“I do want the truth,” he says, and it sounds profound.
Here is Giles’s truth. He has alienated his one confidant. The ad campaign he’d lied to Brad about “captaining” ended with a hack-job painting he’d given to a merciful receptionist. He has no future. He has no hope. All of this is why, he will postulate later, he succumbs to his long-delayed desire, as delirious as a child electrified by too much sugary pie. The last time he spoke to Brad, he’d explained the etymology of tantalize, how Tantalus had reached for fruit and water forever just out of range. Now Giles reaches, too.
He settles his hand atop Brad’s wrist. It’s as warm as fresh bread.
“I like talking to you, too,” Giles says. “And I’d like to get to know you better. If you’d like it as well. Is the name really… Brad?”
The merry twinkles of Brad’s eyes wink out, as quietly and completely as if he’d passed away. He stands up, not six-foot-three or six-foot-four, but ten feet, one hundred, one thousand, pulling away from the counter and into the stratosphere. Giles’s hand slides off the warm skin and drops to the cold counter, a withered, blotched, veiny, wobbling thing. From the god lording above comes a voice leached of its butter-and-syrup accent.
“What are you doing, old man?”
“But I… you…” He is effete, adrift, isolated in bright lights like a specimen. “You bought me pie.”
“I bought everyone pie,” Brad says. “Because I got engaged last night. To that young lady right there.”
Giles’s throat clenches. The same thick, hairy finger of Brad’s that had pointed at the suggestive free pie now points at Loretta, that smooth young thing, jiggling and giggling, the apogee of normalcy. Giles looks at Loretta, then Brad, then Loretta, back and forth, a helpless geriatric. Next in the queue is a black family—mother, father, and child—who stare at the overhanging menu, whispering to one another their pie-related plots. Brad’s face, Giles observes, is bright red from the disgrace of Giles’s touch, and such anger has to go somewhere.
“Hey!” Brad shouts. “Just takeout for you. No seats.”
The family’s chatter peters out. Their heads turn, as does every head in Dixie Doug’s, to look at the fuming Brad. The mother in the queue gathers her child into her hands before she replies.
“There are plenty of seats…”
“All reserved,” Brad snaps. “All day. All week.”
The family’s eager expressions curl away from Brad’s fire. Giles is overcome with nausea. He grips the counter to halt his stool from spinning only to find that it isn’t moving. Behind Brad, Giles sees the TV’s blur, and Giles, because he deserves it, accepts its contempt. People see blacks protest on the news every day, probably while ironing laundry, and feel nothing. Giles, though, can’t stand the sight. It’s not due to some swell of compassion. It’s out of self-preservation. He has the privilege—the privilege—of being able to hide his minority status, but if he had any pride at all, he wouldn’t be making furtive touches across a diner counter. He’d be standing alongside those who are unafraid of getting their skulls cracked open by batons. Disgracing himself is one thing; letting it spill onto these innocents just trying to purchase saccharine, overpriced, so-called pie is unacceptable.
“Don’t talk to them like that,” he says.
Brad angles his sneer at Giles. “You better leave, too, mister. This is a family place.” The doorbell dings, and Brad looks up. The father, likely familiar with the taste of a busted lip, is herding his family out of harm’s way. Brad plants onto his face a radiant grin, one Giles used to think Brad baked up special just for him, and dollops the accent on thick: “Y’all come back now!”
Giles glares down at the key lime pie. The color is identical to that of his painted gelatin, a synthetic, otherworldly green. He runs his eyes across Dixie Doug’s. Where have the pulsing colors and chrome liquescence gone? This is a graveyard of cheap plastic. He stands and finds himself firmer on his feet than expected. When Brad again looks his way, Giles is surprised to see that the object of his fantasies isn’t so tall after all. Indeed, they are the same height. Giles adjusts his bow tie, straightens his glasses, brushes cat hair from his jacket.
“When you told me about your franchising,” he says, “I was impressed, I admit it. The decorations, how they truck in the pies, everything.”
Giles pauses, in awe of the inflexibility of his voice. Other diners, too, look on as if they feel the same. Vain though it might be, Giles wishes that the family of three was still there to hear him. He wishes his father was there to hear, too. He wishes Bernie Clay, Mr. Klein, and Mr. Saunders were there. He wishes everyone who’d ever dismissed him was there to witness this.
“But do you know, young man, what franchising really is?” Giles makes a sweeping gesture across the diner. “It is a crass, craven, vulgar, piggish attempt to falsify, package, and sell the unsellable magic of one person sitting across a table from another person. A person who matters. You cannot franchise the alchemy of greasy food and human affection. Perhaps you have never experienced it. Well, I have. There is a person who matters to me. And she, I assure you, is far too intelligent to be caught in here.”
He pivots on a heel, Brad’s face joining the TV’s smear, and marches through the diner, silent now but for the country crooning. He’s at the door before Brad can rally a retort.
“And it’s not Brad. It’s John, faggot.”
The word has chased him home before, after he’s offered some promising fellow the delicate bait of a double meaning, plus the fail-safe of a third meaning should the double meaning be understood and rejected, except today the word does not chase so much as it does fuel, propelling him through Baltimore streets, into his parking space behind the Arcade, up the fire escape, past his own door, and inside Elisa’s apartment after the alert of a quick knock. He sees the second he enters that she isn’t asleep as she should be; he keels toward the beacon of the lit bathroom, where he finds her on hands and knees, partner to a sudsy bucket, paused from the perplexing activity of scrubbing the bathtub so vigorously that the surface gleams like marble, casting Elisa, the whole room, probably the whole theater below and the city’s entire metropolitan grid in a new, bright, better light.
“Whatever this thing is doesn’t matter,” Giles says. “What matters is you need it. And so I will help you. Just tell me what to do.”
25
ELISA GLANCES AT her friend as he fusses his paintbrush within the hand-cut stencil taped against the sliding door of the Pug. After dislodging plates of caked dirt, the two of them loosened decades of exhaust grit with citrus-based dish soap before scrubbing the van with clay—a janitor’s trick. Giles has done all this wearing the same houndstooth vest he wears when vultured over his drafting table, and he’s making the same squint. Seeing him released, however, into the sweet fresh air of spring is like seeing him released from dungeon shackles. The late Sunday sun warms the top of his bald scalp, and when was the last time he went outside without his toupee? It makes Elisa happy. Giles has been different this weekend; all hesitance has been cored from him. If this, Elisa thinks, is their final day together, before they enact her plan, before arrest, before sentencing, maybe before being shot dead, it has been a good day indeed.