“What about them?” I swallow and ask.
“Well, I know my spunk is pretty potent stuff, Kitten, but how the fuck d’ya expect my swimmers to reach them if they’re frozen solid in West London somewhere?” I turn around in his arms and face him.
“Cam, this is… we need to talk about this.”
He kisses my nose. “I thought that’s what we were doing.”
The only light in the room is coming from above the mirror in the bathroom, but I can see his eyes are on me. They look almost black.
“We’ve done more fucking than talking.”
“Best conversations ever.” He winks as he speaks.
“I’m being serious,” I huff.
“Me too, never more so.” He leans in and kisses me, so, so softly on the mouth and I give a slight groan and close my eyes. Every time, every time he gets me. I don’t know what it is. Perhaps it’s because he’s so big and hard and manly, but whenever he says or does something, like touching or kissing me gently, it just does things to my insides and my heart threatens to burst.
“Life’s fucked, Kitten. It’s cruel and twisted and it does spiteful things to good people.” He closes his eyes for a few seconds and then brushes his nose against mine. “We’ve both learnt that in the worst ways possible and it’s made me realise one thing. I thought about it nonstop all the way home from the hospital earlier.” His eyes are all over my face as he speaks. “If we’re doing this, George, you and me, then let’s just fucking do it.” I watch as his Adam’s apple moves as he swallows. “I’m too old to fuck about waiting. We’ve both lost too many people. We both know how everything can change in a second, so let’s just get on with it, no fannying around.”
I smile at him. “Do people even say fannying around anymore?”
He nods. “If I fucking tell them to, they will.” And I laugh, just a small laugh. He’s so cock sure and arrogant; it’s a trait I usually hate in anyone, but with him I love it. I actually don’t even think it’s arrogance with Cam. It’s just him, just Cam; that’s just how he is. “Why are you laughing, Kitten?”
“Because you’re funny, Tiger.” He rests his chin on his chest as he looks at me with a frown.
“Why am I funny?”
“D’ya ever consider that someone might not want to say fannying around? That not everyone does as you say?”
He frowns and pauses for a few seconds before shaking his head. “No.” And I know he’s being totally honest.
“I fucking love the fuck out of you, Tiger.” He shakes his head slightly.
“Apart from you of course. You’re the only person who defies me. How many times, hmm, how many fucking times am I gonna have to ask ya not to swear like that?”
I let out a little huff of indignation. “But you just swore.”
“Doesn’t mean you fucking should.” My mouth hangs open for a few seconds; he’s actually serious.
“And you seriously think we should already be talking about letting your swimmers anywhere near my eggs?”
He frowns. “Yes, yes I do.” His expression changes from pissed off to gentle. “I love the fuck out of you, Kitten. I missed my chance once. I ain’t letting it happen again. I want you with me. I want us together. I don’t wanna fuck around. Let’s get a house. Let’s get your eggs and my swimmers together, and let’s make a family.” My tears are instant.
“D’ya not think we need to discuss—” His lips hit mine and stop me from saying anymore.
He pulls away. “Fuck the talking. I’m done talking. There’s fuck all left to say that hasn’t been said. We both want the same thing, so tomorrow we’ll start looking at houses and what we need to do to introduce my super spunk to your sexy eggs.” I open my mouth to speak but he kisses me again. When he pulls away again, he says, “Just for once, Kitten, just for fucking once, would you just shut up and do as you’re told? I’m not arguing with you about this one. It’s happening and fuck anyone who tries to stop us this time ‘round.”
I look up at him through my lashes. “Yes, Master.”
He gives his customary headshake. “You say that now, Kitten, but when it comes to it, I don’t think you know how not to defy me.”
I think about that for a second. “It’s not just you. I don’t do what anyone tells me to.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. Even when it’s what I want to do, if someone says do it, I do the opposite.”
“But why would you do that?”
“I don’t know. I think perhaps it’s a control thing.” I shrug and let out a breath. “I was never allowed anywhere without my brothers when I was little. Even if I didn’t want to go somewhere, I had to go or go home and it used to really piss me off.” He raises his eyebrows. “Piss isn’t even swearing, Cam.”
“It isn’t ladylike either.”
I consider that for a moment. “And me letting you slide your finger in my arse is?”
His mouth drops open. It actually drops open. “That’s… that’s not… that’s different. It’s sex.”
“It’s still not ladylike. If I were a lady, I wouldn’t be letting you anywhere near my arse.”
He closes his eyes. “Kitten, just carry on with your story for fuck’s sake.”
“I don’t know. I just think because everything I did was controlled by what the boys were doing, it sort of made me rebellious; meant that I was always pushing the boundaries.”
“There’s no ‘sort of’ about it, Kitten. You are rebellious. You do push boundaries. You’re strong willed, defiant and would rather cut your nose off to spite your face than do as anyone tells you to, but I love you, regardless.”
“Well, gee, thanks,” I say sarcastically.
“What can I say?” he shrugs. “You let me stick my fingers up your arse. If you let me stick my cock up there, I might even consider marrying ya.”
“You can fuck right off. That thing is not going near my arse, not ever.” He gives a small smile.
“You don’t want to marry me then?” Wow, we’ve gone from anal to marriage in one sentence. Only Cam could do that.
I shake my head slowly. “You don’t even know me, Cam.”
“Oh, I do, Kitten. I know you inside out.”
“And you still want to marry me?”
His eyes wander over my face, finally coming back to rest on mine. “Yes, I want to marry you. I want to own you, possess you. I want the whole world to know you’re mine. Like I said earlier, I want a house, a big one and I want to fill it with our children. We’ve both lost so much, Kitten. I’m not losing you again. I can’t. It’d kill me.”
“What if it doesn’t work? What if we can’t make babies with our super sexy sperm and eggs?”
He kisses my forehead, then my nose. “Then it’ll just be you and me, and we’ll love the fuck out of each other, regardless.” A tear runs from my eye, over my nose and plops onto the pillow. “Don’t cry, Kitten. We’ll make this work. We’ll get the best doctors involved and we’ll get us some babies. We’ll fill that house with noise and chaos.” He kisses along the path of my tear. “We’ll get our happy ever after. I promise you that.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
When I wake in the morning, it’s to an empty bed again, but this time I can hear Cam in the shower. There’s music playing and I can hear him singing along to an old song by the Real Thing. I lay and giggle to myself at his terrible voice. It’s deep and out of tune, but he seems to be enjoying himself.
My scalp suddenly tightens as I think about what we discussed last night. I’m on exactly the same page as Cam with regard to not hanging about. He wants it. I want it, and we’re both adults, why should we wait? The only issue I have is if I get married, I will have to change my name, and then that will be it, the last part of Sean gone, and I don’t know if I can do that. I can’t keep his name; that’d be disrespectful to Cam, but I feel so guilty about replacing it. It would feel like I was replacing him, and I’m not. I couldn’t. What I have with Cam is different to what I had with Sean. I love them both passionately, but differently, and I know that’s not going to sit well with some people, but that’s just the way it is. I still feel guilty and I’ve wondered to myself these past couple of days if I would feel less guilt if I’d fallen in love with someone else, Roman for example. Would I feel less guilty if I had fallen in love with a complete random who Sean didn’t know?