‘Yes,’ I said, ‘and there is another section in the Codex that states that any six wizards may call judgement and punishment upon any other. Tiger, go to the office. In the bottom left drawer you’ll find some lead finger-cuffs.’
‘Right,’ said Tiger and dashed off.
Blix looked momentarily ill at ease.
‘Six wizards? You’ve only got four.’
‘Muttney and Corby joined us ten minutes ago.’
‘Nonsense. They are loyal only to me.’
‘No we’re not,’ came a voice from the door.
‘Traitors!’ he spat. ‘I’ll make you pay for this.’
‘You won’t get the chance, ‘I told him. ‘We could turn you over to the King, but he’d only want to pardon you or exile you or something dumb like that. No, I think we should deal with you here and now.’
‘What will it be?’ he said with a sneer. ‘A high tower with no staircase, marooned on an island in the Barents Sea populated only by carnivorous beasts?’
‘No.’
‘A subterranean cavern with only a misshapen goblin manservant for company?’
‘You should be so lucky, ‘I replied. ‘No, it would be more fitting if you were punished in a manner that would make you better understand the people you almost killed today.’
‘Wizards?’
‘Ordinary subjects of King Snodd.’
‘No,’ he said as he realised where this was heading, ‘for pity’s sake. Don’t humiliate me like that—’
‘Yes,’ I said in as grim a voice as I could muster, ‘ordinary incarceration in a common jail, with ordinary criminals. No lonely tower, no force-field, no seven-headed something – just stone walls, gruel, an hour of exercise a day and only the company of thieves and villains.’
‘Good call,’ smiled Moobin, ‘Like it.’
Blix glared at me as Tiger arrived back with the finger-cuffs.
‘I should have killed you when I had the chance. And I had so many chances. But you know the reason I didn’t kill you? Do you know why I put you in the North Tower rather than simply killing you? Why I allowed you to stay alive?’
‘I’ve no idea,’ I replied. ‘Stupidity? Some sort of illogical Evil Dark Lord code?’
‘No,’ he replied. ‘Jennifer – I am your father!’
There was a deathly hush as I stared at him open mouthed. I had always wanted to know who my parents were, but hadn’t pursued it because I was frightened of what I might . . . no, hang on. It was nonsense. For a start, he looked nothing like me, and I was nothing like him.
‘You’re a liar,’ I said, ‘you’re not my father.’
‘No, of course not,’ he said with a grin, ‘nothing as hideously self-righteous as you could ever spring from a Blix – but it was worth it just to see your stupid hopeful face.’
‘You’d pull that sort of joke,’ I said coldly, ‘on a foundling?’
‘I think you’re confusing me with someone pleasant, Jennifer.’
‘Actually, I don’t think so. Full? Cuff him. Moobin, if he even so much as twitches, newt him.’
‘With pleasure.’
Full Price edged forward, fingers at the ready. It was a tense moment. Until we had the cuffs on him he was still dangerous. His eyes bored into mine with hatred, and as Full Price snapped on the first of the finger-cuffs, Blix shook his head and muttered:
‘Bloody foundlings!’
There was a click, a hum and then a rising whine from somewhere deep within the building. We felt the floor flex, and the room suddenly grew lighter and three degrees warmer. The first person to realise what was going on was the most experienced wizard in the room – Blix. The Dibble Storage Coils, brimful with four GigaShandars of wizidrical energy, had just come back online. The passthought had been simpler than we had thought, and reflected Lady Mawgon’s feelings for Tiger and myself: Bloody foundlings – a feeling shared with Blix with the same deep sense of disdain. Unwittingly, Lady Mawgon had just handed a vast amount of power to the one person who shouldn’t have it.
Conrad Blix, formerly ‘the Amazing’, was now . . . All Powerful.
The All Powerful Blix
Several things seemed to happen at once. The Prices and Moobin all let fly at the same time, and the room was suddenly filled with spells and counter-spells, weaves, dodges, burns and reversals. So much so that the dust on the floor buzzed with static and the glass in the roof began to cloud. Those of us unversed in the Mystical Arts dived for cover, and when the noise had died down after probably less than half a minute, I looked cautiously from where I had hidden behind the central fountain. Tiger was with me, and Perkins. The Quarkbeast was next to us, but frozen in mid-leap, his mouth gaping wide and now showing us a perfect array of teeth delicately rendered in the finest granite.
‘Wow,’ I heard Blix say, ‘you can do some serious mischief with four Gigs of crackle at your elbow! Jennifer? Are you there?’
‘Perhaps,’ I said, not revealing myself.
I looked to right and left and noticed that the room had six more figures delicately realised in stone – both of the Prices, Moobin, Corby and even Tchango Muttney, who had been turned to granite just as he reached the door.
‘You make a run for it,’ said Perkins, ‘I’ll cover you.’
‘And then what?’
He thought for a moment.
‘I don’t know.’
‘We so almost had him,’ I murmured. ‘Shit.’
‘Language,’ said Tiger.
‘Sorry.’
I was still trying to think of a plan when I heard a young woman’s voice.
‘All Powerful Blix,’ it went, ‘I have always loved and admired you. Take me with you.’
It was Samantha. She had reaugmented herself back to perfect gorgeousness and was approaching Blix, who had improved himself, too. His hair was no longer streaked with grey, he was ten years younger, four inches taller and physically stronger. He was temporarily as powerful as any sorcerer that had ever been. Of course, he’d be back to normal once he’d used up the power in the Dibble, but a clever mage can do a lot with four GigaShandars. A castle, a fast car, a wardrobe full of mouse-fur suits – you name it.
He smiled and put out his hand to take hers.
‘Samantha,’ he said, ‘are you ready and willing to obey my every command?’
‘Yes, yes, I shall,’ she replied eagerly, ‘for every evil genius there must be a ludicrously beautiful woman apparently doing very little at his side.’
‘I see that you and I speak the same language.’
‘I hope so,’ she said demurely, ‘but it’s been three years, and you could have made a bit more effort.’
He raised an eyebrow.
‘More effort? To do what?’
‘To learn my name. You don’t pronounce the first “A”!’
She attempted to grab his fingers. It was a brave attempt on her behalf, but futile. In an instant there was nothing but a small and very pretty guinea pig scurrying around the floor making loud weep-weep-weep noises.
‘What has the world come to,’ said Blix to the room in general, ‘when an evil genius can’t even trust pretty girls that throw themselves at him?’
We ducked back down behind the fountain.
‘That was brave,’ said Perkins.
‘Jennifer,’ came Blix’s voice again, ‘it’s time to show yourself. It’s been fun all this back and forth, but I’ve got better things to do than monkey around with amateurs.’
‘I’ll be out in a minute,’ I shouted, ‘I just have to do something.’
‘What’s he going to do with us?’ whispered Perkins.