She left in due course and I continued to hope that Redvers would call in again at the shop. I wondered why he did not because he had come in for the purpose of seeing me and had seemed to take the excuse of leaving with alacrity. Why, since he had come in in the first place.
Perhaps he had already sailed.
It was the evening of that day after Aunt Charlotte had left. I had shut up the shop, come back to the Queen’s House and I was in my room when Ellen came running up to say that a gentleman had called and was asking to see me.
“What does he want?”
“To see you, miss,” Ellen smirked. “It’s Captain Stretton from the Castle.”
“Captain Stretton from the Castle!” I repeated her foolishly. I looked at my reflection in the glass. I was wearing my gray merino which was not very becoming, and my hair was untidy.
“I could tell him you’ll be with him in ten minutes, miss,” suggested Ellen conspiratorially. “After all you wouldn’t want him to think you were rushing.”
I said rather tremulously, “Perhaps he has come to see some piece of furniture.”
Ellen said: “Yes, miss. I’ll tell him.”
She was gone; and I rushed to the wardrobe I was using and took out the light navy silk which my father had brought me from Hong Kong. It had been made up by the local dressmaker and was certainly not in the latest style — for I had had it some time — but the material was lovely; it had a ruching of velvet at the neck which I had always thought becoming.
So I hastily changed, straightened my hair and ran downstairs.
He took my hands in his free and easy way which might have been unconventional but which I found charming.
“Forgive my calling,” he said, “but I had to come to say goodbye.”
“Oh … you are going?”
“Tomorrow.”
“I can only wish you bon voyage.”
“Thank you. I hope you will think of me while I’m away and perhaps pray for those in peril on the sea.”
“I hope you won’t need my prayers.”
“When you know me better you’ll realize that I need them more than most.”
When you know me better! I should have guessed at the state of my feelings when a simple phrase like that and its implication could delight me. He was going away, but when I knew him better …
“You strike me as being very self-sufficient.”
“Do you think any of us really are that?”
“I think some of us may be.”
“You?” he asked.
“I have not yet had the time to discover.”
“You have always been cosseted?”
“Hardly that. But you have just made me realize that I have never exactly been on my own. But what a profound conversation! Won’t you sit down?”
He looked round him and I laughed. “That’s how I felt when I first came here. I used to sit on a chair and say to myself, Perhaps Madame de Pompadour once sat here, or Richelieu or Talleyrand.”
“Being less erudite such a thought would not occur to me.”
“Let us go into my aunt’s sitting room, that is more … habitable. That is if you have time to stay for … a little while.”
“I’m sailing at seven in the morning.” He gave me that quizzical look. “I should leave before that.”
I laughed as I led the way up the stairs and through our cluttered rooms. He was interested in some of the Chinese pieces which Aunt Charlotte had recently bought. I had forgotten how she had to make room for them in her sitting room.
“Aunt Charlotte bought rather lavishly on this occasion,” I said. “They belonged to a man who had lived in China. He was a collector.” I felt I had to go on talking because I was so excited that he had come to see me. “Do you like this cabinet? We call it a chest-on-chest. The lacquer is rather fine. See how it is set with ivory and mother-of-pearl. Heaven knows what she paid for it. And I wonder when she will find a buyer.”
“How knowledgeable you are.”
“Nothing compared with my aunt. But I’m learning. It takes a lifetime though.”
“And,” he said gravely studying me, “there are so many other things in life to learn.”
“You must be an expert on … the sea and ships.”
“I shall never be an expert on anything.”
“Who is? But where will you sit? This is perhaps more comfortable. It’s a good sturdy Spanish chair.”
He was smiling. “What happened to the desk you had from the Castle?”
“My aunt sold it. I don’t know who was the buyer.”
“I did not come to talk about furniture,” he said.
“No?”
“But to talk to you.”
“I don’t think you’d find me very interesting … apart from all this.”
He looked round the room. “It’s almost as though they’re trying to make a period piece of you.”
There was a moment’s silence and I was suddenly aware of all the ticking clocks.
I heard myself say almost involuntarily: “Yes, I think that is what I fear. I see myself living here, growing old, learning more and more until I know as much as Aunt Charlotte. As you say, a period piece.”
“That mustn’t happen,” he said. “The present should be lived in.” I said: “It was good of you to call, on your last evening.”
“I should have called before, but …”
I waited for him to go on but he had decided not to.
“I heard about you,” he said.
“You heard about me?”
“Miss Brett the Elder is well-known in Langmouth. I heard that she drives a hard bargain.”
“Lady Crediton told you that.”
“She was under the impression that she drove a harder one. That was the occasion when we first met.” And then: “What do you know about me?”
I was afraid to repeat Ellen’s story in case it was wrong.
“I had heard that you live at the Castle, that you are not Lady Crediton’s son.”
“Then you will understand that I was in a somewhat invidious position from the beginning.” He began to laugh. “I can talk to you of this somewhat indelicate matter. That is why I find your company stimulating. You are not the sort of woman to refuse to discuss a subject simply because it is … unconventional.”
“It is true?”
“Ah, so you have heard. Yes, it’s true. Sir Edward was my father; I was brought up as a son of the house, and yet not with the same status as my half brother. All very reasonable, don’t you think? It’s had its effect on my character, though. I was always trying to outdo Rex in everything, as much as to say, ‘See I’m as good as you are.’ Do you think that excuses a boy for being shall we say arrogant, eager to attract attention, always wanting to win? Rex is the most patient of fellows. Far more worthy than I but then I always say he didn’t have to prove he was as good. He was accepted as being better.”
“You aren’t one of those tiresome people with a chip on your shoulder, I hope?”
He laughed. “No, I’m not. In fact trying so hard for so long to convince people that I was as good as Rex meant that I succeeded in convincing myself.”
“That’s all to the good. I could never bear people who are sorry for themselves, perhaps because there was a time when I started to feel life had treated me rather harshly. That was when my mother died.”