“What is it with you lately?” he asked.
“Oh, Billy. It’s nothing.” She ran her free hand through his thick blond hair and kissed his cheek, tasting the earthiness of the lake water on his skin. She buried her nose in his neck wondering what she thought she was doing. She wasn’t eating, barely sleeping, bouncing back and forth between the two. It was tearing her up inside, and yet she couldn’t stop. Her feelings for both were strong, but for very different reasons. Billy was her first love and would always have a place inside her heart. But it was with Kevin that she shared her private thoughts and where her hidden desires flourished. What was she supposed to do? She no longer knew what could make her happy. All she knew was that she couldn’t carry on this way much longer.
They continued their little party under the steps—Billy, Jo, and Sheila—while Kevin’s guitar sang out through the night air. She longed to go upstairs and listen, but at sixteen and under the legal drinking age, she was sure to be thrown out.
By the time Kevin finished his set and Eddie’s shift had ended, Sheila was bent over, throwing up most of the beer she had drank.
“I better get her home,” Eddie said, and held Sheila’s hair from her face as she bent down and wretched again.
After Eddie took Sheila home, an uneasy silence settled between Jo and the two boys. Kevin quietly leaned against the back wall in the shadows, nursing the same bottle of beer. Billy picked the label from his bottle.
She suddenly felt tired of the whole damn thing. Or maybe she imagined the tension brewing between them. The ground tilted beneath her feet. How much did she have to drink? There was no way of knowing. She stumbled out from under the steps, stretched her arms overhead, and spun around. Maybe she should make them choose. Maybe she should make them fight over her. Maybe it was the alcohol that made her do it.
“Catch me if you can, Billy,” she called. “You too, Kevin,” she said, and raced to the beach. She didn’t think about what she would do when they both reached her. Instead, once her bare feet hit the sand, she stripped down to her red bikini, wanting nothing more than to swim under the light of the moon and stars.
She rushed into the cool water and dove under. She was a good swimmer, a strong swimmer. Gram had made her take swimming lessons ever since she was little. She had learned the basic strokes, how not to panic when she was in trouble, like the time her legs got tangled in lily pads and threatened to pull her under.
It was safe to say she was comfortable in the lake as long as she didn’t dive too deep. Even the strongest swimmers, the lake regulars, lost their way in what lay below, in the dark, murky depths of the bottom.
She swam to the floating pier with clean even strokes, despite the alcohol that made her clumsy on land. She climbed the ladder and pulled herself up, thinking it was up to the boys now. Let them fight it out and make the decision for her. She stretched out on the pier—one leg bent, the other straight. She flipped her long wet hair from her shoulders and leaned back on her elbows, posing in a way, and waited. And waited. What were they doing?
She could see them on the beach, talking or arguing. It was as if they were deciding whether to join her. She was irritated. Fine, if that was the way they were going to play it, then neither could have her. She lay flat and looked at the stars. For a brief moment she tasted something sweet on the tip of her tongue. She licked her lips. In that second she felt totally, utterly, completely free. Her breath moved easily through her lungs. Her chest expanded, her heart swelled. She was free.
Until she turned her head to the sound of splashing water and watched her freedom slip away as Billy and Kevin raced toward the pier to claim her.
* * *
Tonight, under the same moon and stars, the lapping water against the shore told a different story. She smoothed her wavy hair away from her face. The humidity made it frizz and crowd her cheeks. She should leave this place. She shouldn’t have stayed this long. What was keeping her here? So what if they had found some old bones?
She turned back around toward the parking lot with every intention of heading straight to the cabin and then home to New Jersey. She’d return to work in the morning and beg Rose to cut her a break. She had only missed a couple of days. She was sure she could make it up to her.
But then she noticed a woman sitting on the hood of a car. Although her face was hidden in the shadows, Jo recognized her. She recognized the slumped shoulders, the bowed head. In that moment Jo knew she wasn’t going anywhere. She would stay until Sara was found. She would stay because she owed it to Billy to see this through.
“Do you mind if I join you?” she asked, and climbed onto the hood without waiting for a reply.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Caroline was hiding in her bedroom. Her hands were clasped behind her head, and she was staring at the ceiling. On occasion, in-between the chattering of Gram and the woman next door, the one with the two young boys, the sound of a plucked chord from her father’s guitar drifted into the room. Caroline wondered if the neighbor woman had brought her boys to the beach that day. She had heard people had been swimming and enjoying themselves even though Sara had not been found. Some of the newcomers even rented fishing boats.
It didn’t seem right. She wondered if it was her fault. If she hadn’t let the snappers go, the lake might’ve been off-limits while the fishermen searched. For the first time she felt a pinch of guilt and questioned whether she had done the right thing. Gram thought she did, although that was before Heil reopened the beach, the lake, and convinced people things were back to normal and life moved on.
She thought of Gram, how she protected Caroline’s secret and chased Sheriff Borg away by faking a heart attack. Caroline smiled with the knowledge that she now had two secrets she kept from her mother. Why should she tell her mother the truth about the turtles or Gram when her mother had never shared anything close to the truth with her?
She rolled onto her side. Her stomach growled. She wanted to get up and find something to eat, but she wasn’t in the mood for adults and their stupid small talk. She wished the neighbor woman would leave. She wanted to talk to her father about Billy. She believed her father would at least answer her questions. Wouldn’t he?
There was a light rapping at her window. She jumped up, thinking it was Adam. Maybe he had news from the lake. She pushed the window all the way up where it had been opened only a crack. She found Megan on the other side.
“Where have you been all day?” Megan asked. “Can you come out?”
She could, but she didn’t want to. “I don’t think so.”
“Well, I’ll come in. Should I use the door so your parents know I’m here?”
“Don’t bother.” Caroline pulled the screen out.
Megan climbed through the window and grabbed Caroline’s hands. “I have news.” Her face was shiny and flushed. Her neck looked burnt and her scalp red. She had been out in the sun too long, tanning. Caroline felt a pang of envy. She was sporting a farmer’s tan. She hadn’t been in her bathing suit in four days.
“Did they find Sara?” she asked.
Megan furrowed her brow. “What? No, not that kind of news. This is better.” She squeezed Caroline’s hands and shook her arms wildly. “I have a boyfriend.”
Now it was Caroline’s turn to furrow her brow. This was the better news? Really? “Who is it?”
“Jeff.” Megan smiled and batted her eyes, the lids covered in the same blue paint. “We sat on the pier together at the beach today.”
“Wait, you went swimming?”
“Not exactly,” Megan said, and shrugged. “It’s a little weird going in the water knowing, you know, what’s in there.”
“A little weird? God, Megan, it’s way worse than that.”
“I know, I know.” She pretended to inspect her pink fingernails. “But my folks say there’s a good chance they’ll never find the little girl now anyway. And what are we supposed to do? Melt in the hot sun all summer long?”