"You don't think this puddle has anything to do with people turning into birds? Galina said.
"People don't turn into birds, Yakov answered. It was just an illusion, a trick of light-it was so windy out."
"You saw it, Galina said. You saw it too."
Yakov didn't answer, and Galina stared at the upside down door in the puddle. Still closed, she realized with a pang. The same twinge of disappointment she felt when she would spend hours sitting in a subway station, watching the dark hole of the tunnel, waiting for something to happen. She didn't know what it was about the subways-perhaps the fact that they were carved into a dark wet heart of the earth-that made them so magical. But she used to have an unshakeable conviction that they were the way to a hidden world where she could escape.
Maybe she didn't try hard enough, waited long enough-she left the station when the subway closed, instead of hiding and waiting overnight. She headed straight home instead of wandering through the night city until the sky pinked and the long stationary clouds grew translucent. She didn't want it bad enough.
The desire was bled out of her over time, from one hospital to the next, from one diagnosis to another, until she was convinced of her own insanity for even thinking that escape was possible. And now, when the insanity became comforting and dulling, it was yanked away from her, and the old dreams of escape stirred, terrifying and inviting.
"We better go, Yakov said to her.
She smiled. This is how you investigate things? Come on, let's go'? No wonder so many murders are never solved."
Yakov shrugged, and looked away.
The barb hurt, and she immediately felt sorry for him. I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry, my sister is gone, and I just think that perhaps we should look into this."
"Look into what? He barked a nervous laugh. People turning into birds? Doors leading into puddles? Crazies? He indicated Fyodor with a toss of his head. How do you propose we investigate something like that?"
"We could try and go through that door, she said.
Yakov shook his head. It's just a reflection."
"Your pet would beg to differ. Are you just going to abandon your bird?"
"He's a wild bird, Yakov said. In any case, suppose you're right. What the fuck could be behind that door?"
Galina thought for a bit. Her childhood imaginings of unicorns and fairies seemed far-fetched-why would there be unicorns and fairies under this dark city that towered over them, surrounded them from all sides with its suffocating stone and metal? What good could hide under it? I don't know, she said. But I'm sure it'll shed some light on what happened to Masha."
Yakov threw his hands into the air and paced around the puddle. How do you even know that this has anything to do with your sister? Because this lunatic told you so?"
"I'm not a lunatic, Fyodor interjected.
Galina ignored him. There are two very strange things happening at the same time and you don't think they have anything to do with one another?"
"It's possible, Yakov said. But-"
His words were interrupted by a soft whistling that came from every direction at once. A second later, a great cloud of birds entered the yard, their wings beating against the thick night air. Galina covered her face and hunched over-the birds on the roof were too fresh in her memory.
The birds gave her no notice, and flew straight through the puddle, disappearing without a trace; only a few crows still hung in the air, their voices harsh.
"Now what do you think? Galina straightened.
"All right, Yakov said. They're connected. But we can't go in there-when you reached into the puddle, nothing happened, remember? It was just a puddle."
"Exactly, Fyodor said. You reached into the puddle. You saw it, not the door. But anyway, this one would be too small for us."
Galina looked over the reflection. Where would we find a bigger one?"
"I know a place, Fyodor said. It's big. Only I never saw anyone going in or out of there."
"Where is it? Yakov asked.
"Not far, Fyodor said. In a subway station-Arbatskaya, I think. Or Smolenskaya, who the fuck knows the difference."
"On the dark-blue line, or the light-blue? Galina asked.
Fyodor only shrugged and headed out of the courtyard, under the arch, his back lopsided in the wind.
Subway, Galina thought. She always knew it would be a subway, and once again she lamented her lack of persistence. All this time she thought she was delusional, while in reality she wasn't delusional enough to keep the hope alive.
Yakov caught up to her; the flap of his messenger bag gaped open, as if distraught. It was just a crow I found, he said. Not a pet."
"And the puddle was just a puddle, she replied. Do you always backpedal like this? Every time something significant happens you just tell yourself it isn't important?"
He thought for a bit. Yes, he admitted. It's easier that way."
Galina nodded. It is. I do it too, sometimes. Sorry."
"I am here in the middle of the night, ain't I? he said.
His defensiveness surprised her. She was used to the police as enforcers, at least in the old days. Now, they seemed superfluous and helpless, struggling against the tide all of them were struggling against, with little success. How could things change like that? How could the world go upside-down overnight? They were promised a future, and having it yanked from under everyone's noses just didn't seem fair.
And now, this. They walked across the cobbles of New Arbat, the pink glow of its streetlights too pink, too sick. Voices came from the side streets-drunken and rowdy, and Galina quickened her step instinctively. There was no smell of leaves in this part of the city, just smoke and gasoline that singed the back of her throat. The pink light painted long ugly streaks across the facades, and occasional gusts of wind brought with them a faint smell of the McDonald's restaurant that has just opened downtown. It was the death smell of the world she used to know, and Galina frowned.
They approached the subway station, and Galina recognized the building of the Ministry of Defense the station was built into; Arbatskaya, then. Fyodor led them inside, deftly hopping over the turnstile. Galina and Yakov exchanged a look but paid. They passed under the giant circular candelabra hanging from the ceiling like an underground sun, and headed toward the escalator. Galina paused, transfixed by the sudden light and the white marble of cupped ceiling, and stepped onto the escalator with the trepidation of someone entering a waterfall; they paused for a brief second at the highest point, and plunged downward, in a dreamlike, dignified descent.
The underground portion of the station waited for them with its low ceiling, cold and ornate like a sarcophagus. The columns, leaning away from the train tracks, met the ceiling in soft arches, like the ribs of an upside-down funeral barge. Galina tilted her head up, to better take in the station closing softly around her. The train roared in the tunnel, getting nearer; a few passengers on the benches stirred and stepped closer to the tracks, as if fearful that the train wouldn't see them and pass them by.
"Where's a reflection? Yakov asked Fyodor. I thought we needed a reflection."
"The train is coming. Fyodor stabbed out his cigarette on one of the columns; in the cold fluorescent light his face appeared even more angular and wild, with sharp shadows jutting under his jaw, the stubble bristling, the eyebrows drawn over the red-rimmed eyes. He stepped closer to the platform, to the center of one of the arches that connected the station to the platform, and motioned for Galina and Yakov to join him. They flanked him silently, and Fyodor's shoulder's tensed. No wonder, Galina thought; she didn't like being surrounded like that either, crowded by pretend kindness.