Our front door unlocked at about two thirty that morning, my Mum was sleeping in my Dad’s armchair and Jimmie and I were on each end of the sofa when I felt soft lips brush against mine, my eyes fluttered open and it took me a few seconds to realise he was really there and I wasn’t dreaming. I don’t know why I did it but for some reason I pushed myself by my heals away from him, backing myself into the corner of the sofa, his beautiful face fell and he held his breath for a few seconds, his face still close enough for me to watch as he closed his big chocolate eyes and to marvel at his long, dark lashes that fanned his cheeks.
“Georgia, I’m so, so sorry.” I folded my arms across my chest and nodded at him. My Mum stood from the chair gave a cuddle to my Dad and Lennon, Marley had gone into the kitchen area and was sitting at the breakfast bar, I watched as my parents exchanged a look, then both looked at my brother, I stood and gave Len a cuddle, but I ignored Marley.
“Well, now you’re all home safe, I’m going to bed, night, night.”
“Georgia wait, we need to talk.” He looked tired and delicious and I loved him so much but I was hurt and angry.
“Do we?”
He turned and looked at my Dad. “Frank, dya mind if we go up to Georgia’s room so we can talk?”
My Dad’s eyes shifted to mine, “George?” he asked with eyebrows raised.
“Fine,” I huffed, I knew I was behaving like a complete brat but basically, that’s what I was, a sixteen year old brat, a really pissed off brat.
I threw myself on my bed, scooted up and sat with my back against the headboard; Sean lent on my closed bedroom door. “I didn’t do it G.”
“I didn’t think you did.”
“So why are you so pissed off with me?”
“Why was she in your room Sean?” He looks down at the floor and shakes his head.
“I was so drunk G, I’d done a couple of lines of coke, Marley wanted to get hold of her but she wouldn’t come back to the room unless I went.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did she want you to go back with them?”
He takes a few steps toward my bed, “George.”
“Why Sean, tell me why?” He sits on the edge of my bed and looks at me.
“She wanted a threesome.” I wanted to be sick, I wanted to punch him, and I wanted to kill her.
“And you went?’ He nodded.
“I’m so sorry G, I was off my face.”
“You were drunk and off your face and you went back to your room with Marley and Haley the whore for a threesome?”
“I didn’t know what I was doing G, I went back so that Marley could get hold of her, then I was just gonna leave them to it…” he trailed off.
It suddenly struck me, I wasn’t crying, I hadn’t cried since he called me Thursday night, I was hurt and angry and emotional but I didn’t cry, I just let that little man keep building that wall, higher and higher, one course at a time.
“So what happened?” He drags his hands through his hair and I want to do the same but I won’t, I can’t, I need him to look me in the eye as he explains what happened, I need him to tell me that he didn’t touch her, that he never laid a finger on her. I sit and stare at him for a few long moments and notice that his hair is almost perfectly straight now, the curls that he had when we first met have gone, he’s wearing it longer again. When did it grow? When did his curls disappear? It’s a simple observation but one that makes me realise he’s changing and because he’s not with me, I’m not noticing, I’m not part of his everyday world, this boy who’s skin I have known as well as my own these past few years has grown and changed and he’s done it all without me.
“I was so drunk.”
No! Please no.
“As soon as the door slammed shut behind us, she was on me.”
Oh Sean!
“She was on you?” He nods as he covers his face with his hands, his elbows resting on his knees, he’s sitting on the edge of my bed, angled toward me, his skin looks tanned, obviously from the time he’s spent in the sun these past few weeks, in the sun, around a pool, without me. Every single beat of my heart hurts, it echoes through my body and wherever it reaches, it causes pain, I don’t want it to hurt, I don’t want it to feel, I would rather it just stopped.
“How, how was she on you?” This time he shakes his head.
“Rocco had these pills, I only had one, Marley had a couple, they were, they made me feel fantastic, we danced for ages down by the pool, everything just felt good and I just felt so horny.”
“No, no, no! Get out, get out Sean, I don’t want to hear this.”
My stupid, stupid, naive, sixteen year old heart has now ceased to exist and something hard, harsh and cold is slowly taking its place but before it does, I need him to shut up and I need him to leave. Now!
“I love you G, you, no one else, no one else ever, please listen to me, it was the drugs, I just couldn’t stop, I couldn’t…”
Now it was time for me to cover my face with my hands, I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, I wanted to die. I slid off the bed and took my engagement ring from its hiding place and held it out to him.
“What are you doing? I don’t want that, it’s yours, I bought it for you G, I spoke to your Dad on the flight, he’s fine with it, he knew, he was expecting it, put it on, put it on and we can go down and tell everyone. G, put your ring on please.” He’s talking so fast but all I can hear is the phone ringing and my Dad shouting, then Marley’s shouting and the front door slams. My Dad and Marls are still shouting at each other and I just stand there, with the stupid, ugly ring between my thumb and index finger. I’ve barely eaten a thing all week and I feel light headed, the room is swaying and I want to be sick. Then my bedroom door flies open and Jimmie is there, she looks from me to Sean.
“What did you do, what did you do? You stupid fucker!” She launches herself at him, punching and kicking and screaming and I just continue to stand there holding the ring out to him.
Lennon comes in and pulls Jimmie off of Sean. “Leave it Jim, let them sort it out, it’s between them.”
“There’s pictures, there’s pictures you fucker!” Jimmie screams as she tries to fight her way out of Lennon’s arms. Sean stands up from where Jimmie knocked him back onto my bed and looks at Len.
“What, what are you talking about, what pictures?”
“She’s got pictures of what you were doing, pictures of you and Marley snorting Charlie off her tits and she’s sold them to the papers, you’re all over the Sunday papers you fucker!”
My world stops spinning, the little man lays his last brick and my heart stops beating the way that it used to, it’s enclosed safely behind a wall now, so it doesn’t feel, it doesn’t love, it doesn’t care anymore, it’s only use now is to keep me alive and I really don’t care if it even bothers to do that. Sean’s big brown eyes with their flecks of gold turn and meet mine but I can’t focus, I feel my legs give way and the floor starts to come toward me.
CHAPTER 9
I don’t pass out cold completely, everything just becomes hazy and I have no control or strength in my limbs. I’m aware of lots of shouting, Sean lifts me onto my bed, my Mum is crying, Jimmie is shouting and my Dad is arguing with Sean right over my head, as I look through it all, the noise, the faces, all I can see is Marley, standing in my bedroom door, sobbing. It’s a sight that will stay with me till the day I die.