“Kyol!” I scream, but I’m too late. Nimael lunges forward, firing the Taser as he slams it into Kyol’s back. Light explodes all around us, then . . .
THIRTY-ONE
ALL I SEE are shadows upon shadows. In this emptiness, I should feel nothing, but there are sensations. Sensations of falling. Sensations of burning.
Sensations of loss.
I try to catch hold of something, anything that will ground me and make me whole again.
THERE may be light in the shadows, bolts of blue and white and shades of silver at the edges of my vision, but every time I try to focus on the flashes, they disappear. I think they might be remnants of my soul. It’s missing, and I’m a shell of what I was before. Shells can be crushed. They can be ground into powder and scattered in the wind. I feel scattered. I feel lost. The only way to find a path home is to follow the lights. There’s a certain color I need to hold on to. It can sew my soul back together, so, blindly, I search the shimmering night . . .
LOW, incoherent murmurs invade the darkness. The shadows fluctuate with the volume of the voices, but I’m still lost. Still cold. Still wandering.
“. . . better when . . . together.”
“. . . loves him.”
“Of course . . . Ten years. Not even you can erase that . . .”
The conversation should make sense. If I listen harder, if I climb my way out of the abyss, I can understand.
“I want her to be happy.”
“So does he.”
He. Kyol. Aren. The names twist through my memory. I have to climb out of this abyss. For them.
HOW long has it been?
My question is attached to a voice. Not my voice, though. It’s Aren’s.
“Long enough that I’m ordering you to leave.”
That’s Lena. I’m almost there. The fuzziness in my brain is fading, but something’s still not right. I don’t feel . . .
Kyol. He’s lying beside me, his cold arm touching mine. I try to make my hand reach out for him, but I don’t have command of my body yet.
I don’t have command of my voice either, so I reach out with my emotions. There’s no response from him, just emptiness.
“I’m not leaving her,” Aren says. “She could wake.”
“She may not. And if she does, Aren, she may not be well. The tech . . .”
“She’ll pull through this,” he says. “They’ll pull through this.”
“You need to prepare yourself for the possibility . . .”
I’M in the Realm. That accounts for some of the lightness I feel. The air has a different quality to it, a different viscousness than Earth’s. My head hurts, my mouth is dry, and I feel so weak, like I’ve been lying here for weeks.
I try to open my eyes. I can’t.
Kyol?
“Any change?” Lena asks.
There’s no response. I know Aren’s here, though. I smell cedar and cinnamon, and I can feel his presence.
“She was angry,” he says. “She didn’t understand why I claimed to be the garistyn.”
That’s not true. I told him I didn’t understand why he didn’t leave with me afterward.
“You’re an idiot,” Lena tells him.
A small snort of laughter. “That’s what she told me, but I did what I had to do to protect her, and to secure your seat on the throne. Hison arrested you. If news of that became public . . .”
“We would have found a way to secure the throne despite his interference.”
“Would we have?” Aren asks.
I want so much to open my eyes. I think I might be able to now. I should try. I shouldn’t lie here and let Aren immerse himself in guilt.
Lena sighs. “If Taltrayn had stepped forward instead of you, he wouldn’t have let any harm come to her. He would have fought for his freedom. If he didn’t achieve it on his own, he would have left when she found him in Hison’s offices.”
“She took down half his guard,” Aren says, admiration softening his voice. “She thinks so little of herself, but she’s strong. She’s amazing.”
“She’s okay,” Lena says.
I almost smile.
I really should open my eyes now.
“We finished identifying the documents Taltrayn and Caelar found in Jythkrila,” Lena says.
“You can link him to Thrain?”
“Yes, not that it matters now. There were letters between Cardak and his brother. There were also several old documents. One was a map of the Sidhe Tol. It’s old and faded, but the Sidhe Tol he gave to Caelar was on it. So was one other we hadn’t learned about yet.”
There’s a long pause. This would be the perfect moment to groggily open my eyes, pretending I’m just now waking. The only reason I don’t is that emptiness I’m getting from Kyol. It feels . . . different now. More like a wall than a bottomless chasm. I try chipping away at it.
“She thought I was dead,” Aren says.
“We both did. There was no word from you, and Taltrayn heard rumors of your death.”
“He was there for her. I’m glad.”
“Are you?”
I think he nods. Or shakes his head. I hear some kind of movement. I could open my eyes to very narrow slits. They might not notice. They might not be looking at me at all.
“Staying away from her was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
“Oh, come on, Aren.” Lena’s voice is gently scolding. “You didn’t stay away from her.”
“I didn’t talk to her for three weeks.”
“So you never once fissured to her apartment or to the library to check in on her?”
Silence. My ears strain to hear another nod or a shake of his head, something to indicate his response.
“Her friend is here,” Lena says after a moment. “She’s offered to watch her for a while.”
My friend? Paige? That has to be who she’s talking about.
“I already told you I’m not—”
“You are,” she cuts him off. “You’re going to eat and sleep and live. Get out of here now, or I’ll have you removed.”
I hear Aren sigh, hear him standing, moving away. My thoughts aren’t completely centered on him, though. There’s a tightness in my chest. I’m not sure if it’s mine or an echo of someone else’s.
The door clicks shut.
Cautiously, I open my eyes, focus on the ceiling, then—
“If he doesn’t fight for you, he’s a fool.”
“You’re awake, too!” I accuse, turning my head and lightly punching Kyol’s arm. A smile curves my lips. He’s looking at me. I’ve never seem him so pale and weak, but his gaze is sane. His magic might be fried from the Taser, but it will return. He hasn’t turned tor’um.
God, he could have turned tor’um. He could have died.
My body is under my control again. I roll on top of him, ignore his oomph, and hug him tight.
“That was too close,” I say.
He wraps his arms around me. “I agree.”
Chaos lusters careen across me. They’re heating his skin, but I don’t pull away. He’s cold. I saw what happened when I Tasered Cardak. The life-bond is the only reason he’s alive.
I move back just a little, lifting myself up enough to look in his silver eyes. “You’re okay?”
He reaches up and touches my cheek. The gesture is tender, but it holds no little amount of sorrow. I close my eyes, that emotion cutting through me. I want so much to make him happy.
“I will be okay,” he assures me, sensing the pain within me. “I was content during the ten years we worked together. I can be content again.”