Probably.
Definitely.
Most likely.
Definitely.
Because the problem is, you see, in all honesty, I hadn’t just fallen in love with Cam; I already am and always have been in love with him, and I know this makes me a bad person, a bad wife and a bad widow. I’ve spent twelve years denying what I feel for Cam. Twelve years denying I loved two men. No good would’ve come of admitting it while Sean was alive. I would never have left him. I couldn’t have left him, but in all honesty, if I’d given Cam the chance back when we first met, if I’d allowed myself to fall in love with him, then I don’t know if I could’ve left him for Sean the way I did. I really hate the way this makes me feel. I wonder if it makes me lucky or unlucky to have two loves of my life.
I climb out of bed and go into the bathroom to wee, smiling to myself at Cam’s out-of-tune singing. The music is coming from a pair of speakers hidden in the ceiling, but I’ve no idea where the source to the music is hidden. Without thinking, I flush the toilet and realise what I’ve done the instant Cam screams like a girl. I’ve obviously upset the balance of the water pressure and I wonder if I’ve scolded or frozen him.
“Fuck, brrr.” Frozen then. I smile as I throw my hair up on top of my head and secure it with a scrunchy and step around the glass brick wall into the shower, his eyes meet mine. “Now you’ve got the best of me, come on and take the rest of me,” he sings, thrusts his hips and points at his dick at the same time, “Oh, baby.” I roll my eyes and shake my head.
“How old are you?” I ask rhetorically.
“Old as my tongue,” he starts, “and a bit older than my teeth,” we finish together. I’ve not heard that phrase since the last time I heard Cam say it.
“My God—”
“Yes,” he interrupts, “what do you want, Kitten?” I roll my eyes and open my mouth to speak when he continues, “Sex, what again? Oh, if you insist.” So of course, I oblige.
* * *
Half an hour later, I pad down the stairs wearing more of Cam’s clothes. He looks up from where he’s sitting at the breakfast bar eating his eggs and winks at me. Marian is leaning against the sink and chatting to him. She stops midsentence as she spots me.
“Well, good morning, Georgia, my love. I didn’t realise you were here again. Would you like some eggs?” For some reason, the word eggs, combined with Cam’s wink throws me.
“Err, I, no, no thank you, Marian. I’ll just have a coffee.” She raises her eyebrows as she turns to look at Cam. I take the stool next to him and sit down.
“Three eggs, scrambled, salt, pepper and a knob of butter please, Marian, and she likes the wholemeal bread, well toasted.” He sips on his coffee and looks at me over his cup, waiting for my reaction. My belly rumbles loudly. Perhaps I am hungry and it’s just all the emotions galloping around inside my head, heart and belly that are making me think I’m full.
“D’ya know what, Marian? That sounds delicious. I think I am hungry after all. Thank you.”
“Well done, Kitten. See, that wasn’t hard, was it?”
I raise my eyebrows, widen my eyes and say to him, “When, in the shower or the bed? Felt pretty hard to me.” He spits his coffee just as Marian is putting mine down in front of me.
“Cameron,” is all she says and fetches a dish cloth to wipe up the mess. Cam sits and stares at me in silence as Marian says, “Oh, by the way, Georgia, I’ve washed and dried your clothes. They’re folded up in the laundry. I’ll just fetch them.”
“Thank you, Marian. I’ll grab them after my breakfast.” Cam is still staring, not saying a word. “What?” I ask.
He gives his usual headshake, “Nothing, nothing at all.”
We eat our breakfast, mostly in silence before I go upstairs and put my own clothes back on. They smell clean and fresh and a little bit like Cam. My belly squirms a little bit as I sit on the edge of the bed and pull on my Uggs.
When I get back downstairs, Cam is in his office and it sounds like he’s talking to Benny. I don’t want to interrupt so I sit at the bench and watch Marian make a lasagne.
“D’ya cook, Georgia?” she asks me.
“Yeah, I do. I actually enjoy cooking.” She turns around and looks at me for a moment and I wonder what she’s thinking.
“You didn’t have someone do the cooking for you then, or a housekeeper or anything, when you were married, I mean?” I instinctively look over my shoulder, wondering if Cam can hear this conversation. A little wave of panic rushes through me, as well as the usual guilt. Is this wrong, sitting here in Cam’s house, talking to his housekeeper about my husband? “Sorry Georgia, I shouldn’t have, I’m sorry…” She folds up a tea towel as she speaks.
“No, no, it’s fine. I… It just feels a bit disrespectful to Cam to be talking about Sean.” I swallow down the ball of emotions rising from my chest to my throat. “It feels a little disrespectful to both of them actually.”
“I lost my first husband. He was killed in a car accident,” Marian states.
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” She nods.
“Thank you. It was a long time ago now, thirty-odd years. He was only twenty-nine. We both were. I at least had my children though. They were a great comfort, and luckily we were well insured, which is a massive help when you’re left on your own with young children to raise.” I watch as she unfolds the same tea towel and then refolds it, finally putting it down next to the sink. “I never imagined I would love anyone again. We’d married at seventeen, known each other our whole lives. He was the other half of me, but just six months after his death, I met Tony and I knew, I knew in an instant there was a connection and I run a bloody mile.” I smile at her admission and nod.
“Well, it’s a bit different with Cam. We were together before, a long time ago.” I blush as I tell her this for some reason.
“Oh, I didn’t realise.” She folds her arms across her chest and leans back against the sink.
“Yeah, we met when I was twenty and were together for a few months, but that ended, and we’ve really only seen each other a few times over the years, but he’s had business dealings with my dad and brother. Then, just by pure chance, we bumped into each other in Australia and everything’s just been a little bit insane since.” She nods her head slowly.
“Look, Georgia, I may be talking out of turn here, but take it from someone who’s been there. Don’t let anyone else tell you that what you’ve got, what you two have found, or rediscovered or whatever with each other, is wrong. There’ll always be spiteful, judgmental people out there, and for you especially, there’ll be millions of them, but take it from me. If you’ve been lucky enough to find love again, then don’t let anyone stand in the way of enjoying it.” She lets out a long sigh. “I feel so lucky to not only have loved, but to have been loved by two amazing men, and I’ve always refused to let anyone make me feel guilty about that, especially in the beginning.” She shakes her head. “I fought it and fought it and then finally, after about six months, I agreed to go on a date with Tony and we were married just two weeks later.” She shrugs and smiles a small smile. “He took on me and my three kids. He stood up to my family, my first husband’s family, and most of our friends when they all told us we were mad and that we’d never last. Thirty-odd years later, I’m as in love with him now as I was on the day we married, probably more so if the truth be told. We had two more kids of our own and he helped raise my three to be polite, well-adjusted adults, who all call him dad.”