“I do not know of whom you speak,” I said, though I did.
“Oh, yes, the Lady Elizabeth would be his choice,” she said. “’Tis all too convenient now, my dying whilst he may have his bidding with her.”
I shook my head. “Nay, my lady, that shall not pass.”
She reached over to me, her breath hot and fetid. “Do not let him harm her,” she said. “You must be aware. Do not let harm come to her through his rash behavior.”
At that, she fell back into her bed.
“Her, madam? Whom must I guard from him? The Lady Elizabeth? Or your daughter, Mary?”
At that, Kate simply nodded to me and waved her hand. Within a minute Lady Tyrwhitt entered the room and Kate began to rave to her.
“What has taken you so long?” she cried out to her. “I have such feelings in me that I fear I shall not long live!”
“Fetch Lord Thomas,” Lady Tyrwhitt said. “Quickly!”
I ran down the hall, praying that I could keep my face steady and my eyes from betraying to him that I now knew that he was my father.
“Lord Thomas!” I insistently knocked at his chamber door without stopping till a page opened up to me. “Lord Thomas, the queen, she needs you now.”
He raced down the hallway and I ran after him. When we arrived a number of her household were already present, though mainly tarrying about the edges of the room.
He went directly to her bedside and pulled her to him, taking her full in his arms. I saw the anguish ground into his face, and whatever his other sins were, ’twas clear to all present that he did, indeed, love Kate. She did not seem to recognize for a moment that ’twas Thomas who held her. She directed herself, instead, to Lady Tyrwhitt.
“I fear I am not well handled,” Kate said, her voice shrill and still rising. “For those that be about me care not for me, but stand laughing at my grief, and the more good I do for them, the less good they do for me!” She turned her head, her mind seemingly clearing for a moment, and looked directly at Thomas.
“Why, sweetheart, I would not hurt you,” he replied, stroking her arm.
“No, my lord, I think so,” she said. “You have given me many shrewd taunts.” At that, she began to cry. Many of her household began to cry, too, either silently and remaining, or loudly and leaving the room so as not to disturb my lady.
“Let me lie with you, sweetheart, that I might bring you comfort and cheer,” Thomas said. She nodded and he slipped into the bed alongside her.
“I would have seen Dr. Huicke the first day I delivered,” she continued. “But I dared not for fear of displeasing you, as you do not care for any man to be with me alone or partially dressed, even my doctor!”
Thomas shook his head and whispered to her, then kissed her gently on the hairline, and within a few moments, she seemed to slump into his arms, her head on his shoulder, and grow quiet.
Within hours, she sent for her chaplain, her almoner, and her doctor, then began to dictate her will aloud, being not well enough to hold the quill and parchment herself.
“I leave all properties, possessions, and wealth to my husband, Thomas, wishing that it were ten thousand times more in value than it be,” she said. She gave him complete liberty at how to distribute them, and asked only that the household she had chosen for Lady Mary remain intact until such time as Thomas remarried.
Then my lady was quietly passed from the arms of her husband into the arms of her Lord.
Lady Jane Grey, who had come running down the hall at the last, slipped onto the floor and began to sob. I picked her up and held her frail body close to my own, sobbing with her.
That night my lady was wrapped in a waxen cloth as we awaited her burial upon the morn. She was not shriven, as that was not her custom. Lady Jane Grey, as the highest-ranking member of Kate’s household, would be chief mourner and there would be little fanfare, a simple ceremony, short and in English, with few attending, as the queen would have wished. She was as fully a reformer in death as she had been in life.
I lay abed that night, crying as quietly as I could, though I knew many others within the household, not least Lord Thomas, were likewise racked with grief.
All night I lay abed and not only images of Kate, and her gentle ways and bright laughter, but also thoughts of my father filtered through my heart and mind. He had known that I was not of him, and yet he loved me no less for it. He had never shown preference for Hugh, as my mother had.
It occurred to me that my mother had, indeed, held the sins of the father against the daughter. I would soon find out if Lady Margery Seymour, my grandmother, did as well. I cried until my nose ran, lamenting the loss of both mother and father. I was truly alone in this world now, a world I did not understand, could not command, and which proved more dangerous with each day that passed.
SEVENTEEN
Autumn: Year of Our Lord 1548
Wulf Hall
Brighton Manor
Syon House
Seymour House
The next morning, before we left for Wulf Hall, I packed some of Kate’s personal belongings. I recalled how Lady Ogilvy had set aside some of Anne Boleyn’s jewelry for the Lady Elizabeth, and to that end, I went through Kate’s few remaining pieces and took the best for Mary. I also took a miniature that Kate had done of herself, to show the babe later what her mother looked like, and some of her books, which were her dearest possessions. There was a book of psalms, a book of stories and poems covered in green velvet, and a prayer book covered in her favorite crimson and gold. In the back was a love poem written by Thomas to Kate. I would save this for her too.
Sweet Mrs. Marwick and two servants shared a litter with myself and Mary. Mrs. Marwick feel asleep after nursing her, so I took the child from her and held her, awkwardly at first, as I had no experience with newborns, whilst we made our way, instinctively shielding her from the worst of the jostling with my body. Some few others of Thomas’s household rode with him and some others in litters; many of Kate’s household would return to London, either to Seymour Place or to other households.
When we arrived we were greeted by one of Lord Seymour’s servants, who showed us to the set of rooms that would house Mary and her household whilst we remained. Mrs. Marwick shared a room with the child, and I had a small but richly appointed room of my own. The entire household was welcomed to dinner in a large dining room staffed with a dozen or more servants. As we ate I tried not to glance, repeatedly, at the table where sat my father, my grandfather, and my grandmother.
After the meal I made my way to Lord Thomas, who was in the stone-walled receiving room next to the dining area. His eyes were red rimmed and he had a defeated air about him. “Lord Thomas?” I said softly.
He looked me full in the face, searching, I knew, to see if Kate had made a deathbed confession to me. I steeled my expression and revealed nothing, allowing him to keep the secret he’d so long held. But I treated him with, mayhap, a little more consideration, not only for his grief but for that manner in which he had tried to care for me these years.
“The queen had said that I might hire some servants for Mary’s household, those I know I can trust. I know of some in Marlborough at my … mother’s home. May I take my leave for a few days and see if they be willing?”
He smiled weakly at me and nodded. “Yes, Mistress St. John, you may do so. And thank you for agreeing to remain with my daughter’s household for a little while, till we make our way clear through this thicket.”
I nodded politely, not showing how ironic I found his reference to his daughter’s household. “’Tis my honor, sir, to serve the queen dowager. And the child. And you.” I did not meet his eye. I turned, and as I did, I caught Lady Margery Seymour looking straight at me.