“Oi, Marley, tell Ash that I love that new red thong with the beaded crotch.” I laugh and keep walking towards the lift as Marley calls out.
“What the fuck, Ben? What’s that mean? When’d you see her new thong?”
The doors slide back and I’m joined by a chuckling Benny.
“You know he’ll be on the phone to Ash now, wanting to know how you know about her new thong.”
He shrugs. “Serves the fucker right, throwing paper at my head. Sorry, George, shouldn’t swear.”
“I’ll let you off, Ben. Just don’t let Cam catch ya, especially around the baby.” He raises his eyebrows and makes a small upward motion with his head.
“How you doing with all that, George? Can’t be easy for ya?”
I fold my arms across my chest, instinctively becoming defensive. “I’m okay, Ben. It hurts, but it is what it is. There’s nothing I can do to change things, so all I can do is try and make the best of a bad situation.”
He nods his head and I follow behind him out the lift and into the underground car park of the block where Len has his offices. “I admire ya, George. Tamara’s fuckin’ mental. Even when she weren’t on the sniff, she was always a bit odd, and on it, she’s just a fuckin’ psycho.”
I shrug as he opens the door to the Land Rover. I climb in and watch as Ben walks around to the driver’s side and climbs in next to me.
“I love Cam, and unfortunately, Tamara is part of the package that comes with loving Cam. He puts up with all the shit I come with, the press attention, the fans and whatever. One crazy junkie is nothing compared to all of that. It’s what you do when you love someone, Ben. You accept everything about them unconditionally.” Benny chuckles as we pull out into the Friday afternoon London traffic and start heading back to the Essex countryside and home.
“You’ve become quite the philosopher ain’t ya, George? Grown up a lot from that mouthy little Essex bird who used to come in the wine bar.”
I smile as I think back to those days. “Age does that to ya. I’m still me, underneath it all. I’m still that same mouthy Essex bird, but life happened, Ben. I’ve lived and loved and lost and experienced a lot, and I hope I’ve learnt from all of that.” He takes his eyes from the road and gives me a wink.
“You do all right, George, you do all right.” I’m not sure what that means exactly, but I’ll take it as a compliment and I close my eyes as I listen to Ashanti’s “Foolish” on the radio. I must drift off to sleep, as the next thing I hear is Benny saying, “What the fuck’s goin’ on?” I open my eyes to about twenty paparazzi surrounding the gates to my house. Benny pulls over and tries to do a U-turn but we are on a narrow country lane and what starts out as a possible three point turn, ends up being about an eight point turn.
“Any idea what this is about, Georgia?” Ben asks as he finally gets the car facing back the way we came. The paps have noticed the car and a few of them are now running towards us. I shake my head.
“No idea.” I watch as they surround the car. “D’ya know what, Ben? I’m not running. Fuck ‘em. Let’s see what they want.” I undo my window slightly as flashes start going off and questions start being fired at me. They’re going on about Cam and a woman by the name of Lynsey Hayward and oral sex.
“Georgia, do you have anything to say about Lynsey Hayward claims that she performed oral sex on Cameron King in a disabled toilet at Sydney airport?”
I get a buzzing sound in my head and I’m not sure if it’s real or if it’s my brain’s way of blocking out what they’re saying.
“Do your window up, George,” Benny orders, but instead I continue to stare out of the two-inch gap, into the real world, the world outside of my perfect little bubble of love I’ve been living in for these past six months. I stare out at the world and listen to the words that cause my heart, the one that Cam has so lovingly, so patiently, brick by brick, helped me rebuild, to slowly start to crumble once more into a broken pile of rubble.
Ben must use the button on his side and the gap in the window closes.
“Take no notice of them, George. I know him. He wouldn’t do that. He doesn’t see other women as women. They’re all just people to him. You’re the only woman on the planet as far as he’s concerned, believe me, George.” I turn and look at him. It’s a good thing I didn’t have time to stop for lunch today because Benny would be about to wear it. I cover my mouth with my hand as I dry heave.
“Get me out of here, Ben,” I tell him.
He shakes his head. “Na, George, let’s just go inside and we’ll wait for Cam and let him explain for himself what’s going on.”
“Get me out of here now, Ben.”
“How about you come to the airport with me and we meet him there together, George,‘ay? How bout we do that, sweetheart?” I shake my head, my phone rings and its Tamara’s name showing up on the caller ID. Cam gave me her number in case there was an emergency and he must’ve given mine to her.
“Hello?”
“You really thought you had it all worked out, didn’t you? You really thought that he would change for you? He won’t change for anyone, but he will come back to me. He’ll always come back to me.” I end the call with a shaky hand and turn my phone to silent. I close my eyes for a few seconds and try to think. I need somewhere to go, somewhere to be alone, somewhere the press won’t be waiting for me. I take a deep breath.
“Ben, will you please take me back to the city? I wanna go to the loft. You can drop me there, please.”
“George…”
“Ben, if you don’t start driving I’ll get out and start walking, now drive the fucking car.”
“What loft, George?”
Shit, I’ve not been there since Sean died. Cam knows about it, but we’ve never been there. It’s Sean’s place. I would never take Cam there.
I give Benny directions and we drive in silence back into the city. I turn off the radio. I’m not in the mood for music right now, so I sit and lose myself in my own twisted thoughts and overactive imagination.
I know by coming here that I’m reverting and doing what I’ve always done in the past. But running away is just how I cope when things feel out of my control. Running away is my choice. Something I’ve chosen to do, therefore putting me back in control.
Benny opens my door. We’ve stopped outside the old warehouse and I didn’t even realise it. Benny’s top lip is sweating and I know it’s not from the afternoon sunshine.
“Ben, look, I know you need to do your job and tell him where you dropped me, but please tell him not to come here expecting to see me. Tell him to let me have some space and I’ll talk to him when I’m ready.” Benny lets out a big huff.
“I can try, George, but that big fucker don’t see sense where you’re concerned. He’ll be here, and he’ll bang that door down till he gets to you. Mark my words, girl, he won’t leave till he sees ya.”
I say nothing, kiss Benny on the cheek and turn and tap my number into the security doors. I put my hand up in acknowledgement to the two doormen in the office and head for the lift.
* * *
I step inside the apartment and know in an instant this is wrong. I’ve done the wrong thing coming here. This is Sean’s place. Me coming here is going to hurt Cam and I’ve done it without even waiting to hear his side of the story. I did that once before with Sean and it cost us four precious years.
I pull out my phone and call for a cab to come and fetch me to take me to Cam’s apartment. It’s just ten minutes away and I could walk, but I’m worried about the paps.
I go back downstairs and wait in the lobby for the cab to arrive. It’s a big black London taxi and the driver reminds me of my Uncle Finn. I talk to him through the window and explain that I need to get into my apartment block, but the press might be waiting for me. Once he realises who I am, he agrees to help me out. I give him the code to the underground car park and he gives me his jacket and tells me to get down in the foot well in the front of the cab. If the photographers don’t see anyone in the back, they will assume his cab is empty. He also leaves his ‘for hire’ sign on, just to help me out a bit more.