He began to haunt my dreams as a nightmare figure.
Sometimes in the night I felt I would go to Edward and confess. I would tell him that I would stay with him for ever and never see Jake again. Jake must take Tamarisk away. They could go to Cornwall on the other side of England, a long way from us.
Only confession could free me from Peter Lansdon.
My mother said: “Are you all right? You haven’t looked well since you came back from London.”
“I’m quite well, thanks.”
If only I could tell her! She would understand. But I dared not.
“It will soon be Christmas,” she went on. “It is amazing how time creeps up on one. We’ll have to start planning for it soon.”
I agreed.
She was not the only one who noticed. Clare said to me: “Are you well?”
“Why do you ask?”
“You seem different… since you came back from London. A little nervous … Did anything happen during your trip?”
“No … no.”
I had always had an uneasy feeling about Clare. She was useful in the house. She would sit and read to Edward and play piquet with him. She was a great help but I always felt she resented me.
Leah was useful too. While Tamarisk was in London she turned her attention to the sick room.