“So he’s an ex?”
“He’s my only ex.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah, wow.”
“Did you love him?”
“What is it with you and your brother? You’re both so fucking nosey.” She draws in a breath and shakes her head.
“I don’t know, but answer the question. Did you love him?” I look away and around the room while I try to word my answer in my head.
“I met Sean when I was eleven, and I knew in that moment, we would be together. I’d decided and nothing was ever gonna sway my judgement. When he and Marley were caught with the whore in the hotel room and we split up, my world, my dreams fell apart.” I give a little laugh as I think about how stupid and naïve I had been. “I was sixteen, so I thought I knew everything. He begged my forgiveness and I sent him away because I wanted perfect. I wanted us to be this perfect couple, to buy the perfect house and start the perfect family.” I take a few squares from the toilet roll next to my bed and pass it to Brooke. I blow my nose and continue. “We’d discussed it all, planned it all, right down to the names of our kids.” Brooke blows her nose but doesn’t say anymore. “When all the shit hit the fan, I don’t know what happened to me. I think I had some sort of mental breakdown. I wouldn’t listen to anything he had to say, but then when I calmed down, I wanted him to explain, but he gave up. Well, that’s what I thought, but that’s another story.”
I don’t want to go into detail about how we had been kept apart for four years right now. Talking about all of this is hard enough, but felt unbelievably good at the same time. “Anyway, I shut myself away from the world, and there were horrible stories about me written in the papers; I was some underage harlot who had broken his heart. I had dog shit posted through my letterbox, and I was spat at out shopping with my mum one day. Anyway, I didn’t watch telly. I didn’t listen to music, and apart from school and then work, I didn’t really go out for about three years. I just barely existed, and then Ashley convinced me to go out one night and I met Cam. He’s the bloke I was telling you about, the one I drunk-and-drugged texted on Saturday night. We sort of danced around for about six months and then we finally got together.” I can’t help but smile to myself when I think about what happened when that wanker, Lee, smashed my Hilda up. “He knew everything. He knew how broken I was. He knew I was still in love with Sean, but he didn’t care. He put me back together. He fixed me and then he watched as I walked away, right back to Sean.”
“But you loved him?” I chew on my lip for a second as I think about it and then turn my head back around so my eyes meet hers.
“Yes, I loved him. I didn’t realise it at the time, but I loved him. I think I’ve always loved him.” I shrug. “Don’t get me wrong. I loved Sean unequivocally, but I also loved Cam, and like I’ll always love Sean, I think I’ll always love Cam. Is that possible? Can you love one person like your life depends on it, but still love someone else, too? Does that mean I didn’t really love Sean as much as I thought I did?” I’m thinking out loud, asking rhetorical questions. Jesus, Brooke should consider going into business with Jackson. They both have a knack for getting me to open up and talk about things I’ve buried so deep and pushed so far down, I can feel them in my toes.
“Yes, I think that’s possible; you’re proof of it. If you had just had a normal breakup with Sean, if your relationship had just run its course and ended, and then you had met Cam, you’d probably be with Cam now. He would’ve been the one.”
I nod slowly. “You’re probably right. So what does that mean, Mrs Relationship Expert?”
“Me? I’m no expert. I’ve just spent my life sitting in or working behind the bar and listening to people’s problems.”
“Ahh, well, that would explain why you and Jackson are both so good at it then.”
“Yeah, but Jax has done courses, and he’s a qualified counsellor. He wants to open up his own place eventually, but he doesn’t want to give up the surf school.”
“Well, he should go for it, and you should go in with him; you both have what it takes. I’ve seen at least six different shrinks this past year, and I was even sectioned in a mental facility at one stage, but coming here, being with all of you and opening up the way I have with you and Jax has been the best therapy ever.”
She pulls me in for a cuddle. “Well, that makes me feel a bit better about all the years I spent being jealous of you.” She winks at me. “Honestly, I’m glad we’ve been able to help you in some way; we’re family.” She shrugs. “Families help each other out. I know we’ve never really been close, I mean, not like you are with Jax and Jodes. I don’t really remember living in England, not like they do, but anyway, regardless, I’m glad you coming here has helped you find some peace.”
I let out a long breath. “It really has and as grateful as I am, I’ve decided it’s time for me to go home.”
She leans away so she can see me better. “Really, when?”
“I’m not sure. Lennon’s sorting the flights out for me, but it’ll be at the beginning of next week, I think. I won’t be coming back from Sydney. I’ll get all my stuff packed up and sent back this week and just leave the essentials I’ll need for these last few days.” She nods as she listens to my plans.
“So you’re coming to Sydney then?”
“I’ll come to Sydney and I’ll show my face at the opening, just to support Jodie, but I’m not sure I’ll stay.”
“Fair enough, but I’m glad you’re coming either way.” She pauses for a moment. “Does Roman know? That you’re going back to England I mean?”
I shake my head. “No, he’ll be fine. We both went into this knowing it was just temporary.” She nods, but bites down on her bottom lip. “What’s wrong, you look worried?”
“Rome and Jackson punched on last night.”
“They did what?” I have no idea what she’s talking about.
“They punched on, had a fight, ‘had a punch up’ as my dad would say.”
“Rome and Jackson had a punch up. When?” She looks at me wide-eyed, like I’m mad.
“Last night, that’s what I just said.” God, talk about lost in translation. I sometimes wonder if we speak the same language.
“But why were they fighting?” I think I already know the answer to this.
“You.”
“For fuck’s sake, Brooke, why didn’t someone come and get me? I told Jax none of what happened was Roman’s fault. I’m not a child; I can look after myself.” She raises her eyebrows, giving me her best ‘really?’ look. “Fair enough. I didn’t look after myself very well on Saturday night, but that wasn’t Rome’s fault.”
She shrugs and lets out a breath. “Well, Jax thinks it is, and they blued in the bar. Jax smacked Rome in the mouth and warned him to stay away from ya, and my dad pulled them apart and calmed things down.”
“Are they all right? Did they hurt each other?”
“I think Rome had a split lip but he was okay. He still sang and played his guitar after so I’m sure he was fine. They’ll both be fine; it’s not the first time it’s happened with those two.” Well, that’s a surprise. I thought they were friends.
“Jax and Roman have had fights before?”
She nods casually. “Yeah, when Jodie was going out with him, and he let her move into Narnia.” What the fuck?
“Jodie used to go out with Roman, and she lived at Narnia?” My head’s spinning from these revelations. It’s Monday morning. I haven’t even left my bed yet, and already I just want to crawl back under the duvet, or the doona as they call it here. “Why the fuck didn’t anyone tell me I was fuckin’ my cousin’s sloppy seconds? I would never have gone there if I’d known.” I can’t believe no one told me.
“Thanks for that. That’s real good to hear.” We both look to the bedroom door where Roman’s standing, his arms spread as he braces each side of the doorframe. He’s wearing boardies and a T-shirt that has risen up and his belly is on show; he looks like a God, but I’m pissed off. I feel like an idiot and I hate myself for still finding him sexy.