“Where would you like it to go? Can we start over? Is that possible?”
He shakes his head. Looking down at where his thumb is brushing over my knuckles, he says very quietly, “No, I don’t think we can, Kitten.” My heart feels like it’s being crushed, squeezed so tight; it’s painful. Well, serves me right. After everything I’ve put Cam through over the years, I really can’t blame him. “We can’t start over. We’ve shared too much to put it all behind us, but we can try and move forward, deal with all the shit from the past and try to find a way, but I can’t promise anything.” My heart speeds up as I process what he’s telling me.
I desperately want him to look up and make eye contact, but he keeps looking down at our joined hands. “You hurt me, Kitten. I don’t hurt for anyone, but you hurt me and you fucking broke me, and I don’t know if I can take a chance on you doing that to me again.”
“I won’t… I promise I won’t,” I blurt out. “I did love you, Cam. I think I’m still in love with you now.”
He nods his head a little bit. “Then I need you to show me, Kitten. I need you to prove it. I need to know that you’re not just using me as a quick fix again.” He finally looks up and meets my gaze. “I can’t run the risk of having you walk away from me again. I need to know for sure that you’re in it for the long haul this time.” I’m nodding as he speaks. I can do that. I can prove all of those things to him. “I have a lot of shit going on right now… And I don’t think you’re ready to even attempt moving on.” My stomach drops again.
“Did you not just hear everything I said to Marley. I’m ready. It’s time. I need to carry on with my life.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t want you to need to carry on with your life. I want you to want to carry on with your life and I want you to want me in it.” He pauses and looks up at the ceiling. “I don’t want to feel used, Kitten. I won’t be used. I won’t ever let that happen again.” He leans in and kisses my forehead. “We both have a lot going on in our lives. Let’s get back to England and catch up in a couple of weeks, but like I said, I’m not promising anything.”
I nod. There’s not a lot else I can do. I gave up my rights to call the shots where Cam’s concerned the night I fell through Lennon’s front door and straight back into Sean’s arms twelve long years ago. I don’t know what he’s read in my expression, but he lets out a long sigh.
“I want you, Kitten, believe me, I want you so fucking bad, but I just want you to be sure. Take a step back and think about it, because when we’re together, neither of us ever seem to think straight.” He tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. “Take some time to think about why you want to be with me. I don’t want to be just someone to help you through until the next love of your life comes along. I want the next love of your life to be me.” He traces the cupid’s bow of my lips with the pad of his thumb. “I know I’ll never replace him. I know I’ll never be able to give you back what you’ve lost. If I could, I would. Believe me. I really would, but I know that we have something that you didn’t have with him. If everything you had with him was so fucking perfect, then the world wouldn’t crackle whenever we get near each other. I’m not disputing that you loved him, but I am disputing that given the chance, you wouldn’t have felt even more for me.”
“I’ve already admitted that I think I was in love with you.”
“Not good enough, Kitten. I want you to know for sure that you are in love with me. Then and only then will I consider getting more involved. I can’t allow it to be any other way.” He sits forward on the edge of the sofa but turns his head towards me. “Being here with you tonight and not touching you has nearly killed me. I’m aching for ya, Kitten. I wanna kiss ya, lick ya, taste and fuck ya. I wanna bury myself inside ya, feel that tight little cunt of yours throb and pulse around my cock when you come. I want to hear those little noises you make when I flick my tongue over your clit, but I know, if I so much as kiss you, we won’t be making it out of this room for at least a week. And I know, that I will be wanting you by my side and in my bed every morning and every night till the day I die. Until you decide that’s what you want too, I’ve got to keep my hands off you.” My mouth is dry. I want to say so much. I want to promise him that I’m his; that I’ll be his forever; that I’ve done nothing but think about what I feel for him for years, especially in the last few weeks. But I don’t think he’s ready to believe me, and if it’s proof that he wants, if he wants me to show him what he means to him, then that’s what I’ll do. I’ll find a way to show him, I’ll find a way to make him understand, that’s the very least I owe him.
Chapter Thirteen
Kitten
Cam carries my bags down to the hotel lobby and waits with me for my car. There’s no sign of Jackson or Brooke ten minutes later when it pulls up, and I’m so tired; I just want to get in and get to the airport. As the driver puts my bags in the boot, Cam pulls me into him. He grabs my arse cheeks and grinds himself against me.
“I can do this now.” He bites along my jaw and I let out a little moan. “Now you’re leaving and I know we can’t take this further. I can do this.” He wraps his arm around my back and grabs at my hair with his hand, his lips move to mine, gently at first and then it just explodes, lips, tongues, teeth. I grab a handful of his hair and force his mouth down harder on mine. I hear a car pull up and we separate our mouths, standing with our foreheads pressed together. “Fuck, Kitten, you have the power to ruin me, never forget that.”
“You have got to be fucking kidding me!” We both turn and look as Jodie, Brooke and Jackson pile out of a taxi. I’m a little confused at Jodie’s comment.
“You made it. I didn’t think you would…” I start to say.
“This is where you vanished to. You left the club last night with her?” What? I look from Jodie to Cam, totally confused.
“Have you no fucking shame? It’s the one year anniversary of the death of your husband and child, and you choose to spend the night whoring around with another man.” I shake my head.
“No, no, I’ve known Cam for years. It wasn’t like that,” I try to plead my case. I look at Brooke and Jackson, who are trying to hold each other up, without much success.
“Poor Princess Georgia, whatever she wants, she just fucking takes. I don’t believe this. You and him, I just don’t believe it.”
Realisation smacks me right between the eyes as I work out that Cam is the bloke that Jodie works with and has been on a few dates with. I look up at Cam as he starts to speak.
“Jodie, we went for dinner a couple of times. There was never anything between us and Georgia’s telling you the truth. We’ve been friends for years.” She puts her hands on her hips and looks between us.
“You know what, fuck the pair of ya. You’re welcome to each other, but just so you know, she’s spent the last month fucking my ex in Byron, so if it’s sloppy seconds you’re into, you’re welcome.” I feel Cam squeeze my shoulder but he doesn’t say anything. Jodie then gestures with her head towards Cam, but sneers as she says to me, “And he, sweet spoilt Georgia, is having something you never will, you spoilt little bitch. Cameron here is having a baby with his girlfriend back in England.” Everything sways and spins around me, then slows down, sound becomes distorted and I can’t decide if I’m too hot or freezing cold. Somehow, I manage to make my legs move and turn towards the car. Cam grabs my arm and pulls me back towards him.
“She’s not my girlfriend. It’s not like that, Kitten. Listen to me.” He holds my face in his big hands and makes me look at him. “She’s not my girlfriend. I’m not with her. It’s… you need to let me explain. We need to talk about this.” He looks past me to Jodie I assume. “You have no idea what you’ve done. You spiteful bitch, fuck off out of here. You’re sacked. I don’t want you near my club again.” I break free from his hold as he talks. “Georgia, wait, I’ll come to the airport with you. Let me just explain.”